Sunday, April 15, 2007

Reap This

Since Charming Calvin admits to a certain morbid fear of horror movies ( picture him hiding under the dependable comfort blanket at home ), I have to depend on Big Bicep Barry for my occasional dose of creepy critters and cleaver-carrying crazies. Unlike Jaunty Jared who has his morbid movie-going mama.

Wonder whether she dresses up as Mrs Bates :P

The Covenant
Ye Gods! Not another horror movie!?

Originally meant to drool shamelessly over Chris Evans in Sunshine but since Barry finished his work early for once ( actually stole out furtively from his factory like a thief in the night ) and we planned for a late supper, we caught an earlier movie at random - which turned out to be the horror flick, the Reaping. Once bitten by the mind-numbing puzzle Re-cycle, we actually thought of giving the flick a miss but decided to bite the bullet and give it a try.

For zealous followers of the Holy Book, you'll have the special treat of seeing the legendary ten plagues that a pissed-off Moses inflicted on those poor disbelieving ancient Egyptians literally come to life. Talk about going all Old Testament! Believe me, you wouldn't want a shower of floppy dead frogs raining down on you either. And we haven't even gotten to the maggots, locusts and boils yet. These old Biblical terrors obviously start with rivers of blood which freak out the good old church-going redneck folk of Haven who place the blame squarely on the bony shoulders of an eerie-eyed blond swamp gal.

But our intrepid heroine ( aren't they all? ) played by the thespian-on-a-break Hillary Swank takes it all in macho stride. Not only is she a dedicated ex-missionary turned brilliant scientist bent on debunking mystical curses and religious miracles, she also manages to look utterly ravishing in a white nightie while making chilly midnight runs around spooky Louisiana bayous.

And look how amazingly selfless she is. Her entire family gets viciously massacred ( somehow missing her! ) as blood sacrifice by superstitious villagers and she remains stoic about the unfortunate circumstances.

Paul : Damn. That's all?!
Barry : Well she does have nightmares about it.
Paul : My endless fury would know no bounds! I would have razed the entire fucking village to the ground!
Barry : Sometimes you scare me.
Paul : Scary would be sucking on the marrow of their misbegotten children.

Don't freak yet. The movie is suspenseful but not scream-till-your-bladder-overflows scary. Barely even had the chance to grab Barry's biceps while screaming my lungs out in fear - only managed a small squeal of surprise when flying frogs fell from the sky.

Flying frogs are now officially on my list of icky items.


Sue said...

I'm with Charming Calvin; hiding my head under the covers.

Cyclohelix said...

hmm, looking forward for the flick, next week [pause], week..

Allan Yap & Nigel A. Skelchy said...

Hey Paul, Sunshine wasn't horror flick lah and wait for Fantastic 4 II to ogle Chris Evans

He wasn't stripping for nobody. ;-)

Allan Yap & Nigel A. Skelchy said...

Eh, my other half also doesn't like horror flicks. Maybe we could go together next time?


strapping.shane said...

GASP. Since when do you watch horror movies! Hypocrite! =P

cleo weiland said...

I'm the kinda person who loves a good scare. I know I can't even sleep well after a good horror flick but I still watch it, just for the thrill. I'm even frightened by the predictable scares!

Haven't seen Hilary Swank in a bit eh? I was hoping she'd come out in a bang.

Annie said...

I so forget to come here and read your daily blog Paul. It always makes me laugh and educates me to the no end.

I've been wanting to see The Reaping; but was afraid it would be a cheap horror-make-you-pee-your-pants flick and not a real scary movie that makes you think about stuff. Thanks for the analysis. The only other movie I know of is "The Seventh Sign" with Demi Moore in it that talks about the "end of the world".

Bicep Barry didn't flinch?

Dissected flying frogs are ickier. I think that's from Pet Cemetary.

Anonymous said...

ooh hilary swank is the bomb in the show! haven't seen her look better in ages. i'm so going to watch it when it comes out here.

but you could've act scared and grabbed on to BBB's biceps anyway. :p

Jonzz said...

Hmm, so do you recommend it as a worthy watch?

Ban said...

Hee. Flying frogs. After nonsense like the river of blood, I can just imagine the Eygytians looking at Moses and going, "Oh come on! *Frogs*???"

connerkent said...

i am so watching this! :D

William said...

Good God! Flying frogs... would go so well with flying woks and flying ginger and spring onion... emmm

savante said...

It's not scary, I promise sue!

Only okay, cyclohelix, jonzz and connerkent! Watch if you have a free evening.

No striping Chris Evans!? Sigh, what a waste of talent, nigel! And yeah, we can go horror together.

I do watch horror. I just don't pay for them, shane.

She did sort of come out in a bang, cleo :P

No flinching from barry or me, anniiieee.... it's not that scary.

You want calvin to kill me, junkie? No grabbing biceps :P

Well, ban, imagine if the Chinese saw the flying frogs. Talk about buffet!

See! Even william is getting hungry!