Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Surrogate Moms & Wannabe Dads

In my previous relationship any mention of the pitter patter of little feet would have my commitment-phobic ISO getting the dry heaves. Even now, it's quite possible that he'd opt for a vasectomy rather than risk the minuscule chance of paternity - even knowing full well there's no way his male partners could ever bear children.

The only way he'd venture near the infantry is to date them. :P

So judging by the shockingly child-unfriendly homos around these parts, I've always imagined that Charming Calvin wouldn't be all that interested in having children either. I mean sure I've mentioned it once or twice in my blog and he has replied not unfavourably but that didn't seem to mean anything substantial.

Then somehow yesterday he started talking about babies.

Next year!
Christmas comes early this year?

Oddly enough. In the recent past, he's never ever brought up that subject before so I've always imagined that he got the heebie-jeebies whenever anything vaguely paediatrics cropped up. That doesn't seem to be the case however. Not sure whether the prohibitive non-politically-correct one-child policy in China has gotten to him - or whether it's the admittedly polluted ( and personality-changing ) water supply in his building.

Or maybe just some bad mooshu pork.

But in a fit of crazed ( pollutant-chemical-induced? ) belligerence, he came up with a nefarious scheme to coerce an innocent girl we know into agreeing to stand in as our surrogate mother. Yes, the pupil has indeed surpassed the master.

Calvin even came up with a roster of names for the baby. Trust me, it was a surreal discussion as we wondered whether to hyphenate our surnames. An odd notion but I've actually seen it done. And you know how important family names are to the Chinese.

I won't quibble over the Chinese names since I hardly speak a word, much less understand the written word - and Calvin would certainly know better. Nothing that rhymes though. Nor anything that repeats itself so no Ting Ting, Ling Ling or Ching Ching. Nothing that is spelled in an abnormal manner, with multiple xyzs or comes with a hideous hyphen either.

Fine. I am a bloody control bitch.

For a Christian name however, I like simple names. Anne. Emma. Grace. Saloma. While our friend there enjoys the more unusual ( peculiar-sounding names ) such as Avril, Britney and Christina. Somehow I wouldn't want any daughter of mine to become a drunken teenage rockstar with a patent disregard for undergarments. Though it's quite a mouthful, we might compromise with the name Elizabeth.


Hopefully it's a boy though. I know, how Confucianist-sexist am I? But Aaron does sound nice, doesn't it? Or maybe a Nate? Can already imagine standing at the banister yelling at a slacker kid called Nate - 'You'd better get your work done, Nathaniel Christopher Wong Kar Wai, before I get upstairs! You hear that!'

Crazy pipe dreams, I know... but imagine a baby all the way from China! I am already feeling all Charlotte York!

12 comments:

Ryan said...

Ooh! First a car, now a baby! You sure two homo dads can raise a girl? Isn't it awkward for dads to raise a girl especially during her puberty period?

Just a thought! :p

Lewis said...

Ooooohhhhh......wow. Big new investments in the home front, perhaps? I'd suggest a Vallium and drink....and see how you feel in the morning.

Daniel Henry said...

dr paul dr paul~ did you buy the silk G3? gosh... using it??? GOSH... so soft~ buy more then your future kids can sleep with it too~ soooooooooo comfty~

joshua said...

Oh my.

But Lil Nate is bound to be dressed to the nines and toilet trained by 9 months huh?

But why the sudden paternal instinct urge?

TJay said...

Holy hell, that brings back memories... all not too swift either. My Ex was the same way about kids. I wanted to adopt (boy, around 5-10 yrs old due to so many out there that age that people ignore; everyone wants the cute baby); he however, balked.

I still think of doing so, even as a single parent, and would be nice to find a child or teenager who identifies as Gay to be there for them unlike what I went through.

The Ex's boyfriend has now made it abundantly clear that he WILL never be called Uncle (I got smart and said "Ok bitch, how about Auntie?").

It isn't in the cards soon until thing get situated better.

And what is it with so many gay men having issues with kids? They were kids once themselves. Isn't better to bring some up that aren't bigots?

Queer Ranter said...

Ooooo. Can I be the baby sitter? :P

christopherc said...

There's little doubt that homosexuals have the desire to share love too.

It once was said by Bill Cosby that the only reason to have children is to provide one's own immortality; after 5 of them he only hopes to live long enough to get them out of the house.

Good luck with your venture into parenthood.

-C

Ah-Bong said...

ooooo how cute!!! Nathaniel Christopher Wong Kar Wai. :P

who's the Wong here? u or him?

Shah & Drew said...

i don't need my own. i'm already taking care of my 3-day old nephew and i still help to take care of my 3-year old niece as well.

so none of my own please...

but paul, with the two of you working crazy hours, will that little kid actually have parents?

just a thought...

Quentin X said...

My friend Indie wants twins and thinks he can just buy a pair off the market. :)
Someone's getting clucky? They must have forgotten to take the morning after pill.

savante said...

IT's a dream, I guess, ryan! A girl during her puberty period? Shouldn't be a problem for me :P

Still feel the same about it, lewis!

Ooh, i wish I did, daniel! Is it going for cheap?

Definitely dressed to the nines. No cheap pasar malam wear for junior, joshua.

Yes! Call him Auntie, tjay!

You can but we're not paying. We'll just scare you into doing it.

Thanks, chris!

Just made up the name lah, ah bong. At random.

we will hire a maid. And I guess one of us would step back a little on the job front if it ever happens. Probably me. Unlikely event though, shah.

Doesn't always work if you don't take the pill, quentin :P

Paul

mstpbound said...

i know this is late, but i LOVE this post. also, i totally have a soft spot for charlotte york, even though i <3 samantha more... ;p