Perfumes, Pearls and Profiteroles

It's obvious from the various semi-reliable sources I have ( nurses, colleagues, galpals and the like ) that men are held to be hopeless at procuring gifts. Dull domestic crockery for a wife on her anniversary, inappropriate crotchless panties and leather whips for that third-date girlfriend and roses for every other occasion.


A glass of juice? I'm a freaking hot guy who gave you the fucking night of your life and all I get is citrus?
Hilarious gift-giving faux pas aside, the men find themselves dreading these events as well. Come that dreaded valentine or their much-feared anniversaries, half of them get mindlessly nerve-wracked wondering how not to incur the wrath and displeasure of their loved ones since hell hath no fury and all that.

The other half of course make a desperate run for the distant hills - hiding from their irate, cleaver-wielding spouses after conveniently forgetting the momentous event.

For me, I love shopping - hence I love shopping for gifts as well. Ah, if only if my severely constrained budget were enough to cover half the things I'd love to buy. Honestly I'd probably make a great personal shopper - if only one of the major departmental stores such as Metrojaya would hire me :)

Of course there are the stubborn few who are simply impossible to shop for - such as my parents. Let's leave my couch potato dad ( who doesn't seem to have any particular hobby apart from watching reruns of Mandarin serials ) till another day since Father's Day lies a month away thankfully while Mother's Day already hovers dangerously just around the corner.

Seriously. Searching for a Mother's Day Gift isn't as simple as it sounds. The average heterosexual guy would find it easy enough to pick up the phone and order the usual chocolates and roses shtick that they give every year but I usually try my best to make my gifts extra special. And hopefully meaningful. And the bows and the ribbons must hold just so.

God. I am such a gay son.

Pansies and profiteroles are alright for my mum but I'd prefer something that lasts more than a couple of days. As my mother's quite the dedicated bibliophile herself, getting a book sounds like an excellent idea till you notice the stack of unread novels piling up in her bedroom like the proverbial Twin Towers. I could have sworn her last birthday gift still lies somewhere in that sadly forgotten dusty pile.

Since I've started work though, I've given her enough fragrances to flood Provence - or even start her own perfumery come to think of it - from the generic Lancome / Estee Lauder to the exquisite Fragonard bottles I discovered last Christmas. What can I say? I can't resist those pretty shiny bottles!

Although macho macho men would balk at such feminine pursuits, I find myself enjoying walks through the jewellery stores as well ( ala Holly Golightly's morning excursions ) but therein lies a problem too. Get a gift far too expensive and there'll be a half hour lecture on my exorbitant spending habits. I know she has my best intentions at heart but hell, just take the damned pearl necklace and shut up :P Tasteful and elegant is what she wants but getting that along with an affordable ( and discounted! ) price tag is asking for a bit too much. :)

What about handbags, you say? Well, my mom is notorious for hanging onto her precious handbag for dear life - at least till the strap breaks, the zip tears apart and the seams unravel. Even then, plaster and glue can hold together what Braun Buffel couldn't :P

Running out of ideas fast, people, so got any recommendations?