Thursday, May 15, 2008

An Army of One

No man is an island.

We all need our friends after all.

Though I'll admit we do have friends for different reasons sometimes. For instance, I'd go to Lanky Lex if I needed an hour long discussion about God - or in his case, the fact that God actually doesn't exist. I'd go to Zany Zinedine if I needed a patterned scarf from Burberry's - or if I'd gone crazy on a shopping spree - a Ghost chair or two.

Oops... I did it again.

But if I'd accidentally killed someone ( not that unlikely judging by my insanely murderous mood the past few weeks ) and desperately needed to hide the corpse, I know of only one person to call. It's not even Charming Calvin though I adore the fella. Unfortunately he has too much of a righteous goody-two-shoes streak in him that I figure he'd be far too horrified initially to react. And probably a tad judgemental as well.

Paul : I killed someone.
Calvin : OMG.
Paul : The body's in the boot right now.
Calvin : OMG.
Paul : We need to hide the body.
Calvin : OMG. We are so gonna get arrested.

No, he wouldn't be the first number I'd call. Wouldn't want that wicked deed on his conscience. I'd probably buzz my ISO first.

Paul : I killed someone.
My ISO : Let me get the shovels.

Odd to finally realize today that the only guy I'd trust to carry the extra shovel would be my morally bankrupt ISO. Probably wouldn't blink an eye if I told him that I'd stabbed someone repeatedly with a rusty fork after an argument - since he'd probably have encountered such sinfully homicidal fantasies as well.

Reason enough that I smiled when I saw this sequence on the telly.

So I sent him a message.

Paul : With friends like you, who needs an army.
My ISO : Same to ya. Though I'd keep the sharp implements away from you. You are dangerous with knives.

Awww. Despite being a lying, cheating bastard, guess I don't hate him as much anymore. Fortunately at this nostalgic moment, my ISO is hundreds of miles away ( probably gorging on dim sum at Maxim's ) or I'd be far too tempted to follow through with the Chinese Exemption.


David the Man said...

DEAR Doctor, you posted that first photo twice already!

Glog said...

a murderous attempt?
Thats so cool...
If my best friend called me with such a plea I would just say all the best, I shall pretend I didn't hear it... Unless that is the same person I wanna kill...

Cyclohelix said...

It's true that there's such an allocation where only a few you can really count on aside being your closer kin or ties. If i were in prison, a visiting acquaintance would be my best friend, but a true bud would be sitting next to me in prison saying "We're Fxxked Up". I've found that bud too :)

Jason said...

Shall stay away from you.

Kenny Mah said...

Now you've got me worried. I just realised I don't really have anyone to count on to rid me of inconvenient bodies lying around.

At least you've got your ISO. Mine would more likely get all excited and ask if it's a celebrity I've terminated. No help at all. :P

ikanbilis said...

your ISO is so much fun!

Kenneth said...

Dude, your ISO rocks. Lanky Larry sounds fun though. LOL.

Perky said...

I'd help you make it look like an accident ;)

Anonymous said...

I always love hearing stories about your ISO. He's so deliciously wicked. But, you're still my number one wicked hero ;)

Bry said...

Your ISO sounds wicked but yet fun! haha...i guess its great to have someone like that in your life.

Little Dove said...

Thank you for doing the meme. As usual...great post!

I was just pondering, how many bodies have both of you buried? ;p

Alex said...

Hahahah.... you're welcome to talk to me :P

savante said...

Gah, and you noticed, David! Changed it already anyway.

Pretend you didn't hear it. Good idea since he might ask you to represent him, glog.

We're fucked up. HAHAHA, great helix!

Submissivos are always so scared, jason :P

At least they don't get scared and slam the phone, kenny! That's good enough already.

And murderous as well, ikanbilis.

They are fun guys, kenneth.

Will bring you along for the ride then, perky.

Thanks, lada-hitam. Though my ISO might get insulted that he only comes in second :P

He is a fun guy, bry.

No worries about the meme. Thanks for sending it over, lil dove. And about the bodies, I'm not telling.

Will do so. But what would you say, lex?