Friday, May 23, 2008

Mutt Ado About Jonesing

I don't get enraged easily. Friends would say I'm usually a peaceable man. Though like the typical Scorpio, I do get passionate opinions about every issue under the sun, I rarely come to blows with anyone. Well, at least not since high school.

But the other day I almost saw red when someone dissed Indiana Jones. More like dismissed out of hand but it didn't stop my hands from clenching involuntarily.

Isn't it amazing how much prestige and allure a legend like Indiana Jones can hold for a boy growing up in that particular era?

Hell, all of us wanted to be Indy battling dastardly no-gooders to rescue the helpless damsel and find the hidden treasure. After all he's an everyday regular joe we can all easily emulate. No alien super strength. No radiation-gifted spidey powers. No mutant gene. And yet our very own Henry Jones Jr saves the world every once so often - with more than a few utterly human mishaps - armed only with his resourcefulness, his fedora hat and his trusty bull-whip.

Not to mention a self-deprecating smirk and a witty quip.

Don't you gotta love a man like that?

Well, step aside Tony Stark cause Indiana Jones is back. Sure, he's aged a bit in the latest installment Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Paunch here. Wrinkle there. White hair all over. But that hasn't made him any less of a hero in my nostalgic eyes.

Though token asian kid Short Round made a much more effective foil in the Temple of Doom, I have no complaints about this film's junior sidekick, Mutt Williams ( played bye the sweetly adorable Shia Labeouf ). Especially since the surprise spoiler makes it quite clear who's going to carry off the famed fedora into the future.

Good God. I traded prep school in good old America for scrubby grave-digging in some third-rate banana republic!

Several things I'd do different though if I were Indy. Bigger bags for one - after all I'd be bargaining with the conniving locals for more lamps and carpets. Trading barbs with sadistic villains for another - sorry but I'd have them decapitated as soon as I possibly could ( unless they are cute and hunky of course - whereupon I shall use them as unwilling sex slaves! ).

And please, all that chasing clues but leaving a candy trail for the baddies? Come on, I'd leave nasty booby traps all over for them to find.

Evil villain : I've got you in my sights.
Paul : Take a step closer then.
Evil villain : You shall die and I - AAARRGGGHHH! Booby trap!
Paul : Gross. Didn't expect his torn arm to go flying like that. Blood stains are so hard to remove! Ooh, wait there's a diamond ring on his finger!

And I'd be sure to pocket some of that gold treasure.

Guess that would make me more evil Nazi villain than All-American hero of course. Eh, I never was that good anyway.


Anonymous said...

Did you watched it already? Is it good?

Kai Santorino said...

Ive never heard anything bad about this movie. I will be seeing it tonight. Hopefully it delivers..

savante said...

Watchable, anon!

Go catch it and tell me what you think, kai.