Sunday, October 15, 2006

That Touch of Formality

Sounds like it won't be long before I'll be caught and cross-examined by the relentless heartless hounds AKA my matchmaking aunts with their wicked ringleader, my mother, again. Not only is my birthday approaching fast despite my attempts to outrun it but just two days ago, I received an urgent writ of summons via e-mail to appear at my cousin's wedding at the end of the year.

Always the groomsman... Don't get me wrong. I love weddings but this time, I certainly will attract some amount of flak since I'm the pathetic missing link amongst my bevy of married cousins, one of the few remaining unattached right smack in the center of all the helplessly adoring couples, the lone eligible bachelor with all the prerequisites of a home and a career but no wife to manage it all.

Oddly enough my lack of a partner has everyone else quietly assuming ( or should I say loudly gossiping ) that I'm the one desperately in love with my hectic career when it's actually the opposite. Seriously doubt they could find anyone more willing to leave the bloody office behind to take up a mop and a broom. Not to scare my poor Charming Calvin away with talk of serious commitment and matching platinum rings but really I just can't wait to be married. Seriously. Just not to a blushing virgin in a white veil.

Perhaps one with hairier and wider shoulders.

Rings!
Wedding bands!

Not sure why modern couples today all want that ill-planned, barely choreographed slipshod wedding - sadly it has almost become perfunctory and meaningless for most of them who just want to get the whole boring deal over with as soon as possible. That's a direct quote from a bored blasé bride, believe me. You can easily imagine my horror - and my barely repressed urge to strangle the idiot who's able to get married legally while it's tantamount to sacrilege for me to kiss someone I love. But let's not get on that particular sociopolitical bandwagon now.

That bridezilla certainly wasn't joking about the ASAP bit. Hastily booking tables at the nearest makeshift restaurant, jumping into any damned white gown for the cheapest bargain photo session and catching the closest holy man just isn't going to do the trick for me. Life's certainly gotten more fast-paced these days but shouldn't there be time to slow down for things that are important? What happened to meticulously planning that most beautiful day ever? Sobbing over the fact that the caterers can't make that perfect though improbable wedding cake? Quarrelling with the groom over the flowers and the infamous guest list?

Just like every fabulous gay boy, I want that amazing Vera Wang inspired fairytale wedding. Evening garden wedding at the Eastern & Oriental Hotel terrace. Tables beautifully decked out in shades of cream and hints of gold ( not so much that it resembles a gaudy tacky wedding pls! ) with bouquets of elegant calla lilies and diminutive sprigs of lavender. Little handmade placecards for each individual guest with their wrapped wedding favours. Five-man jazz band playing unobtrusively in the background as the prettily dressed guests - all in light pastels holding their gilt-edged letter-press invitations - mingle in the courtyard. A staff photographer who'll shoot the impromptu images in moody black and white for the wall I've reserved just for it.

Ah. A wedding. I think I can hear Calvin running screaming just about now :)

21 comments:

ec said...

Paul I am in the same shoe as you

Anonymous said...

Dont forget to send wedding invitations when the time comes :)

thompsonboy said...

You don't think any of them suspect that you are gay? I have an eligible cousin and like you everyone seems to want to matchmake him with some girl or another. They finally gave up though.

Only I knew his secret. Wink wink.

bicarateruna said...

holy.

this blog makes me jumpy

Anonymous said...

Who will you bring as your date to the wedding? Charming Calvin?

coolgardy said...

I really hope that a similar writ of summons will come my way too..i would like to see u fit in a Vera Weng :)

matrianklw said...

Gosh that sounds lovely, paul! I wanna be invited to your wedding!! I guess most of us has the same kind of wedding in mind. But I agree with you that people should slow things down especially when it comes to life-changing events. Take the time to plan the perfect blissful day, isn't it?

Anyway, I think I'm going to be like you in the future - the only few remaining who refuses to go through marriage. There are only two reasons for me, one being gay and afraid of commitment. But I do believe in true love.

ikanbilis said...

oh so gorgeously so wonderful Eastern & Oriental Hotel. I just wish to have a lovely morning English date with a pleasant English morning breakfast with real Earl Gray's Tea from Ceylon. add some scones, sandwiches and pastries - perfect! Simply English!

Dave said...

Eh before you fall yourself into any weddings, try to catch this British comedy Imagine Me and You first.

The bride gets married on her wedding day and befriends a lesbian florist. The soon found themselves attracted to each other, and in the end, she files a divorce, and with the support of her parents, she gets the florist in the end.

Indeed, it is quite a happy ending. So let's happy together... ;P

Anonymous said...

I would love to see how your wedding turns out, what with all your meticulous and detailed ideas all in your head already ;P

darn ed said...

the clock is ticking, eh ? Good on u, dude. Any chance of doin a Jolie and adopt as well ? Heh.

Anonymous said...

vera wang eh? well... are you a princess bride, a blushing bride, a modern bride? are you more of tulle and taffeta or lace, satin, chiffon or even more daring, leather?

ian said...

The last time I rejected a girl by telling her that I am not ready to get myself into a relationship, she asked if I was gay. LOL!

THE HONOURABLE SHAH said...

don't you just hate it when they keep on asking the same question year in and year out. i've been asked about the big M too despite myself being 23! *sigh*

Annie said...

That's pretty funny what Ian just commented. Paul! I was invited to a wedding in Malaysia at the end of this year - maybe it's your cousin's! LOL! It'd be a small world. Sorry to say, we can't afford to fly there for the wedding. Don't worry about Calvin running. We'll hold him down and chain him to the block for ya. It's what friends do - We know Calvin will be grateful later. *wink*

Anonymous said...

I've going through the same thing myself, even though I have a partner... so I don't know that a partner is the best defense against naggy aunts... hur hur

ash said...

you are so totally smitten with that idea! biological clock ticking already lah issit? hahaha... have to agree with derek... wanna see how much of your imagination you can put into reality. ;)

Anonymous said...

but dude, isnt tat like every gal's (boring) dream? a bit of glam, a bit of colours & ditch those boring jazz bands & hv a drag shows! & hire a bunch of D&G-ish male models wearing just black swimming trunk & bow tie to serve all the guests.

now, that's fun. call me if u like the idea.

haha......

Ban said...

I wanna attend your wedding...

Lavish Louis said...

Oh Paul, I hope you will not forget your old friend and invite me to your wedding. I would add the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra playing Wagner's Wedding March, followed by Vivaldi's Four Seasons. And you should get a wedding registry at Tiffany's so that all your wedding gifts be displayed in pastel blue-green boxes with satin white ribbons.

And I hope to meet Calvin one day.......

Anonymous said...

You make Calvin sound like he's afraid of commitment - but who knows, maybe he has the exact same thoughts as you do. So, remember - if you guys are planning to get settled down: don't forget the invites. =) I love weddings ~ who knows, I might meet my own Prince Charming at yours. =)