Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Pick a Number

One of the best things about being the wicked half of a couple ( apart from the luxury of getting fat :P ) is the fact that I'm not actually required to troll around gay bars anymore in search of some booty.

Of course that doesn't mean I don't keep a curious eye out for cute guys. Nothing wrong with checking out the local merchandise, is there? Certainly doesn't mean I'm looking to buy :P

Then again, every once in a while you get a special unbeatable offer that you simply can't resist. Seriously what can you do when something delectable just falls providentially right into your lap - or the other way around? Trust me, one of the best ways to pick up guys is out in public. In a moving vehicle preferably.

Clumsy men
Oopsie! I fell!

Naturally good-looking men like my ISO can depend on a sexy grin to gain a worshipful audience but the rest of us common folk have to resort to far more devious methods. Of course that all takes careful planning and perfectly choreographed pseudo-acrobatics - especially in a moving vehicle. Just when the train or bus buckles as it commonly does at every stop and you stumble clumsily, make sure there's a sexy stud close enough to fall onto. Clever boys with fast fingers can even ad-lib with a quick unintentional grope or two.

You'll have to make sure you don't have an ex-boyfriend standing close enough to pass judgement of course.

My ISO : What the hell was that?
Paul : Clumsy me. I fell.
My ISO : Conveniently into his lap?
Paul : So embarassing. Bad bus! Naughty bus!
My ISO : More like naughty you.
Paul : Naughty me found a place to have lunch.
My ISO : And is our friendly gentleman coming with us?
Paul : It was his idea, I swear. I'm just the clumsy tourist who can't read maps.

Of course nothing more would come from the accidental fall unless you have charm enough to talk the guy into having a quick meal as an apology.


Chickymama said...

Just catching up on the last couple of posts, and today's most recent is another one to make me *smile*. Quite enjoyable, as always!

matrianklw said...

Damn, you're good!

strapping.shane.the.evil said...

Can't resist checking out the Vietnamese merchandise, can you?

connerkent said...

I am adding that to my handbook on how to pick up guys.

jay said...

I need to take "pick up" lessons from the house of savante. I'm single and I still don't troll around gay bars simply because I'd rather pick someone up in the "real" world.

Maybe I should try to be a bit more clumsy than usual. Certainly can't work the "I'm new to Pittsburgh" line anymore. I've been here 2 years!

cleo weiland said...

You foxy lil thing, Savante.

I like to use the "Hey you look familiar, have we met?" line. The guys seem to fall for the idea that they look like someone I know and when I apologise for the mistaken identity, they're more than happy to forgive.

But oh well I'm out of the game. Darn!

Nice move on that guy, btw :P

JL said...

you what? *gasp*

salute ;)

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

I have never tried that sort clumsy act before. Sounds worth trying at least once. Thanks for the pointing that out - the last time I tried the clumsy act was to spill ketchup on some devishly handsome bloke that was visiting my mum's place a few years ago.

Afterwards me being such a gentleman offered to help him clean up ;o)

I offered him the spare clothes I use to keep at my mums. Oh man the abs on this guy were swoon worthy and I completely checked him out whilst he was changing. Mmmm the memories ;o)

Who says being clumsy is a bad thing?

m5lvin said...

Oooo clumsy ~~ Now I get it...=P

Cyclohelix said...

Remembered phoebe's line to joey; 'You Evil Genius' :)

Jonzz said...

@.@ Aiks!!

Which bus did you say you take? LOL!

Lucky for you, you didn't 'fall' on some violent chappie.

savante said...

Thanks, chickymama :)

Not embarassing at all, matt?

It's hot, it's hard, it's there. Why shouldn't I lay my hands on it, shane?

God is watching, connerkent :P

You could still use that line after all, jay. Not everyone knows you yet!

Cleo darlin, you look like a sweetheart. I am sure you could pick up guys easily with any line.

Only in foreign countries, jl.

Cleaning ketchup off a hunk works much better, dreamer. Will try that next time.

Yes, go try that, m5lvin. Or try dreamer's idea with the ketchup.

I'm a saint, helix!

Can't even recall the number jonzz!


BicaraTeruna said...

darn ur damn good.