Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The One Where Everyone's Gay

Many times I've strived to put across the message that being homosexuality isn't infective. Being within a stone's throw of a raucuous gay bar doesn't automatically transfer twinkly pheromones that translate to a lifetime of hip-swaying, limp-wristed interior-decorating fabulousness - despite what the rabid conservatives might say.

Sometimes though I can be proven wrong :P

Not gonna bore you with another coming out tale again since I've regaled you about it here and here - though all of us with our feet caught in between the doors of the closet seem to be forever in the process of coming out.

Still I felt it was time to tell one of my oldest friends, Jaded Jeremy, who somehow managed to score himself a job in what has to be one of the most boring ( though reputedly lucrative! ) fields around - actuarial science. Now, I can imagine seriously dedicated actuaries everywhere lifting up their hands in protest showing me various supporting figures and statistics that prove beyond a doubt that their work is eminently fascinating. Beg to disagree though since Jeremy looks anything but enthused about his number-crunching job - honestly I thought the poor overworked guy closely resembled one of the cachexic living dead wraiths from a Nightmare Before Christmas.

Then again he does have a bunch of nightmarish professional exams ahead! Still he does look a bit like Victor Van Dort from Corpse Bride. Even on a holiday, our workaholic Jaded Jeremy was a bit hard to track down - caught up with his calculated risks and benefits, his neverending exams and an impending cold.

Pizza with a hint of homosexuality

After managing to get Jeremy away from his ever-present work into a seat for dinner - which he took with a world-weary sigh, I slammed him with my shocker of an admission with a quick pinch of pepperoni pizza to take away the bite. While he sat there stunned by my sudden admission, I took the opportunity to finish my salacious tale of my homosexual exploits while withholding some of the more sordid bits here and there. Instead of hurling out hefty chunks of pizza as I half-expected and dreaded, he sat there calmly without dramatic gay-panicky hysterics - though with an odd twitching of his eye - and claimed that he'd vaguely guessed.

That I'd finally placed that last piece of the enigmatic puzzle that was me. Note that I actually heaved a sigh of relief - though the generous folks of my generation seem more tolerant of deviant behaviour, you never can tell. Then again if he'd actually thrown a fuss, I - the bigger man - could have easily tossed him off the balcony.

Though he didn't put it quite that eloquently. Unlike many others before him though - Shameless Shalom amongst them, Jeremy didn't have an armed battery of questions ready to pelt me with despite the fact that I actually gave him time to digest the information - and the thin & crispy pizza I mentioned. Segued smoothly onto other topics with not a word said through dessert and even through our drinks at the lounge.

It was only later when I was making my way back that I got an instant message from him. Fortunately I was already sitting down when I read it.

I think I might be gay too.

Good God. It's as I feared, it's actually a freaking communicable disease! Now if only I could transmit it to Chris Evans!


Laurel Jane said...

"a raucous gay bar"

My first and only time in a gay bar was at that Blue Boy place behind the Pizza Hut at Bukit Bintang. Paid five bucks and gets to ogle at hot boys. Plus that night got to see a real drag show. Those hot mamas sure know how to lip sync. To Ziana Zain no less.

And they turned sleek Nouvo into Queen I heard.

Anyhow, my take is that you're friend has the hots for you, that's why suddenly he's conveniently gay :)

strapping.shane said...

If you keep falling all over them - I'm sure everyone'll turn gay in no time. :P

Anonymous said...

Old friend is really difficult to come out to. In my case as well, I told my oldest friend that I am really close with last after I came out with all my close friends from high school.
Like Jaded Jeremy, he puzzled but then he told me something really touched me. He said 'So what if you are gay? You are my friend and will always be. I love you for who you are not who you prefer to be with.'

Oh! Jaded Jeremy might be coming out himself. So it's time for you to play the good old friend role and help him :) ...

m5lvin said...

I wonder whether can I put that into my research as well since I did a research on biological causes of homosexuality.....erm infective nature of sexual orientation?? sounds weird though..hahahaha......maybe coz of pheromones preference adaptations due to physical contact..??? What am I talking about...sigh....lolx

Dashing Dan said...

Another Jared? Aiyo... is he the same age as you? So late to realise he himself is gay.

savante said...

Whoa! My friend turning gay bcoz of the hots for me!!?! EEEP, laureljane! Lemme pretend I didn't hear that :P

True enough. I'll convert the world, shane!! No hunk will be safe from my clumsy antics!

Mr K, that's sweet. You have a really good friend there.

Start the study now, m5lvin!

Another Jared? Yeah, he's the same age as me, dan.


jay said...

I actually find old friends easier to come out to actually. Well it depends on the friend i guess.

With new friends I generally get it out the way up front since there's not much at stake as yet but at the same time older friends know you well enough not to instantly make assumptions.

I do love the load of questions every straight person feels the need to ask when you come out to them.

At times I felt like I should just hold a press conference so all their questions could get answered at the same time. They always ask the same thing!

I do think he may have the hots for you. LOL. If not, at least your coming out to him gave him the strength to maybe come out to you.

I should try this with MY crush. I still don't know if he is gay! HMPH.

Anonymous said...

holy jeepers! he has the hots for you lalalala. alert alert to charming calvin! :p

Aelgtoer said...

I think the whole part about coming out to old friends is really subjective, it depends who the person is.
That said, it's probably in most gay guys to want to come out to their close friends if circumstances are favourable. I mean come on, how many gay guys actually dig talking explicitly about various parts of the female anatomy 85% of the time. ^^

Derek said...

Hey Paul

Actuarial science is SOOO not boring! Hmmph ..

Anyway, perhaps you can pass him my way so that I could ease him into coming out, in between conversations of valuations, RBC and control cycle ;P

Clark Can't said...

If you did convert Chris Evans, is that guaranteed to make him jump to your arms? :P

I'd be sad if Keanu turned out to be gay and I can't even have him. Boo-hoo!

EarlGreyTea said...

and when is the cheif of the vetting committee gonna introduce me to the actuarian? :p

Leon Koh said...

"I think I might be gay too"

is that your way of coming out?