Twelve Drummers Drumming

Eleven Drivers Sniping
Ten Lord-A-Sleepin
Nine Prayers Pending
Eight Maids-A-Gossipin
Seven Hours-A-Lazin
Six Tease-and-Lay-Em
Five Golden Things
Four Tangled Hearts
Three Insomniac Men
Two Slaughtered Birds
And A Party in the Pantry

Honesty is the best policy.

Or is it?

Well let me share with you a secret. What if I said that I spent the early hours of the New Year macking with my ex over Bailey's? Well there was mistletoe ( where the fuck did he get them? ) and it's a new year tradition with us so I can hardly be churlish enough to refuse.


Fancy seeing you here!
But for reasons unbeknownst - can't even point the blame at inebriation since I barely took a sip - I did decide to spend the night over after the eve. Just took one quick glance at the tremendous traffic crawl after the drunken new year's eve revelry ( where the fuck did they all come from! ) and I changed my mind about tailgating all the way back. Why spend an hour cursing the slowpoke drivers while hitting my head intermittently on the wheel?

Took a quick detour over to his place and spent the hour curled up on his ratty cushions talking about our missing ( and obviously unable to protest ) classmates instead. It was almost like old times - except that rather than Chumbawamba Tubthumping in the background, we had Timbaland claiming the Way I Are.

Paul : Maybe the witch is finally dead!
My ISO : Hardly. I heard her ex-husband wanted her dead, tried and failed. Many times.
Paul : Well, she's impossible to kill. We've been trying for years!
My ISO : I think she undertook a pact with the devil.
Paul : You mean she isn't the devil? What about her devil spawn - remember they tried to climb up the curtains?
My ISO : Hardly! She can't be the devil. Have you seen her sagging... Wait! I haven't told you about Edwin cheating on his girlfriend yet.
Paul : Why am I not surprised? The last one was a blind fool, I'm sure.
My ISO : Our bottle's finished. Wanna play a game?

Yes, we were the original gossip guys. Nothing we love more than dissing our AWOL friends.

And we love to play spin the bottle.

I bet the drummers are drumming.