Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Religious Conversion

Sometime late last night - in between prepping a patient for an operative procedure and rushing off for a quick bite in the pantry, Shameless Shalom and I came up with a fullproof way of bringing back the lost sheep to the hallowed halls of the church. Seriously doubt there's actually dwindling church attendance as the hysterical reports say but I don't see how the holy fathers could turn away a few other lost souls to their congregation.

Somehow or rather, innocent talk about conversions and good Catholic boys started straying into baptismal fonts and then into far more dangerous territory - as we started comparing the relative merits of having sexy dark Italian priests serve communion in wet white thongs - instead of the boring cassock. Although daughter of Christ, Shalom faithfully decried such a scandalous notion, I found myself thinking otherwise. Surely handing out white thongs amongst the well-endowed amongst the budding clergy would help increase attendance by a thousand-fold - especially with those wicked unrepenting Sodomites who'd no doubt be scrambling to be admitted into the House of God.

Contemplating his cassock!
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from evil!

Puerile and dirrrty... I know. The blasphemous thoughts that get into my head when I'm struggling to keep awake at 3 in the morning ( depraved thoughts of a youthful, golden-tanned Father Antonio certainly had me wide awake as I started contemplating the number of indescribable hells I'd be tossed into for such sinful imaginings! ). Certainly idle mind, the Devil's workshop and all that.

Twenty hail Marys as penance!

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

You need to bathe in holy water, too. LOL ;)

Anonymous said...

Such Impure thoughts!! hahahahaha

Your penance? Drink a gallon of holy water...after I've peed in the font :P hahahahahahhaahhahahaha

If you ever watched the movie the priest, i like the line "They asked me to turn to Christ and pray to him but everytime I look at him, I see a naked man hanging on the wall" oooh..lightning strike me dead now :P

If you've never caught that movie..you should..a compulsory movie actually for seminarians on their first year..I wonder what the formators were trying to teach by getting them to watch it? :P

That Girl said...

well.... they DID catch a lot of catholic priests sodomizing little boys.. ALL over the world.. its just been kept quiet all this time.

Anonymous said...

m back!

ENVY said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
hrugaar said...

Actually, imagining priests in white thongs seems more wholesome than having a pervy kink about lifting cassock skirts and sniffing sandals, or abusing the flagellus ... or rubber crucifixes designed for use as butt-plugs (produced by one company in the USA, I kid you not!).

Of course it would help if our priests were good looking (and not all aged 60+). :oD

Annie said...

No worries dear Paul, the latest survey on a Christian website got folks confessing.. "The poll results indicate that 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography." See? It's lovely to be human, isn't it.

hrugaar said...

On a different note ... that's a rather fine mirror frame there.

ENVY said...

Mirror mirror on the wall... i'm not worried about your thoughts, what i'm worried about was the poor guy whom u will be giving an operation for afterwards! Did u see him in a wet white thong to?
i would love to be a patient of yours if thats the case:P

savante said...

Looks like I'd need that, jemima :)

Possibly gallons of holy water as quavadis said! And I did watch Priest a while ago! Loved it.

Never happened here, grafxgurl!

Hi, k!

The priests here aren't covermodels either... ru :) And hey, I noticed the mirror too!

Guess I'm not the only sinner, annnieiieneine.

The patients are fine so no worries, envy :)

Paul

MrBunnyBan said...

Eeeeeeee! I reeeeaally don't want to see my step father in the pulpit in a thong.

executorlouis said...

Naughty naughty Paul! =p

Btw, don't know if you watched this film - Bad Education, but it's about sexual misconduct in the Catholic Church and also very gay-themed. Rather good movie so ask around for it. ;)

nyonyapenang said...

put on a thong and fast for 3 days.

Sue said...

You would be excommunicated for those hot, oops, I mean naughty, irreverent thoughts. Evil Paul arises! ;)

S said...

Don't they wear something underneath those robes?

I mean, they're made of wool and are very itchy.

Unfortunately, it's not a chastity belt.

Anonymous said...

'oy... indeed, that was blasphemous. but dear lord, there are some hot priest out there, it makes me wanna be an altar boy and seduce the sexy clergy men. i've had thoughts of sucking them off under their gowns, or having nasty sex in the conffesional booths.

Anonymous said...

I think there are many things to confess at church next time you visit. :-) Thankfully, any priests at my church are not hotties. I don't imagine something naughty like you do. :-)

Anonymous said...

You are forgiven, Paul! You save lives for heaven's sake!

Anonymous said...

You are forgiven, Paul! You save lives for heaven's sake!

Anonymous said...

Who is more wrong--a man who lusts after a hot priest, or a priest who lusts after a preteen boy? I'd have to say the priest.

Jay said...

You'll definitely get all the Sodomites racing back into the fold, but what they do in the rear pews may not be appreciated by the Pope.

Then again...

Kiks said...

Isn't there a porn like that somewhere? Hehe...

Curtis said...

I've been a Catholic all of my life and I've NEVER been molested by my priest. Damn it!

savante said...

Daniel :) Your stepdad isn't hot or Italian. Step out of that thong!

Bad Education. Shall certainly keep an eye out for it, louis. Sounds good.

Will do so... but the thong chafes, nyonya!

True enough, sue. You should say ten hail marys too.

They wear boring old clothes underneath though I'd imagine them naked, steven.

Sex in the confessional booth. Mmm.. callen.

The priests here are hardly hot, shigeki. Sigh. We should import some new ones.

Glad you're on my side, mark!

True enough, brian.

Knew you'd be rushing back to church with that idea, jay :)

Bet there is, kiks!

Curtis I know! We must be going to the wrong church!

Paul

pink dolphin said...

make that 100 hail marys