Friday, October 20, 2006

The Hungry Masses

It's that time of the year again when two major sociocultural ( religious? ) festivals coincide at almost the same time triggering a massive exodus out of the major cities leaving it almost blissfully empty.

Or so I thought. Naively hoping that the coming Deeparaya festivities would leave the capital devoid of any signs of life, I happily agreed to meet up with Charming Calvin and our nomadic globe-trotting Jersey pal, Distinguished Drew, for an evening out. Those vague fantasies of audacious kampung brats busily blowing themselves to pieces with homemade DIY bamboo fireworks ( not your typical sweet, idealistic Petronas ad ) fizzled out just as quickly since trust me, everyone else and their Muslim / Hindu sistas are still busy gallivanting along the major arteries in the city picking up last-minute ketupats / murukkus.

Wasn't a waste going bumper-to-bumper though since I finally scored an introduction to one of Calvin's unholy trio of 'angels' - hereby dubbed the Crazy Calvinettes, comprising the likes of the Solicitor, Sandstone and Steel. Although he has met more than a couple of my friends, I haven't yet suggested meeting up with his convivial friends since... I'm bitterly antisocial in the first place, my schedule's always pretty tight and anyway Calvin's deathly afraid that I'll scare his meek friends off.

Prim and properEver the social creature, the Solicitor organized a fabulous soiree celebrating the B-day of their mutual friend and cordially extended an invite. Obviously Calvin must have finally realized that keeping the borderline psychotic, homely hideous elderly boyfriend safely hidden from the prying eyes of his trusted cronies just wasn't going to work forever. I have to go out and work after all.

Instinctively knowing that I'd probably make a desperate run for it if the number of hungry masses totaled more than a reasonable five, the poor man fudged a little.

Calvin : Umm... a few?
Paul : How many?
Calvin : Maybe five?
Paul : Seriously? Kinda sad. Including me, already two strangers at the party meaning only three of you at this party?
Calvin : Yeah, five. No more.

Wasn't fooled even a bit but I decided to play along. :) Fortunately I'd just finished a short lecture at work - albeit with white coat on so my shirt was mildly creased - so I hope I was still somewhat presentable. Hopefully the Solicitor & Co didn't think that Calvin had dragged me out of some pathetic Salvation Army loser boyfriends rejectbin.

Made me see the vast difference in social contacts that we have. In comparison to his serious, prim-mouthed ( certainly much less vulgar ) buds, my friends and I are unfortunately semi-slutty skanks and licentious adulteress whores. Can't even imagine my ISO and I tearfully discussing career woes when we're much too busy catching up with who exactly is sleeping with whom ( and who's cheating behind their backs too! )! Although swear words don't regularly pepper our daily conversation, for some reason nearly every other line is subtly laced with some scandalous innuendo, and that's only if we're not busy bitching about having some reprehensible cad ( whose hitherto secret love life has already been thoroughly dissected prior to the final execution ) forcibly strung up, tied and quartered. With his balls tacked up separately to the wall beside.

Yeah, we can be cruel sometimes.


distorted.drew said...

Hm, not sure where I fit among the 'social contacts' (if indeed I fit in at all). Or maybe I'm the anti-social contact, not worth going bumper-to-bumper for otherwise. ;oP

matrianklw said...

Oooh, so Calvin brought you to see his friends! Happy Deepavali and Selamat HAri Raya, paul!

charm.calvin said...

Aren't they nice, my friends? You've done pretty well, but we still need to have some more meet ups with lesser people. Heh.

Annie said...


... *waving hands* Next time Paul, invite me.. I'll make such an ass of myself, you can hide in the shadow and observe said masses, that way you won't have to be the odd ball out.

Of course, I have no doubt you passed the "test" with flying colors. Bet you still had the stethoscope around your neck. That gives you immediate points right there. he he

Chad said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jay said...

Yeah, what can be cooler than bringing a doctor boyfriend hor?

Well, apart from a millionaire celebrity, but let's stay on planet earth for now.

savante said...

Well, drew, you definitely don't fit in but hey, it's so much more fun to stand out like a star!

Same to you, matt. Enjoy your hols!

YES! Hate crowds, calvin. I'll bring Anniiieeeeeiii the next round.

Doctor boyfriend cool? Hmmm... seriously wish it was, jay :)


Anonymous said...

I'm with Jay on the doctor boyfriend thing. =P

Anyway, meeting with the friends is always the part that we all fudge about - but if all goes well, you can bet that you'll sail through the next meet. And from Calvin's words: you did quite well... =P

I'm proud of ya... now, PREPARE FOR ROUND 2! *insert evil laugh here*

joshua said...

not sure if its cool to hv a doc bf, i mean those crazy working schedules...

anyway i wouldnt having some fun with a good looking doc. yes with his stethoscope on hehe