Monday, October 02, 2006

Teenagers in Love

I have this theory.

Not only my patented theory of course since I've seen this particular hypothesis expounded several times elsewhere - and the number of caffe mochas I've shared with my ISO as we argued over late nights can back this claim up. If you'll recall, I mentioned something about love hurts a few days back so here's my take on that.

Though I'm sure I'll hear a hue and cry denouncing such a blasphemous claim, a large number of gay men are all little hormonally-driven, prepubescent teens when it comes to love. Hence the frequent chaotic drama and hysterical soap-operatic complications therein.

It's not our fault. Seriously. Throughout our school life, we try our best to suppress all our deepest feelings and budding emotions - hiding even the smallest hint of our sexuality like a tightly guarded Vatican conspiracy in fear of exposure, out-machoing even the biggest brainless jocks in school in the hopes that no one would even dare raise a question while blatantly bluffing our way through the various rituals of straight boy culture. And then hastily averting our secret lustful gazes when the self-same high school jocks start to strip for the showers.

Locker room rules!
What if I just took a bite?

Hiding your budding feelings for the hunky football hero. Trying not to shiver in an obvious manner as that increasingly handsome best friend brushes his hand against yours. Afraid to make a move in case everything goes wrong and bloodshed ensues. That's a whole lot of suppressed emotions and hormones boiling within just waiting for the right trigger to make it explode.

Then once we're free from the restrictive ball-and-chains of high school, we go all out crazy wanting to try out the delicious smorgasbord of men available for sampling, vainly trying to compensate for what we all missed out years back in school when everyone else ( heterosexual that is! ) was too busy in the proverbial backseat finding out what the whosits and whatsits were for.

Whether we're 20 or 30 ( sometimes even 40! ) when we finally break out of that infamous closet, we're still all awkward pimply freshmen at heart. Is it any wonder that when we first come out, our woeful dating skills are sadly almost comparable to those of a blubbering, oversexed neanderthal?

Adam : Duh.
Steve : Ugh.
Adam : You. Me. My cave. Ooga ooga.
Steve : Ugh.

Sometimes - no matter how blatantly sexy and fuckable he looks in that shocking pink Armani tank top and painted-on denim ( or Ferragamo fig leaf as the case might be ) - Steve doesn't even progress beyond that monosyllabic grunt. Still. A whole decade of pent-up boiling testosterone drives us and honestly, there's very little discernment when the blood's running hot in the veins. At that time, I'd have fucked a damned letterbox if it would stand still long enough. Add that to the fact that despite several amazing evolutionary leaps, we're still all faithless, wandering males ( albeit a little bent ) searching for that impossibly perfect genetic mate and it's obvious that commitment's practically a four letter word to some.

Still there is hope. We do grow up in time - and start yearning for that Pottery Barn inspired home with Himalayan whistle kid included in the package. But for some of us, it takes more than a full decade of reverberating thumpa-thumpa gay disco beats before that happens. Patience is the keyword here. :)

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey. Commitment may be a four-letter word... waitaminute. It isn't. Who are you kidding? I learnt counting from The Count, you know.

But I digress...

What I wanted to say is, not all four-letter words are bad. And I can think of some bad four-letter words than are actually quite good too ;)

ec said...

wow.. you have diligently updating your blog despite your busy schedule. I taken my hat off you. I have not been writing much on my blog due to work and study committment. I hate professional exams... =(

nyonyapenang said...

patience is a virtue not many people possess. ;)

matrianklw said...

Seriously, you have your way with words. Everything is exactly the same as the way you described it. The way we (gay) teenagers surpress our feelings and raging hormones... Oh, no one could've put it in a better way, paul! Can't wait to get out of high school!

ikanbilis said...

i can simply smile. no comment. lol

suicidalconversationjunkie said...

I couldn't agree more.. what brilliance.

THE HONOURABLE SHAH said...

oh, those days...i've fallen for a blogger now. yeah, i'm serious! hehe...

Steven said...

That was good.

Loved it.

Ooga booga.

Annie said...

Drownedglass has a point but all I could come up with are bad four letter words for "commitment":
JAIL
TRAP
DEAD
DULL
LUST
LOVE
LOST

.... ok, I'm moving along now. :D

CR said...

All I seem to find is these pre-bubesent boys. I need a man in my life soon.

Patience? I guess I need work on that.

charm.calvin said...

I just want to settle down.

Am I old?

a.o.d said...

Your observations are spot on. Absolutely brilliant. I am way beyond high school but only starting to come to terms with my sexuality. Suddenly there seem to be so many cute guys around.

Love your blog! Great writing.

ec said...

hi paul,

can i seek your medical opinion on a particular question that is constantly on my mind?

ec

Mr.Brian/Mr.Fletcher said...

That must have been one hyperactive letter-box!

Annie said...

If you want to settle down Charming Calvin, then why are you still running? Hang in there CC, we all need a break and a rest stop here and there.

Sam said...

Uga uga... my cave... uh ah, ugh...

LOL! That was one hilarious post - but I suppose it's quite true. After all, don't we all feel that way sometimes? =)

Sam said...

Uga uga... my cave... uh ah, ugh...

LOL! That was one hilarious post - but I suppose it's quite true. After all, don't we all feel that way sometimes? =)

savante said...

hey, drownedglass, we learnt counting from the same lovable vamp!

Thanks, ec :) What medical opinion?

True enough. Some people can't afford to wait but sometimes, you just have to, nyonya.

No prob, Matt. Now stay away from the hot boys and concentrate on
the books :P

Ah ha, ikan bilis. Now what did you mean by that?

A million thanks, suicidal.

Tell me who, shah! I love matchmaking.

I laughed a little myself, steven while reading it.

All bad four letter words, anniee :) Except love and lust.

Look elsewhere, cr. :)

You're hardly old, calvin.

Tons of hot guys falling down everywhere, aren't there, aod? Just amazing how you never noticed before right?

Wicked letter box, brian!

Certainly feel like doing that to certain hot guys, sam :) Just club them over the head and drag them to the lair.

Paul

ec said...

hi paul

does doctor perform physical examination before determing the cause of a person's death? One of my loved ones just passed away last weekend.....

regards
ec

hrugaar said...

Heh, this whole prepubescent thing has been used as an argument by straight men just as much as gay men over the years, and with about as much (or as little) credibility. ;oP