Sunday, November 19, 2006

Resident Evil

All of us have our own distinctive blogrolls to go through in a day, representing different facets of our own busy lives - so obviously some of the blogs that I do frequent are blogs written by medical students / interns who have just started on their difficult journey. Certainly does bring back some bittersweet memories and some horrible nightmares of exhausting 24-hour calls that never seem to end - with one bad case leading to another even more horrific one.

Sometimes when I read blogs written by newly minted interns / house officers - relatively fresh neonates in this challenging medical world going through their rotations - I find that I do recognize myself in their colourful descriptions. Talk of insanely hectic morning ward rounds, uncooperative colleagues with the internal backbiting, certain nasty nurses and the inevitable maniacal resident / medical officer. These days, I'm not sure whether I'd be accepted into the kind, helpful resident category or be sent down to the deepest bowels of hells specially populated by entirely diabolical, mephistophelian resident evils. :P

From certain events last night that I recounted to the ever patient Charming Calvin ( with frequent sighs and admonitions from him ), I think I am certainly on my way to being resident evil. :) According to trusted field reports, after that fateful stroke of midnight sweet Dr Paul turns into a vicious resident evil who supposedly barks at menial incompetents, snaps at banal colleagues and eats up gullible interns for breakfast.

Monstrous, I know.

Ooh. What did I do?

Like this poor stammering intern who had the ill fortune to call me up in the wee hours of the morning - after my inevitable metamorphosis to the abovementioned resident evil - to present a supposedly case to me in garbled monosyllables. Not only was I grumpy / groggy from coming in after a complicated caesarean section that bled a literal river of hemoglobin, I then had to contend with a Mumbling Mary who didn't even know her patient's clinical stats.

Paul : And what's the name of the patient?
Mary : Uhh.... let me check.
*frantic rifling of notes*
Paul : Yes?
Mary : Uhh.. I.. uhh.. Madonna Lourdes.
Paul : And what do you want to do with her this morning?
Mary : Uhhh.. she came in yesterday with a complain of pain in the right breast and...
Paul : Sure took your time putting her up but you can skip that. What do you want to do for her?
Mary : Huh? Uhh.. I ... there's a breast abscess and ..
Paul : I & D. Incision and drainage!
Mary : Uhh.. yes.
Paul : Right or left?
Mary : Uhh..
*ever more frantic rifling of notes*
Paul : Never mind that. When was her last meal? Does she have any pertinent medical illnesses? What are her blood investigations?
Mary : Last meal?
Paul : Grrrr....

You can imagine the wanton indiscriminate bloodshed after that seemingly innocent remark. Was I right to give the poor gel a thorough reaming?

BTW of course there's no such patient with that name. Anonymity and all that.


Anonymous said...

She sounds totally unprepared to me. Total thrashing is in order I'd say. You were right on point. NOT EVIL.

strapping.shane said...

Oh? This isn't the one we talked about in the car right? The one who miscounted the 6 ml sedatives and called you up at 3am to ask for more?

At any rate, be easy on them Paul - they are after all: learning.

On second thought: there is no room for incompetence in this field. Give her a thrashing.

Anonymous said...

aiyoh.. maybe she is nervous uhmnn

charm.calvin said...

Poor Mary...

And poor Susan, Peter, John, Renee, Adam, Zach, Quincy, Fiona, Gloria, Miranda, Nelly, Charles, Dilbert, Vivian, Will, Oscar, Ivan, Lindsey, Harry, Bonnie, Xenos, Keith, Yanni...

connerkent said...

Might make a difference if he was a Brandon Routh look-a-like ;)

And instead of a "thorough reaming" you might have given him a thorough rimming.


Anonymous said...

poor girl.


i realised that the older i get, the less patience i have with incompetent people. especially people who supposed to know their stuff.

so yay for you paul!
(i think i am boosting your desire to be THE most resident evil of them all :D)

nyonyapenang said...

aiyoh, maybe hear your name she already pee in her pants liao.
buden , i would expect a medic to be very, very much in control than mumbling mary.

Anonymous said...

Paul Darling!!

Now, if it was a male intern I'm sure it would have been a totally different story all together that would not be suitable for publishing here darling!!!

connerkent!!! ooooh..shall I give u a thorough rimming??!!!

buzz buzz

matrianklw said...


Pity that poor, Mary.

Anonymous said...

Hang on, if someone pisses you off, you give them a rimming? What a delicious idea.

The poor girl clearly hasn't done her homework and deserves the thrashing.

err who is this strapping shane then?


strapping.shane said...

Strapping Shane is I! =P

And I am Strapping Shane. =)

Just someone lar... =D

Las montaƱas said...

its the hierarchy.

but don't you still have to contend with the grand mama, ie the matron? she's mean, rude and wont hesitate to call up your boss. ;P

danielhenry said...

evils... meanie... big bully... WICKED!!! WICKED!!! wickessssss...

Perky said...

Hey you're kinda like the Nazi woman in Grey's anatomy! Lol!

You konw what i think? I think those in the medic line, regardless whether they're new or not, should always be prepared. I mean, they're dealing with people's lives, for pete's sake!

Musang said...

mak aih, garangnye doktor nih.

but yeah, i think every hospital should have evil residents like you. to teach them how to be right. so mistakes won't happen... like leaving gauzes inside after stitching someone up.


so please, continue to be the evil-iest resident... for the sake of mankind.

hahahaha. :)

connerkent said...

the fly on the wall: no... thank you. I prefer you keep your tongue to yourself. ;)

Anonymous said...

Poor girl...for not knowing the info on the patient.

Such scenario is so common to me in my daily life when i was a student, but thank goodness this did not happened when i was a intern with a factory. =P

Anonymous said...

you've done well, your conduct deserves a round of applause, you have assisted in lifting the standard.

Annie said...

Oh yes, I think it was Mary who helped me during my hospital stay. She thought I was Amy instead of Annie and she tried to give me morphine when I simply needed a Tylenol.. and then she nearly sent me to the operating table for a leg amputation when I was merely there for pneumonia.

Yes, I love Mary.. poor Mary.. she's just learning..and I'm someone she can experiment her incompetence on. I'm sure it's all covered under my health insurance. Missing leg and all.

maxius said...

Of all the fake names you could come up with, you chose Madonna Lourdes?

Gee, you really are a gayboy. :D

Don't suppose by any chance you have the entire anthology of Madonna CD's, do you?

savante said...

Yay! Love ya, sue.

That was a naughty nurse, shane :P

Probably she was, especially since I did sound grim on the phone, famez. Like I was still sucking on the bones of previous interns. Calvin knows their names :P

If he was Brandon Routh lookalike, there'd be harsher punishment. And you're right, connerkent :P

Asmadi joins the evil clan! Yay!

She probably did so, nyonya :)

Ooh, you gotta ask Conner that himself, fly.

Poor Contrary Mary, matt.

You guys gotta ask Shane yourself too, anon.

What's with the matron? I am not an intern, mdear.

Wicked, I know, danielhenry.

Developing into the nazi, perky.

I eat them for breakfast, musang.

I am nice to good interns, dave :)

GASP, anon!

God, I would have strangled your intern, anniieieie....

And you don't have the CDs, maxius? :)