Monday, January 21, 2008

Temper Tantrums

Last night I nearly killed someone.

You see, I have a temper.

Much better these days of course. Mellowed with age and experience and all that. Since I rarely let my temper get away from me, folks start assuming that I'm a perpetually sunny, peppy person all the time. Which is as far from the truth as it gets honestly since I do actually possess a temper of my own. Doesn't show itself all that often which is one of the reasons all my best frenemies are quick to point out that I can be quite the ice-cold bitch.

It's certainly not the quick flash of temper that fades away just as fast as it appears - the kind my dad and my brother ( and my niece I think ) share. Where the bark's usually much worse than their bite since they've calmed down reasonably by that time.

My temper's a different kinda monster. Starting with a tiny flicker, it slowly builds up heat and steam as it simmers silently. While I appear perfectly calm on the outside, I'm actually starting to boil a little - and it frequently amazes me that the compacted steam hasn't started pouring out of my ears till I'm just at the brink of a catastrophic explosion.

THAR she blows!

And when it finally blows, everyone within range gets caught in the devastating blast effects - including any innocent bystanders who happen to get caught in the falling debris. Seriously. Like Vesuvius, it explodes but rarely ( maybe once in a couple of years? ) but once it's loose, memorably cutting sarcasm comes pouring out like molten lava turning the unprepared victims around stone ashen. Don't believe in the well-worn adage that words don't hurt as much as sticks and stones. Bruises heal but memories remain.

So when a... misguided colleague ( another Scalpel Sith who's been baiting me for days ) finally stepped on my tail last night, I practically erupted. Talk about a nasty diatribe. Everything from her uncooperative attitude to her uncomplimentary wardrobe to her unmarriageable status got summarized into a cold pithy sentence that left her shocksilenced.

Somehow it's a crazed black rage that I find myself sometimes unable to wrest into control which is why I usually hide away for a spot of quiet brooding meditation counting sheep - at least before I inadvertently wrestle someone to the ground, punch them around and tear their heads off.

Just to see blood spurt.

Violent? I know. Though I usually stick to verbal punches. Doesn't leave me any less remorseful afterward though. Short of being an unfeeling monster without a conscience ( as my detractors would claim ), we're always left feeling a little guilty later. So as the ads go, start counting sheep :P


Shah & Drew said...

my dad has a temper too. he gets angry over the tiniest things, blows up, and then just as quickly calms down, leaving us all shocked and confused at the same time.

i'm starting to exhibit the same behaviour. hence, me wanting to move out ASAP.

but i think it's better to have those short bursts of anger than to keep it inside and letting it simmer.

wanna feel better? eat a blueberry custard! hahahaha :p

Ben said...

No one would believe if I said I had a very bad temper. I usually bottle up everything and I end up showing it to the ones I am closest too. They would just have to touch on the most sensitive part and I blow. Which is stupid...

Colleagues, have only seen me get irritated, nothing more.I usually bite my tongue and throw darts with my look. If that doesnt help, I snap and walk away. Cause I know if I stayed any longer there, I might end up leaving without a job for the next day.

jamie da vinci! said...

weird! is this a gay thing of what? my dad and brother share the same temper too! they have bursts of extreme anger, then after, it goes away like nothing happened.

i on the other hand, believing i have mastered the chinese art of repression keep things bottled up. that is, until i reach critical mass. i swear, i think i'm gonna have a stoke one of these days!

small, controlled bursts are healthy i suppose. i speak out my mind now and ppl are thinking i'm turning into a bitch. a far cry from the docile lamb everyone though i was before. well.. screw them! :)

Lewis said...

"Thar she blows" that related to the temper tantrum or something else? Please, we all have our moments in history. You're not alone in your anger.

m5lvin said...

sounds like a Taurean-like temper...lolx

nemesis-on-fire said...

the good doc paul is a taurean?

i think everyone has a temper. just what kinda temper :P

yeah, i'm snarky and sarcastic, but never really fucking MAD.

only a certain kinda person can push those buttons and get that horrendous combo, and honestly, i think they deserve my diatribe that runs the entire gamut of insults from A to Z. :P

now i wonder what that pithy sentence was ;) hehe. i think that's what people would call a 'crushing putdown'? :P

TJay said...

Ah yes, the temper... I'm generally a rather sensible soul being a Cancer... however, piss me off the wrong way...

My first formulative years as a Gay man... being brought out into my own by Drag Queens...

A gentleman, a man who doesn't mind getting dirty with work but cross the line and I go from 'Zero to Bitch' in less than 60 seconds

savante said...

Don't tempt me with the custard, shah!

End up without a job, ben? that bad!

Guess we do learn to repress quite a lot, jamie.

Just love that line, lewis :)

Hardly, m5lvin and nemesis. I'm a Scorpio.

Zero to Bitch :) That's pretty fast, tjay!


D-Man said...

Yeah, that's me, too.