Thursday, July 26, 2007



Everyone has them. Little niggling doubts and fears that we try to bury deep inside hoping no one sees. Even the most seemingly confident have their achilles heel, perhaps hidden beneath multilayers of pompous false bravado but it's there, that little inextinguishable weakness and self doubt.

Even Sweetheart Sam this seemingly smooth, self-assured guy finds himself doubting his relationship. Look, I honestly find Sam one of the most awesome guys I know. If you're in trouble stuck in a ditch somewhere, this is the guy you'd call. ( Of course if you murdered someone, I'm the guy you'd call ) Cute enough, certainly no ravishing male model - and why would he want to be? - but he's just about the nicest guy ever. Seriously he's so sweet, diabetics can't even go near him for fear of falling into a coma.

God probably planned our meeting so I'd repent for my sins. Me, I think his boyfriend is one lucky bugger.

Blond hunk
I'm a nice guy! Really! Ask anyone!

And yet he finds himself doubting his relationship, searching for faults when there are none. Afraid that he might be too much of a Mr-Nice-Guy, just a slippery slope from that dependable doormat who gets taken for a ride. Mixed metaphors, I know. But seriously, when did being a nice guy turn into a fault? According to his bosom buds, a surfeit of goodness leads to inevitable boredom in the long run.

Hell, did Prince Charming know all this?

So Sam worries.

But then I tell him all of us have doubts of our own. Charming Calvin with his monthly dose of insecurities, Big Bicep Barry with his gym bag of doubts... hell, even me. Sometimes I look into the mirror at the veritable Hunchback of Notredame in my reflection and I wonder. But that moment of weakness is brief. I know my self worth. It's not based on something as ephemeral as looks ( though I wouldn't mind transforming into Chris Evans ). Not even based on my wealth of which I have none.

Sam : How do you remain so ...
Paul : Arrogant, overly confident bastardlike?
Sam : I wasn't going to say that.
Paul : Because I know myself. I know my faults. I know my weaknesses. If you don't like me then you can just fucking shove off the nearest gorram cliff.
Sam : That's what I mean.
Paul : I think it's the crunchy cereal I take in the morning.

And if being a Mr Nice Guy leads to his boyfriend leaving him, I'd be happy enough to lend some poison.


Ryan said...

Now who is that Sam aka Mr Nice Guy?! I'll show him how a nice guy should be treated?! LOL...

Yeah, you're right! 'Insecurities' and 'Uncertainties' were once haunting me days and nights. They'd basically thrown me into the deep valley of darkness.

Somehow I've learned that we are the one who create possibilities and histories. It's hopeless to waste our time worrying over something that we can't control. We might as well improve ourselves and be a better person each day. And create better histories each day in our life.

Lewis said...

Don't you just love it when these sorts of insecurities rear their ugly the most terrible of times. I can appear as a confident, level-headed, person. But, i can assure you, even i have doubts and questions from time to time.

Janvier said...

We keeps the chocolate handy for the insecurities that we can deal with. For those we can't...we'll ignore them till they go away.

Awww, Sam sounds so sweet. :) Hopefully he doesn't end up a welcome mat.

Jason said...

There must be something that caused him to think like that, perhaps his boyfriend's attitude? But Ryan is right, we can't control that. It's a matter to accept or to reject.

Would lurve to meet this Mr Nice Guy. ;)

Annie said...

Insecurities and flaws? Not me. I'm perfect!

PERFECT.. that's me.

I've heard the saying that if your partner doesn't somehow bring the best side in you, then he's not destined to be your partner. A companion makes us feel good about ourselves! Confident! and just all bright and shiney like a Care Bear. LOL! Seriously!

Anonymous said...

Are you sure when you look into the mirror, the hunchback of Notredame looks back at you.. A picture of your good self is in order than for all to review then..


savante said...

Well its someone we all know, ryan. But already taken loh.

Think all of us have some sort of doubts, lewis. At least every once in a while.

Chocolate handy? Good advice, janvier.

Maybe there is a reason, jason. Will have to ask him.

Aniiiieeee.. love your reasoning. So glad to have you around.

Hope you're right, anon.


Alex said...

Who doesn't know about the sweetest Sweetheart?

I'm sure Prince Charming knows about all this... if not, he's truly blind!