Monday, August 07, 2006

Road Rage Rants

Some things are meant to be taken slow. Delving into that deliciously written lyrical Carlos Luis Zafon tale of a book lover's hunt for that elusive copy. Savouring the taste of peanut butter chocolate ice-cream mixed with Bailey's in the heat of a summer's day. Lazily licking up the salt and sweat from a lover's naked back after a heated bout.

However, not all things are meant to be taken slow-mo John Woo style.

When I'm hot, sweaty and frustrated after being caught in a half hour traffic crawl through one of the numerous highways, I'd hate to find a Slowpoke Sammy moving at a serious snails' pace at the head of the funeral march. Seriously. Are they just begging to be strangled and thrown unwillingly into a coffin?

An unexpected car breakdown has all my sympathy. An accident gets a cursory look in case I'm needed ( unlike all the other busybody gawkers! ) - rarely enough though since I usually hear the ambulances wailing several blocks down. But nothing exasperates me more than finding out that the crawl can be attributed to traffic hogs who take up half the road as they waddle their way home at 10 km/h and practically come to a dead halt just to take a simple bend. Haven't they heard of the Tokyo Drift?! Once I've been fed with the same old tired repeats on the radio while chugging slowly down the highway, it's easy enough to transform into Poisonous Parang-Wielding Paul ( with arm chopping action! ).

There's all this het up about irresponsible speed demons but I really think a law prohibiting slow drivers on highways should be instituted here too. Like throwing the abnormally slow tossers onto the usual single lanes reserved for bullock carts, trishaws and the like instead of clogging up the highways. I had this whole other far more bloodthirsty torture reserved for the perps but I've refrained from mentioning it with all the talk about bloggers in Malaysia needing a form of control. :P

Don't even get me started on crazy motorcyclists. That's a whole other can of worms.


.....****......


Dominic LauGASP.

Fortunately my old friends, MTV and Channel V, understand all about my woes since I come back only to find both of my favourite television hunks onscreen at the same time battling for viewer share. Obviously there is a God - and he loves mankind.

If only he'd just toss them both in a ring and splatter some mud on them. What do you say? I'm practically hyperventilating as I flip between Dominic and Colby. Can anyone say threesome?

23 comments:

Maximus Leo said...

Hmmm..... chill. It is only traffic jam! The last time I was stuck in the traffic was about 12 months ago in Shanghai!! Can't remember how road rage will affect one's patience!! You have a good day.

savante said...

Thank God the crawl finally moved a little or else I'd still be stuck there!

paul

nyonyapenang said...

ya, better watch our words hor. don't wanna get hung up to dry la.

Kihu said...

oh gosh dominic is cute... saw him in LQ that time.. Gosh just gorgeous (he just there to host the event not because he's gay but maybe he is)

Annie said...

Hey, if Paul gets stuck in traffic, where would we get our blog fix! ACK! No .. no.. no.. Slow drivers need to take the "scenic route". that's what it's there for. It's another word for 'you drive like a moron? Go this way.'

... and where was Calvin during this temptation phase for a threesome Paul? *tapping foot*

pakcik said...

Dominic..not a single doubt..wish i can screw him upside down ;)

Life Cafez said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Life Cafez said...

Ohh Dominic... such a HOT and gorgous man on earth :) Now start realizing, angel and the devil...there's a huge gap between...

Just Me said...

Who is this Dominic and Colby and if they are hot, why don't I know about them?

I agree, slow people should wait until the rest of us get home before they are let out.

hrugaar said...

So often happens that long traffic tailbacks and hold-ups are caused by an old man driver wearing a hat, going slow. Strange but true. :oD

Anonymous said...

Just keep your cool every time, dear.

That guy is soooo gorgeous! Quite a refresher from the usual caucasian hot men gracing your blogs. And when you said Colby, did you mean Colby Miller? His two other brothers (Troy and KC, although both go as Monteros) are hotties, too!

Anonymous said...

*Stands beside Annie and tapping foot, waiting for explanation*

Anonymous said...

Post and comments entertaining as ever! I love the tapping foot. Well....

Annie said...

LOL! *High 5*
Calvin's the MAN!

SOMEBODY's gotta keep Dr. Paul in line..

ash said...

colby is so mine. we cud trade them for one night though, u take colby, i take dom. hahaha..

Jay said...

Threesome? So that's me, Dominic and Colby... um, where does that leave you, then?

Kiss My Mike said...

i usually flash my lights to slow drivers. and if that didn't help, tailgate! lol. was that rude?

akihisa said...

Hi Paul!! Cool blog layout!

Traffic in Msia is not as bad as in Indonesia and China, I think. For me, it is still tolerable. As long as I'm driving an automatic. ;p

Dominic is certainly a FINE piece of meat...oops, I mean, man!! LOL!

Ahmad

savante said...

True, nyonya! Gotta watch what we say.

famezgay, hot is right!

Well, never said that Calvin couldn't join in, Anniieieieie....

Same here pakcik... possibly in any position!

No need to decide, lifecafez. It's a fantasy... take both!

Google them and marvel over their hunkiness, cr.

Old man wearing a hat, ru? Shall watch out for them!

Unfortunately hot asian men don't seem to wanna bare their chests for some odd reason, mark! Yeah, Colby Miller is right!

Thanks, anon!

True, ash. Sharing is good.

Don't be naughty, Jay. learn to share.

No worries, mike. I do pretty much the same.. no flashing lights though.

Thanks, ahmad. glad to see you back online!

Paul

S said...

Argh! Don't get me started on slow drivers.

But, what's worse are crazy-ass drivers who bumper-hump you, then cut in front of you (when you change lanes) and put on the brakes.

savante said...

God, I hate those drivers too! Why step on the brakes!

Paul

Las montaƱas said...

Yeah, nothing, I repeat, NOTHING beats a geriatic driving hogging a 90km/j lane at 50km/j. You only find out when you finally get to the head of the queue!

The next one is the football mama driving a HUGE MPV, and she is hogging the right lane!! When you pass her, she is examining her face for makeup impefectations in the mirror.... grrr

Anonymous said...

OMG! Dom is so hot, Colby too, but too bad he left MTV Asia. Colby is not afraid to take his shirt off! He's got a nice body (and hairy armpit hehe) that makes he's even hotter!!!

Dom should take his shirt off, somehow, look at his arm, he's got a fine muscle!!! I bet he works out a lot ;)