Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Divine Homosexuality

Despite the religious rhetoric spouted by some of his overzealous followers, God doesn't want me to be straight obviously.

If you'd recall I actually had a date planned this week - the inevitable results of Machiavellian machinations by a couple of matchmaking minxes. Before you stare in shock and wonder whether I've gone off the monogamous course, you'll have to know that I deftly talked a bewildered Miss Jardine into going on a blind date with me. Yes. A girl. My first hesitant dip into the waters of heterosexuality. :P

Not as exciting as a bath in the River of Jordan but hey, still as eventful in my life.

Fatal words
Baby, it's not you. It's me...

Now I'm not sure if I can even make it for the heterosexual meet since I've been feeling a bit under the weather recently. Especially after the excesses of last weekend. Caught a bug. Or two. Feel woozy enough at present that I might just unwittingly swoon into her lithe arms if I were to go on the date as planned. Not exactly romantic for a guy to do so - especially if it's followed by an ungentlemanly bout of coughing and retching.

Is this a sign from up above? Has that omniscient being we call God ( or some call a delusion ) finally gotten wind of my shocking defection from the fabulous pink army and decided quickly to put a stop to it by divine intervention?

Pretty sure it's not a psychosomatic disorder. Doubt I could ever psyche myself into a fever. Of course Charming Calvin would have it that I lost my temper with several irresponsible relatives once too often last weekend - severely unbalancing my inner chakras / yin and yang. Much too long a story to repeat ( at least not without me fuming and spouting flames again ) but suffice to say, a few of my far-flung relatives have a peculiar sense of filial piety.

They don't have any.

Calvin : You should have seen your face.
Paul : Scary?
Calvin : You were too hot. So angry that you looked like you were on fire.
Paul : Smoke rising from the top of my head? Yeah, it felt like it.

Maybe he has something there.

So I shall have to meditate to cleanse all my ill feeling.


Queer Ranter said...

Divine intervention?! Hehehhehe.

I wonder how you look like when you're all fired up.

Legolas said...

Flame on!

Ban said...

*roasts marshmellows over doc's head

Janvier said...

There is an even more garang look?

Haha reference to the book that's been making everyone's curious list. He's not our delusion tho.

Annie said...

It's allergies. Cough it up to allergies. You're nervous. Of course, you should be nervous. You're meeting a woman under false pretenses. She's hoping the find the man of her dreams and when she realizes you're not and will never be interested - well, then you'll feel like a putz.

Never fear, good juju must be near. All good things happen to good people. Betcha you'll make a good friend. If friendship is not in the cards, then be prepared for female hormonal out of control ... um.. you know....

You turned off your RSS feed option. I just figured that out. Pout.

savante said...

I look... you gotta ask Calvin, queer rant. I'm so mad I'd probably break the mirror if I looked at it.

True, legolas.

You can do that with eggs as well, ban.

Not sure what it looks like tho, janvier.

Anniieieie... I turned off the RSS feed? Really? How do you turn it back on?


jay said...

You never know. A few years back my chest was hurting me for absolutely no reason. It lasted for days.

X-rays and everything showed nothing. To this day I do not know what caused it. So maybe it's your mind's way of saying "We've come this far, we're not going back." or maybe it's just the powers above. lol.

Ryan said...

You'd just remind me again of Johnny in the Fantastic Four 2 when he was half-naked, smoke rising up from his whole body.


Anyway, hope you managed to vanquish all your 'ill-feeling' already.

jason said...

Em... *portraying doc as Johnny the Human Torch* drool.... :p

Ji Yuan said...

sorry but i'm new here...

you're saying that you're a homosexual trying to get straight in this post?

:: samasam :: said...

ur having a date? with a women??...real women..?? wohooo....good luck...

Annie said...

Seriously? Ya didn't know you turned it off? Ah, you just messin' with me... you expert blogger... it's why I forget to check your blog, it's not listed in my RSS blogger feed telling me you have updated your blog with a new entry. Screws up my routine you see.

It's under your blogger Dashboard page, Settings -----> then tab over the Site Feed ---> You'll see under the first row entitled Blog Post Feed: You've probably chosen "None".. You can choose "short".

but I'm sure you knew that, silly man