Saturday, February 02, 2008

Breeder Boys

When did you have your first date?

Other than a precocious few, most gay boys would have had theirs in their late teens ( or even some much later on in early adulthood ) after years of desperate repression crouching in their proverbial closets. But for the rest of the breeder herd, surely those tingly-touchy feelings start surfacing early on in high school? Isn't that what being a curious hormonally-charged teenager is all about?

And by teenager, I'm talking about Scrappy Shep. Hey I'll admit it, he's no mean looker - and he certainly looks pretty good in a twinkie-hes-my-brother-I-aint-gonna-touch way. Of course in my darker Saint Wicked moments, I've even toyed with the perverted thought of deflowering the luscious mocha-latte jailbait - but that's between you and me.

Shep!
Find me a lady!

So why is the boy dateless? Since he clearly balked at the thought of paying for his carnal pleasures, I assume he wanted to take his time picking through the garden for fresher blooms.

It perplexes me. Beats me honestly since even a budding homo-troll like me had dates way back in high school. Nothing serious, just a tentative dip of the toe in the proverbial hetero pond just to see whether I liked it. Obviously I didn't care for it but hey, at least I experimented in high school which is way more than most boys can say :P

Certainly came to me in a flash that I was a raging homosexual when I realized I much preferred her shiny accessories rather than what was underneath.

Grace : It's so nice of you to ask me out.
Paul : Yeah, it is. And... whoa, where did you get your earrings? Fabulous!
Grace : There was a sale, you like?

Bling instead of boobies. Surely a clear sign. But it still took a while before I later realized that I liked some stubble on my dates.

So at the relatively mature age of 16 going on 17, what is up with our straight boy Shep? Hills are alive, even convent gal Liesl von Trapp had already started canoodling with ubermensch hotties in the gazebo by then.

What more a boy in the suburbs? No doubt Shep satisfies himself with the occasional porn rag and the accompanying mastubatory fantasies but doesn't he feel the need to socialize with the fairer sex? Isn't it a natural process? The intimate conversations? The shared looks? The hand-holding sessions after school? The desperate furtive gropes in the closet under the stairs?

Maybe kat belakang pondok ( every school has a hidden love-shack after all ) as I once suggested?

Surely there are some hormonal urges there - buried deep inside that obsessive X-Box-playing teenager. Not that I'm in any way pushing him toward early teenage promiscuity - and the ever-present risk of STDs - but there's no harm in getting to know some girls! At least drop by and say hi dammit.

Why am I worried? Who knows, perhaps some latent fraternal streak? Just hope the growing detrimental gay-diation around him hasn't stunted his normal sexual growth. Or has he been influenced to think girls really have cooties?

9 comments:

strapping.shane said...

Don't lop me in as a cause if he turns gay. :P

glog said...

Dates...
Hmmm
Never did have one of those...
Are they any good?

Ben said...

Give him time, very soon he would have the whole world at the palm of his hands. I know so many people in school who were quiet but once they walked into college/uni, they went wild!

Yeah, I was somewhat like that to! Maybe that may not be a real good idea...hmmm not sure!

Anonymous said...

Formal public displayed dating (as in I have a date and we are going to the movies and then for pizza) starts at around 6th grade (age 12) in the US. Certainly in full force by 8th grade (age 14). Couple "dirty dancing" with grinding and as much physical contact also starts at age 13. This is in the New York area.

The good news is that gay boys and girls are now starting to date at the same time in New York and no one blinks an eye.

Annie said...

1986. Valentine's Day Dance. I had to drive my date because his license was suspended. By midnight driving home, I got into a car accident and had cops all over me. Not a great first date. Where were you Paul when I needed ya?

Jaded_Jeremy said...

Date? *blink* What's that?

savante said...

You're so to blame if that happens, shane :P

Pretty good, glog :)

YIkes, that reminds me of someone I know as well. Quiet unassuming guy but turned monstrous in uni. I was shocked, ben.

I so wanna study in NY, anon!

Awwww... we could have had such a fun first date, anniiieiiee!!

What were you doing over there, jeremy!

Paul

Jason said...

Well, maybe it's the elder brother's fault for stocking so much game consoles at home.

__S.B__ said...

i didnt have my 1st offical date until i was 18. and still with that man now at 21yrs old. before that it was like just hooks up