Saturday, May 26, 2007

Step On It Dammit

Since Charming Calvin only uses his precious little MyVi as an interior decorating device ( claims it blends so well with his cream-coloured walls and his beige furniture ), he has to depend solely on me ( well, there's also the trusty LRT and a certain blue jalopy ) to bring him about town. Not entirely sure why though since the poor guy spends his time in my car practically parchment-white in horror silently screaming while clinging desperately to the handlebars - possibly expecting his entire life to flash across his terrified eyes in snazzy MTV montages before the end - as I fly zigzaggedly through the jammed streets of the city, careering through the highways and country lanes of the city.

Well at least he would be if he wasn't so busy falling asleep each time the car hits a smooth ride. Half the time I have to nudge Calvin awake so he doesn't get a severe neckache from nodding off in the chair.

My car
Calvin and his vintage car in the garage...

Of course sometimes he gets rudely woken up by my incessant grumbling. After all there are many irritating situations on the road that lead to me unleashing my hidden road rage ( an entirely different creature from my crazed speed demon who thrives on law-breaking sonic booms ). Irresponsible soon-to-be-paraplegic Mat Rempits. Oblivious gruesome-death-seeking pedestrians. Mindless ineffectual road humps.

And of course creepy crawling critters.

Monstrous thoght here but sometimes I wish I had a giant truck with ginormous wheels just to run them over while clapping my hands with wicked glee as their teeny lumbering vehicles are crushed under burning rubber.

Seriously I think they should impose minimum speed limits on the highways - most especially for the spotty geriatrics hobbling along in their cranky Morris Minors, the anxious mama sending her chicks to school and the confused adolescents crawling by in their learner's vehicles. Or at least confine the slowpoke folks to the left lane - promising instant hellfire execution if they dare veer to the right. Why call it a highway if tortoises are allowed to cross the road?

Yes. Yes. I know. Speed kills.

But slow drivers on speeding lanes aren't all that safe either.

Let me count the ways. Firstly a caravan of frustrated drivers will start to build behind the slow, plodding tortoise, an aggressive few tailgating dangerously sticking out that digit of disapproval and the rest patiently hoping that the tortoise would pull over - or at least hopefully tumble off the side of the road. Temperatures start to climb, tempers start to flare and then you start getting the World Falling Down literally as civilized drivers turn into maniacal road warriors wielding steering locks.

Secondly sanctimonious slowpokes love hitting the brakes for no apparent reason, making the drive that more time-consuming and damned frustrating. What is with that? Each time the road makes a turn or even curves gently ( sometimes even when an interesting billboard gets their attention ), they stomp on their brakes. Do they gain points for every time they hit the brakes?

Perhaps it's time for the speed demons to reclaim their rightful lane.


Alex said...

I wish I lived in a city where I could speed. Speeding here will get you killed, easily. But, oh no, not because of other drivers (although that's a whole other topic in safety), but because there's a bumper every 10 meters! (That's an obvious exaggeration).

Of course we have fast avenues and the such, but it's rare to find one empty enough to do as you please.

What was it? Hmm, I think it's somewhere around 4 million cars that we have on average in the city.

Mmmmm, smog.

Your blog always has some of the best reads I can find, that's why I love it.

Rick said...

Ok, I'll take Calvin and his vintage car!

RcKs said...

The best way for a doctor to avenge himself against a mat rempit is by ramming him down on the street and then treating him in the hospital. :)

nyonyapenang said...

so, you were the demon tailgating me ar?

kon kon said...

yeah slow drivers definitely are not that safe either..

there was a very serious accident earlier this year in melbourne.. ::okay i just wrote a whole load of shit to describe the accident but decided to scrap it due to the madness of the whole thing.. there was a boom and cars were melting..::

but basically a slow car could always cause a driver to decide to jam his brakes or overtake in which case could cause an accident.

either way, check your mirrors before you overtake and speed of like speedy gonzales.. oh don't forget blindspots too!!

famil said...

the road is sooo bad, how not to slam on your break every 2 minutes? :p

Driving Dan said...

Not everyone is as confident at diving as yourself doc. Some of us need to slow down a bit lest.

Cyclohelix said...

Beats flashed by speed cams!

Janvier said...

Oh, we understand the feeling of being stuck behind an undecisive driver.

But then again our EQ when it comes to driving was never good. We be one of the bad Malaysian drivers :s

savante said...

Whoa. Guess I'm not the only speed demon around :)

cleo weiland said...

When you said creepy crawling critters, I really thought...bugs. Not the volkswagen kind but the six legged type.

Me and my imagination. Haha!

By the way driving does kinda suck. Especially since I have constant nightmares of losing control of my car! Help!

PS: Won't be blogging until sem starts again late July..take care :)

Prince of Darkness said...

Haha everyone knows that speed kills, but we still speed don't we? Haha But often, or should I say most of the time after we sees an accident we will be cautious, drive slower, but as we tend to forget, we speed again. So when will men drive slower? Well in one condition we will, when there is a traffic jam, but we will always be cursing the road or the driver in front of us for driving so slowly :P