Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Para Parafreaks

They could be your teacher. They could be your doctor. They could be your brother. Outwardly, they all seem normal, perhaps even functional human beings going about their mundane lives blending seamlessly into the everyday homogeneity. And then when the beat starts to move them, they change, mutate and transform into the fearsome parafreaks.

Join us.

Shockingly I have come to realize that Strapping Shane might be one of them.

Certainly has been a while since I've stepped into an arcade - seems like the last time was when my ISO and I were both pimpled teenagers driving dangerously on the tracks of Daytona USA. No doubt the neverending evening marathons of racing cars ( and the subsequent violent smash-em-ups ) must have added a certain death-defying fast-and-furious element to our maniacal driving these days.

Since those heady days of road rage, technology and creativity have obviously combined to create newer, far more sophisticated games that would appeal to heterosexual teenage boys ( and the various kadults thereof ) into parting with their hard-earned allowance. Comforting to know that the grand staples of arcade fare such as race cars and shoot-em-ups still rule but it's interesting to see some new unforeseen rivals making their presence felt.

Just today, I noted a gaggle of giggling salesgirls in their lunch hour performing a complex routine of drum techniques - a move certainly sponsored by the cashiers department to increase their manual dexterity.

Distracted by the smoky cave-dark environment, the flashing strobe lights and the occasional delectably hot jailbait, we arrived a little too late to save our friend. There we found Strapping Shane literally locked in deadly mortal combat with a relentless demon of dance, sweating endlessly from his fevered brow as the maniacal dance machine forced him to perform the most unusual physical contortions ever devised according to a synthesized thumpa thumpa eurobeat. Shockingly there were entranced followers ( practically foaming at the mouth ) just behind waiting for their turn to be similarly ensorcelled into the para para dance routine.

For those wondering what the heck para para is... it's a peculiarly East Asian phenomenon that involves complex pre-set arm-flapping movements performed to the rhythm of thumpa thumpa mentioned above - that would possibly alienate everyone else on the dancefloor ( if not send all in close proximity to the infirmary after being dealt with multiple slaps and elbow jabs ).

Took a while to release Shane from his voluntary imprisonment but after the token time wore off, he was released and he stumbled out - just in time for another seemingly willing victim ( with mopping towel handy ) to take his place. All his protestations that it's a legitimate form of aerobic exercise seems to be pure bull since from the intense look on their faces, it looked to me like a ghastly form of inhuman torture.

Odd. If these boys wanted some form of aerobic exercise, I'm sure I can offer them some alternative ( and far more pleasurable ) methods of burning calories - where their hip-twisting, arm-bending moves would come in handy. :)

Though I managed to tear him away in time, Charming Calvin seemed reluctantly intrigued and I fear that he might be the next victim.


strapping.shane said...


I thought you were going to blog about the middle-child syndrome!?

cain & abel said...

hey Paul, sorry i had to privatize my blog for some reasons. Do send me your e mail add to cikgudrama@gmail.com and i shall send you an invitation. Sorry for the inconvenience but thanks for your support!

Dashing Dan said...

Haha... para para indeed.

What's with dance machines and eorubeat, I wonder? Most rythm games seem to favour eurobeat...

Ianfluenza said...

There were five of us boys challenging this DDR in the arcade, where every one of us took charge of a step respectively. The fifth one took a video clip of our spastic attempts to beat something out of it with his camera.

It turned out so wrong to see four young adult men harrassing the arcade machine and cheating in the lowest, most unscrupulous manner...


Strapping Shane can dance meh? *smirks*

jase said...

it sometimes fun to oggle at the good looking one jumping up and down on those machines. ;)

Mr.Brian/Mr.Fletcher said...

I tried this type of machine out, and it confirmed my suspicions: I am a true individualist. While I might learn a choreographed dance, I hardly think I have the determination and discipline to stay in time with it.

Oh yeah, and when I tried the machine, I totally sucked. I decided it would be much better to get one of those at-home mats and practice before trying it in public again. Still no mat, so don't look for me to be "dancing" with a machine in public!

Manoj Singal said...
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