Monday, August 28, 2006

The Fast and the Furious

Some would say that my biological clock is ticking away but turning out to be a raging homosexual hasn't dampened my growing enthusiasm for fatherhood even a little. Certainly has made it a bit more problematic - since fertile uteruses aren't exactly a dime a dozen - but resourcefulness has always been my middle name ( and not skank as most people would wrongly assume ).

Sometimes I watch my friends, mostly my peers actually - some of whom are starting young families of their own right now - and I wonder what sort of father I'd make if I had that chance. Although I'd hope that I'd be the kind, loving, good-natured papa who'd allow his teenage kids free rein to do what they chose, I seriously doubt that ever happening. Chances are I'll probably turn out to be a stern, unfeeling Victorian-minded draconian monster who'd lock up his eligible sons and daughters after midnight.

Had my suspicions confirmed early this morning when I crawled out of my bunk at some ungodly hour to admit a 17 yo semi-hunky jailbait with a crushed leg. Turns out the little mat rempit suffered a devastating motor vehicle accident at 2 in the morning after a mindless motorcycle joyride with his cronies. Doctors are trained to be somewhat detached from their patients but I could already feel the smoke rising from my head. Surely every other sane physician would be running about offering pain meds but the first thought in my head was 'what the fuck is a schoolkid doing out at 2 in the morning on a school night?!'

Surely good samaritans would decry such an unfeeling prejudiced statement by hastily babbling all sorts of suitably Lifetime Channel excuses for the kid. Seriously. Trust me, he didn't look like he'd been out doing charitable work at 2 in the morning. He wasn't out earning a living to support his desperate orphaned siblings. He wasn't even out purchasing herbal tonics for a terminally ill grandmother.

Come ride with me!

Let's face it, there is a distinct urban breed of teenage motorcyclists in Malaysia with near-psychotic suicidal tendencies who transform the city at night into a literal showcase of traffic anarchy - possibly in the faint hopes of emulating the unthinking speed demons on the Fast and the Furious.

These juvenile teenage boys and their illegal motorcycle races. What exactly are they thinking of in the early hours of the morning? What are they searching for? That brief shining moment of deluded glory? The indiscriminate hand of the nearest slutty fluffheaded bohsia? That sheer, indescribable adrenaline-laced thrill moments before that wild ride runs smack into a stationary brick wall and 17 years of dubious education ends up in a bloody splatter on the cold, uncaring cement?


If I were the father, I'd probably have given him a hard spanking. And not in a good way.


executorlouis said...

You will be a strict but well-meaning father who would bond well with your children, Paul. At least, that's the feeling i get.

As for the poor sod, hopefully he isn't crippled. I have a distant cousin who suffered a similar mishap and he pays the price for it.

What these kids needs is not a spanking, but good education and proper upbringing.

CR said...

I remember my late outings when I was young though, they were fun and I have some great lasting memories. Hopefully I will remember than when I have kids and I won't be to strict with my kids.

Well, as long as they are not out getting in trouble.

Sue said...

It's all about the youthfull need for speed and misplaced feeling of immortality. I think that education can help, but some of these poor kids just have to learn the hard way.

I am sure you will be a wonderful daddy. :)

thompsonboy said...

You can be my daddy anytime LOL!!!

On a more serious note, I think I will make a lousy dad and it's too much of a reponsibility - imagine you shape someone's life. What if they grew up to be a rapist or killer? It will all be my fault. Or what if they grew up hating your guts?

Xavier said...

maybe they learn from their fathers?

when i was still using a bike to work last time, the tiny tiny motorlane by Federal Highway, which supposedly fit ONE motorist was filled with THREE at a time, and they are all on their way to earn a living and not wasting time around like the kinds u mentioned since it's like 7am.

so i guess it's a culture thing gua... hmmps... wat to do?

charm.calvin said...

They should all die in the most painful way, and they should know it when they roared their motorcycles on the road DISTURBING other people's SLEEP, or worse still, bringing DISASTER to other INNOCENT people. Think about the INNOCENT people.

Ok, they should be saved once, one chance for them to redeem themselves and learn the lesson. Otherwise, they should all DIE.

nyonyapenang said...

stop wondering - make it a reality!

as for the 'mat cemerlang', i believe it's a case of nurture and not nature. sad ya?

Pete said...

