Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Beercan Boy

Something interesting happened last night.

No. It had nothing to do with ten wet naked marines, a cramped shower and hungry little me.

What happened was a phone call, an impatient man and a broken heart.

My ISO : Hey, you free?
Paul : Not really. Anything?
My ISO : You're lying around at home doing nothing, aren't you?
Paul : Stop reading my mind, bitch.
My ISO : Dinner in twenty. Beercan Boy extends his invitation.

Okay, I admit my friends and I do have an appalling tendency to give awfully unflattering nicknames to everyone and their mothers. Several discreditable names have gone through our roster from Bad Handbag Lady to Stained Underwear Guy. Don't even want to know what they call me when I'm out of earshot. Fag Doc? Saint Wicked?

But I digress.

FYI. Beercan Boy is one of my old schoolmates who actually lives really close by - nice sweet bambi-eyed guy really - but we rarely get the chance to meet, me being busy with love and career ( and a demanding boyfriend ) and Beercan Boy being embroiled in various entanglements with his on-off-on-again girlfriend. My ISO and I coined the name for him six months back during a wedding dinner when Beercan Boy appeared all heartbroken, woozy and alone - shockingly without his high school girlfriend. I say shockingly because for years back in school, Beercan Boy and his sweetheart, Anorexia Alice were the nauseatingly annoying, attached-at-the-hip together-forever Richandamy couple of the school.

Seems like Anorexia Alice decided to opt for a sexy, foreign hip replacement leaving Beercan Boy miserably bereft with a broken heart and a beer bottle. Needless to say, he spent the dinner getting awfully drunk - and spent the drive afterwards getting awfully sick.

Soused
One too many beer cans

Hence the name.

Despite our heart-to-heart talk that night six months ago, Beercan Boy didn't seem to have entirely gotten over his failed affair. Possible retrograde amnesia a result of the hurled up liquor along with eight courses of bad Chinese wedding dinner. And possibly a sudden relapse when he saw Anorexia strolling happily together with her new hip replacement, seemingly oblivious to him - the walking wounded.

Still, a limping friend in need.

Of course my far from tactful ISO was brutal as could be. As was I. I know as friends we should sympathize like Oprah, let him vent his troubles and hold his trembling hand. Maybe even shed empathetic tears with him while offering dark chocolates and Rocky Road. But we already did that six months back. And we're guys. And that's just not us.

And probably Beercan Boy didn't need all that liberal talkshow lovin' since he was the one who called us.

We gave him tough love. And without sweet, sweet alcohol to numb the pain either.

My ISO : Breakups are crap and we all hate it. But it's over. She's moved on dammit.
Paul : And it's time you did as well.
My ISO : So stop mooning and hanging over her.
Paul : What he said.
Beercan : You're gonna give me the plenty of fish in the sea comment.
My ISO : Well you're not exactly a trout but I'm sure some tuna's gonna go for you one day ... if you're lucky.
Paul : Perhaps a guppy.
Beercan : You're both assholes.
Paul : Who are sticking you with the dinner bill.
My ISO : Really? Let's get dessert!

A friend in need indeed.

9 comments:

Perky said...

Hehehehe... that's what friends are for =) and that's exactly what my friends and i do for each other. hehehe.

xoussef said...

In french when you say a tuna you mean a fat ugly girl :p

Tumbling Dan said...

Heh. If it's been six months already, I'd say he deserved that.

k said...

poor kid though

jase said...

awwww.. That is so cute. Guppies, trouts and tunas.. Couldn't be a salmon or shark? haha. And I guess you ain't that wicked if you could still go out and keep a friend company, eh? :p

William said...

Salted fish are the best. They won't run out on you and they smell great...errr.. if you stir-fry them with belacan.

Roxie said...

Haha. That's the way I do it. In fact, I did just that this morning with my friends, who are both being idiots...

But without the ice cream beginning. Sometimes, I eat ice cream *while* administering tough love... but I don't share.

For them to watch me enjoy it while they suffer is all part of the healing process. :D

Will said...

Here in the States, "Beercan" would be a nickname for a guy with a short, but thick, um..."appendage." Needless to say, I thought this post was going in a completely different direction.

DonPato said...

What a hot circle of fiends! And sexy imagine all of them holding you just for a short time.

Due to my endowment they used to just call me the beer can.

I would just say here comes the beer can and they would grab the bed and moan. Id sorta would have go in like a incoming missile and lots of k.y.

DonPato
GayMoscow