Friday, November 17, 2006

Together Time

One of the oddest things I've found about people in new relationships is the fact that they practically immerse themselves totally into that novel bewitching experience. Bonding is wonderful but super-seal-glue bonding? They wake up together, they eat together, they go to movies together, they sleep together, they go shopping together... short of breathing the same oxygen and sharing blood supply ( and I bet they've tried ), they practically do everything together. Just short of the infamously inseparable duo Richandamy from the syndicated comic strip Zits.

Frequently guys who are seeing each other start getting the funniest comments from their friends - kinda like the one I just received from Strapping Shane.

Paul : Sure you can come along! Calvin won't mind.
Shane : Really? Sure you guys won't prefer some together time ah?
Paul : Together time?

Seriously. Not the first time I've heard that and it always makes me wonder. What does it mean actually? Does becoming a couple mean automatically merging into a single indistinguishable unit? Sharing the same thoughts, saying the same things, doing the same things. Practically becoming pastel-coloured Stepford clones of each other - only joined at the proverbial hip?

God, that would simply drive me insane :) And besotted couples who amalgamate into a single being - somehow losing their innate ability to think as separate sentient individuals - actually are one of my original pet peeves.

Two sidesTwo sides
Kevin and Scotty

Fortunately I doubt Charming Calvin and I could ever morph into one of those freakishly peculiar Siamese Twins who are permanently wrapped up in each other. In spite of my occasionally antisocial behaviour, our together time definitely doesn't mean to the exclusion of everyone else ( no fear of the proverbial 'lamp-post' ). Although I'm no Little Mr Independent, I'm far from being a clingy spineless limpet either.

Despite the fact that I enjoy sharing his time and space ( boy, do I take up his personal space! ), that doesn't mean that I'll begrudge him his time with his adoring fan-girls, the screaming Calvinettes or even time with his beloved sing song karaoke sessions ( bleh! ) - and I'm sure he doesn't get hissy fits over the fact that I spend a great deal of my time getting lost in Kinokuniya ( actually my sweet Lord of Perpetual Yawn usually nods asleep waiting on the comfortable benches - though he may protest the sly insinuation ) or getting serious payback lunches from my ISO.

And let's face it, every once in a while, I bet the poor guy needs a break from me, the Lord of Unholy Fury. :) All my frequent rants and rages must be quite exhausting for the usually placid guy.

So yeah, Shane, we can be available separately. :) It's not a prepackaged 2-in-1 sale.


strapping.shane said...

How would I know? Was just wondering... just in case I became one of those curious lamp-posts in between happy couples who want some time together alone. =P

Roxanne said...

OMG. My friend is like this. Since she started going out with her BF (a year and a half ago) I've seen her without him, like, three times. In the bathrooms at nightclubs, where he's not allowed go. Ha! No really, I'm not exaggerating. It's sick!! SICK!

charles said...

well it is nice to spend some time together alone but it is also nice to do other things separately to allow the relationship to grow at the same time.

charles said...

well it is nice to spend some time together alone but it is also nice to do other things separately to allow the relationship to grow at the same time.

connerkent said...

Haha! This is so a disclaimer post. ;)

Anonymous said...

Can I go off on a tangent and say I very nearly misread 'the usually placid guy'?


Vengelyne said...

I thought couples are only inseparable when they've first started dating?

But here's a question for the inseparable, amalgamated couple who've been at it for yonks: are they doing it because the passion and sparks are still there? Or does either party feel it's a job, an obligation to fulfill?

I've always wondered about that.

Anonymous said...

When I was younger, I would devote my whole time to my boyfriend(s), making sure that we do things together all the time. I'd even committed the sin of sacrificing my social time with my friends for my guy> Bad idea, i know. Now that I've grown mature in life and in love, I value the time my guy and I spend together, but also nurture individual time when we could do whatever we want with our own set of friends. Makes me miss him more, and makes the heart grow fonder.

pluboy@takashi said...

haha.. i also like paul.. bf is bf.. fren is fren.. got time for bf and got time for fren.. my bf and i agreed on this rule rite from the start so there is not much of a problem, even if we go out together with frens, we are still individuals..

and frens used to ask the "er ren shi jie" two-ppl world thingy.. but we do say its okay.. there are times to be together.. there are times frens would make more enjoyable.. :)

and i have also learn from other couples its okay to become lampost but i have a condition is that couples dun be 'yok ma' - mushy? or else i cannot stand it..

strapping.shane said...

I actually had fun looking at both Paul and Calvin be trapped in their own world of love - fondling each other, cute little stares, occasional playful pinches, etc. etc.

Sigh... makes me wanna run out and find a boyfriend too! =)

Anonymous said...

I think Mark hit the nail on the head. It depends on the maturity of the couple. When I was younger I gave up everything to be with my bf. I was glued to him. But, then I grew up (inevitable) and balanced the events in my life with my bf. Ah, but the blinding bright, single minded love that was, it was brilliant and new!

Annie said...

I think of it Paul as similar to suddenly becoming part of a clique. It happens with couples, with two friends or a group of friends.
A clique being an informal social group formed by people who share common interests. Cliques are fine as long as it doesn't get all emcompassing and alienating to the point of excluding other people from sharing your fantastic personality.

That's simply criminal to not share yourself with other people Paul. I'm glad you do :D and Calvin too!

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Spot said...

RichandAmy did break up though...albeit very briefly. It was funny to see them in individual units.

That really is one of the best illustrated satires I've ever seen. :)

I think it's really important to have different interests (provided there ARE mutual ones to start off with), so that each person can still comfortably retain his/her individuality.

But after my yoga class, I just have the irresistable need to rush home to my little pink pig. And that's after almost 4 years. ;)

matrianklw said...

That's such a mature point of view on relationships. I've always thought the same too. It's so unruly to be doing everything together at the start of a relationship. Kind of pretentious also. It's like flaunting a new shoe at first but later... well, I don't know what happens later.

I just agree to space and alone time!

nyonyapenang said...

healthy relationships need 'alone' time. ;)

strapping.shane said...

That's the thing... it's not ALONE. I'm standing in the middle of the two of them... LOL! =P