Monday, November 06, 2006

Late Night Confessions

People these days seem to be peculiarly averse to taking responsibility for their own actions, whether it's blaming their irresponsible parents for some innocuous action in their childhood to arguing that their strained circumstances led to their antisocial behaviour. Talk shows are full of problematic souls seeking salvation. Demonic children go on a killing spree in schools and blame is placed squarely on teen peer pressure, parental negligence and so on and so forth. In time who knows... they might even go all the way back and point the accusing finger at the blameless obstetrician for botching the delivery - therefore condemning the little monster to a life of crime.

Good God, get some freaking balls and take some responsibility dammit. Blame yourself. You did the crime, now do the time.

Helpful Mormons
Take responsibility and let us help you...

Obviously such snivelling cowardly behaviour extends to a certain group of patients who simply refuse to admit culpability. Finding excuses for their foolish misdemeanours, a dramatic few even start spinning fanciful fables that even Neil Gaiman would be impressed with. What did they think during their tearful confession? That we'd drag them off kicking and screaming to the police station?

The I'm a Virgin Scam

Sure, it's easy enough to claim such pure innocence since it'd be pretty hard to prove otherwise - but when you're heavily swollen with child at 36 weeks?! Seriously doubt divine angelic hosts came down from upon high to spread the good news so please don't claim to be the newly minted Madonna with the Immaculate Conception. At least go find Joseph first.

Some claim that they didn't even know that there was a baby in there - some wind or indigestion perhaps. Seriously, that little fetus kicking, twirling and enacting the limbo rock in there didn't give a clue? What was that again, maybe your intestines had a heartbeat?

And they sometimes claim they didn't know how they'd gotten pregnant? Were they conducting their own experiments about the birds and the bees behind the boys' toilets while the desperately inept Biology teacher was stammering through the vague sex education classes we had? True, then again the aliens might have abducted the whole blameless lot and conducted secret experiments - ala Taken. You just never know, maybe some overly virile stud coughed dangerously in the vicinity and they all became infected with child :O If only it were that easy to get pregnant.

Amazingly enough the suitably horrified mothers of such sainted children sometimes claim not to have noticed that their anointed daughters were gaining weight in an alarming fashion. Seriously. Were they born yesterday?

The I'm not an Illegal Racer Scam

It's a schoolnight and it's 3 in the morning. You simply can't be buying supper or whatever ( Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa anyone? ) for your ailing parents at home. And why are you buying supper with a platoon of similarly dressed grungy looking punks with helmets? Surely they can't all have sickly - yet curiously hungry - folk at home in need of that early morning snack?

Be out. Be proud. You were out trying to score a deal for a skanky chick and a quick buck on an excellent ride. Then the concrete wall came up to meet ya.

Say it. I'll believe ya.

The I'm a Good Girl Scam

Seriously. Get a new scriptwriter. I fervently believe in the right to say no but don't take it to ridiculous lengths please. Reasonably good girls ( with a modicum of common sense ) do not chat up four virile strangers at bus stands and then cheerfully agree to accompany them to God Knows Where Plantation. Come on, a gang of leering uncouth guys who pick up women by the roadside? Do you seriously believe they are marriage material - that one day they're gonna bring ya home to their sainted mama and give you that precious heirloom ring? Do you really think they're only extending an invitation to a convivial platonic game of yahtzee in that isolated lonely plantation?

Please. Seriously, we're not your parents. We might judge but we won't ground you. Just tell the truth. You were plain stupid. Don't make us the dupe.


Not a gripe but a reminder. Remember the earlier post I did about the sheer idiocy of book banning. Well, a few other bloggers decided to write about it :)


Annie said...

What! WHAT! *cry* You mean those guys on the street with signs saying, "yahtzee anybody?" isn't for real? Bah! They just want to have their way with me? Oh.. wait.. are they studly gorgeous men? No.. wait.. that's wrong. nevermind. :P The evil images you put in my innocent and virginal mind Paul. You ARE a influence.


BAh hahahahaha

JL said...

Kasihan... Sabarlah ye, sabar tu separuh daripada iman :)

Maybe you should recommend them to see a shrink. They definitely have some serious 'in denial' issue going on...ether that they are really bad liar :P

Cheers & have a nice day at work!

savante said...

Come on, Anniiieee :) If they were at all studyly gorgeous, I'd have picked all of them up!

jl, you honestly don't feel like smacking some around? :O


Pete said...

Check out this link :) I bet you will love it

BTW, have you ever saw this happen? :P

Anonymous said...

I can't believe these women who don't realize that they are pregnant until the baby is born. I mean come on. Not having a period for eight months has got to be a clue. Ah, the power of denial.

ikanbilis said...

talk about scam. haha!

anyway, 5xMom did blog about book banning too!

Anonymous said...

I bet you remain the cool, calm, collected, cute doctor that you are despite all these hoolabaloos. :-) maybe they should be reminded of the doctor-patient confidentiality?

Goddess of the Earth said...

I can see your point. Everyone once and awhile people should stand up to their mistakes or not. But it's easier said, than done no? Fear ain't going to go away, and how many of us actually have the guts and say "Yes I'm proud I slept with the whore next door" a) not a good idea to spout that off to your family, friends and if married; wife.

After all we're all just little human beings, that will go on and do stupid things, say stupid thing, and not have the guts to do actually say anything about it.

But hey, nothing wrong with that -grins-

Anonymous said...

I wish I had a penny for every time I have tried to pull the I am a virgin scam. I would be rich.

But seriously, I blame it on my neighbors for not letting me get enough sleep.

xavier said...

bravo bravo!!!

*standing ovation

William said...

"I HAVE common sense, but I just choose to ignore it"


oh, those 'basi' and shamelessly immature scams! thank god i'm gay! :P

JL said...

If smacking them could really turn them around...i'm more than happy to oblige ;)

matrianklw said...

Ahahaha! The intestines have a heartbeat! That really cracked me up!

Are these the sort of reasons people come up with? Oh gawd! It's horrible!

But then again, I'd probably do the same (act dumb) if it EVER happens to me. I agree with goddess of the earth. We're only humans.

Maximus Leo said...

I seriously blamed my boarding school mates for making me confused over my sexual preferences!! All those male bonding nights and I have never recovered :-)

I blamed the whole world for my problems......


nyonyapenang said...

"dunno" is the easiest word to utter. you dunno meh?

Anonymous said...

To Pete: What was that all about!? LOL! =P

To Paul: Scams suck!

ian said...

It has been a misconception that telling lies can save us from a lot of trouble, but I began to realise that the truth is actually the opposite. Well, most of the time, at least.