Many people in Thailand would have share the same sentiment for these idiots with calvin.

I heard stories of how many were riding wih person on each bikes of about 20 bikes, riding through police blockage just to get away and hurting the police from their attempt.

Not to mention the money they spend on the bike and the gas, especially the Gas!

Shigeki said...

Wow, I can totally picutre you would end up being a rigid conservative dad who sets unbelievable early curfew. :-)

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

As soon as he regains consciousness, and feels better, have him remitted into your custody for some serious "discipline". You'll soon have him eating out of your hand.

Grafxgurl said...

kids on motorbikes here in Thailand all need to be whupped really hard ...its a real problem here.

sharon said...

so is it silly to regret sometimes that I was never a teenager like that... not exactly racing la... i mean, carefree, reckless, exciting? that's why i'm so conservative and uptight now? how about you? never the rebelious one?

g_c said...

ouhhh!!!i can see it clearly.. you would certainly be a mr.bree living in his white hedged suburban house with the perfect laura ashley interior !!!lol!!that is minus the flaming red hair and the pearls (although i get the feeling they could be somewhere else!!lol!skank!!) and lets not forget the completely smooth forehead filled up with botox! wanna be my daddy?lol

ps: hey hun!!so long since i last talked to you!! ohh been on a hiatus from the blog but am back so feel free to check the blog!missed you!

hrugaar said...

I would have had the same thought (i.e. what's he doing out that late on a school night etc.). That just means we care, doesn't make us draconian or oppressive.

I do agree with c.calvin though that the kid should care about his potential innocent victims. That's partly maturity (the part of the brain that governs that function is one of the last to develop, sin't it?) but partly education and training too.

And part of education is a good slap when it's needed, heh.

Jemima said...

One word says it all - INDISCIPLINE. #sigh#

Just look at those screaming children who can't sit still in restaurants or coffee shops...some even in church. If I am the parents, I'll be so embarrassed to be seen with them in public places.

These are probably the kind of children that grow up top be the fast & furious teenagers. :(

Not so Single Guy said...

hey you..I've linked you to my blog now! I wanna become a daddy..I think I will donate some sperms to some lesbians!

suituapui said...

Sometimes I feel that the parents are tired of their kids so they just buy them some bikes and tell them to go kill themselves, and then the parents can make some more that look exactly like them!! All the blame goes to the parents for neglecting their kids! They're crying out for love, acceptance and attention!

savante said...

Hope you are right, Louis :) Don't think the kid is crippled though but he's probably in a lot of pain.

cr, precisely! As long as they're out getting in trouble!

I love speed too but I wouldn't want to knock down some old lady crossing the road, sue :)

Daddy wants you to stop smoking, thompsonboy :)

We could all give them spankings, xavier.

Whoa. Bloodthirsty calvin.

Make it a reality, nyonya? You offering to surrogate?

What do you call these guys in Thailand, pete?

Yeah, unbelievable curfew... possibly by eleven, shigeki!

Serious discipline sounds good, daniel.

Agreed, grafxgurl. What is done with them there?

I do too! But I would endanger only myself... I did stuff like bungee jumping and rappelling off a cliff. Fun, sharon!

You're alive! And blogging again! Glad to see ya, gc.

Love the idea of giving good slaps all around, ru.

Totally agree, jemima! Something has to be done.

Sperm to lesbians, singleguy! Whoa, never knew you wanted to be a dad!

Obviously not getting the attention they need, suituapui.


Annie said...

Yes. Paul.. Me thinks we need to take you in for retail therapy. I worked at the Trauma office for 6 months. It was enough for me. I processed paperwork on accident reports, typed physicians' dictations. Read through autopsy reviews. It's depressing to say the least.
Let's go shopping!

envy said...

I like guys with conservative pinch,
makes u wanna f... with their heads!

ikanbilis said...

that was yes, justin E from axcest. he is just oh-so-hot and i still can drooolz overt hat picture. i heart him very much lol! i think i'm going to be a fanatic freak of justin!

josh_kimura said...

the idea of donating sperm to some lesbian remind me of QueerAsFolk series. ^-^

Anyway, i believe everyone can become good daddy,but only few will become great daddy. I still remember when i was little i hope i can become a great father to my kids haha(though it only imagination that when your girlfriend force you to play masak-masak with them instead of discovering what new in the forest nearby. =p