Sunday, March 18, 2007

Oh the Horrors!

Has been a good long time since I've actually seen a good horror flick at the cinema.

One is because I just don't feel like doling out perfectly good cash just to be scared out of my wits ( can do that perfectly well on my own, thank you very much ). And anyway if you've screamed at one silly featherheaded heroine who insists on another intrepid turn down that long, narrow hospital corridor where an arm-slashing, decapitating psycho with a grudge resides in wait for her, it's probably been one time too many!

Bimbo : Ooh, I know that crazy psycho killer who feasted on my unfortunate boyfriend's entrails lies somewhere in wait for me in the dark abandoned hospital but I just have to go take a look again. Who knows, I might get lucky.

( takes a tentative step in, making a helluva lot of noise )
Slasher : There you are, my pretty! Take that!!
Bimbo : Ouch. Was that my arm?
Slasher : Yeah. Now take this!
Bimbo : Ouch. I could have used that hand. Now should I run or continue screaming?

Seriously if I was a pretty blond cheerleader with a deranged slasher after me, I'd run far far far away. If I couldn't do so for some inexplicable reason, I'd get my hands on a rusty chainsaw.

But I digress.

Second reason I don't watch horror flicks these days is an easily scared Charming Calvin who refuses to catch anything that bears even the slightest resemblance to a horror flick - eventhough he frequents karaoke joints, which for me seems a million times worse than any legendary Haunted House. And brave though I am, I'm sure as hell not watching slasher films alone :)

Of course we also have oddly masochistic guys like Jaunty Jared who's a massive Scream fan ( along with his doting mama shockingly enough! ). Not sure what exactly prompted the two to form their own Ghosbusting Movie Squad but they seem to have covered every pontianak, vampire and werewolf tale for the past decade or so. Since I've known the guy, not a single movie featuring a bloodied hand armed with a chainsaw or a haunted mirror reflecting a scared witless face has passed by his notice. Think Addams Family Movie Reviewers. Always wondered if their home resembles nothing more than the infamously freakish Bates Motel :)

Hanging out
God, I just know there has to be someone hanging behind me...

Still, despite his recommendations, I'm getting a bit tired of cliched horror flicks - especially those of the Asian persuasion with the 360-degree swivelling heads with spewing projectile vomit and the stereotypical anemic Asian jade with long, streaming unwashed tresses. After all, just how many times can you see one dead-eyed zombiefied boy crawl monstrously in slow-mo down the corridor? And did I tell you my own near-nightmarish experience with Re-cycle?

Which is why Jared recommended something light and easy for me last weekend, handing me a silly but hilarious Korean movie titled the Ghost House which effectively lampoons every Asian horror flick imaginable. At first I was a tad skeptical seeing as I'm one of the few who hasn't been swept away by the so-called Korean entertainment tsunami. Come on, do you think I'll be moved by weepy sentimental Winter Sonatas with wimpy, helplessly hand-wringing protagonists?

Or even worse by spoiled sassy girls who get their groove by beating on their submissive quiet ( yet surprisingly built! ) boyfriends. Really don't get that. Though you know... I am starting to see the appeal of hot Korean boys. :)

But I have to give the devil his due. Let's face it, it's far from Academy Award winning fare but hell, it's entertaining for a late evening with my chips and tea. Hunky Korean ex-marine boy ( with a marked phobia for decapitated chickens ) gets scared out of his wits by an ingenuous ghost who's trying to protect her home by going through every haunted trick imaginable! Now, how cute can that be?

And Big Bicep Barry's always game for some cheap howls after all.


Linus Linnaeus said...

Being Catholic...horror doesn't scare me becos somewhat taught me to say I am protected by the blood of christ when the chills come....and I'll be okay...but then you know what...they are movies where the horrors are happening right infront of a crucifix...suddenly the fact that I am Catholic has a reverse effect...see Curse of Emily Rose, The Exorcist and St. Agnes ....damn damn damn damn dan scary...for froggie anyways...


xoussef said...

i am pretty much like Charming Calvin, i have a horror fobia :p

Running Dan said...

Hee. Sounds like you guys had fun. :)
Should show that one to Calvin.

hrugaar said...

Karaoke joints and horror flicks - an interesting parallel, heh.

Yay for hottie Korean boys! ;oP

closetalk said...

hehehe. to tell de truth, i identify with calvin. *yikes*

Dave said...

Horror films have not made it into the list of the must watch movies for the past few years.

Reason is simple: Kimchi flavoured horror is just a plain rip off from Wasabi flavoured horror. Chinese horrors are exhausted, Hollywood horror are plain boring, with nothing but imitation/adaptation from Asian horrors.

Cute Korean boys =/= Good Korean horror filcks, but they do made good Korean porn.

jase said...

horror show.. kong bu.. scarry..

strapping.shane said...

Gasp. You watched a horror movie!? Blasphemous! I thought you'd never watch it even!

charming.calvin said...

It was really inappropriate when the movie trailers before the Mukshin show were Chermin and the "Jangan Pandang Belakang" show (never got to know the name of the movie, don't want to know anyway).

I closed my eyes, but that was definitely not enough, I still could hear them. I shall put a pair of ear plugs in my bag from now on.

Stupid cinema.

Thanks for those who are with me, just to let me know that I'm not alone.