Not only must it be big, black and bulky - capable of running small inconsequential gnats off the road and scaring the living daylights out of terrified pedestrians kinda like Big Bicep Barry's Black Bruiser - it must also have a helluva ginormous back seat spacious enough to host the entire marine platoon.
Learnt my lesson today when I finally had a chance to get into Jaunty Jared's Jumping Jalopy.
Baby, it was like stepping into a pimped ride, seriously. If there was a hip happening homo version of Pimp my Ride of course. Think fluffy pillows and plush seats for the interior, decor and entertainment magazines littering the extendable back for entertainment and thumpa thumpa house music in the background. Honestly, it was like stepping into a gay disco without the distracting smoke and booze - and ( unfortunately! ) without the fifty shirtless gay boys in body glitter gyrating their sexy stuff on the dancefloor.
Come check out my backseat...
But then Jared's Jumping Jalopy had a backseat large enough to accomodate quite a number of those sweaty hotties actually - as I'm sure Jared has had the opportunity to test out that particular salacious theory :P
No doubt Charming Calvin and I were reluctantly intrigued by the appropriately named Pimpmobile. And certainly game enough to give the backseat a try.
Unfortunately I forgot to warn him that it's also backbreaking, hell on the knees and best left to raging oversexed teenage hormones. :)