Those were all on the menu last night when I stepped out for drinks with Preity Posh. You'd be forgiven for thinking us absolute lushes - but it's been quite a while since we've caught up with each other over tortes and alcohol. In between bitching about cheating bastards, scandalous one-night-stands and long-distance relationships, we needed ongoing shots of tequila to lubricate our parched tongues.
Although I have to admit that Miss Posh would find it easy enough to drink me under the table! That girl can drink. At least she downed the heavier load of our drinking spree ( oh my manhood! ) since I'd been nominated the designated driver to drive us back. Though I still managed a couple of cocktails ( even the peculiarly named Old Lady Bumper! ) along with stolen sips of her absolut.
More alcohol for you, sir?
Even managed to hit a light buzz after the third.
Didn't stop me from checking out the local talent though. It did strike me ( quite painfully ) that most of the cute guys strolling by had to be grubbing in the mud during playschool while I was cramming in lower secondary. :) Of course impending juvenile delinquency never stopped me from picturing the jailbaits stark naked and oiled on the pool table.
Even pointed out a few choice ones ( limited though the choices were ) to the single and fabulous Preity - a a charter member of the Bright Brainy Bachelorettes Band.
Paul : Look. Orgasm walking.
Preity : Pre-pubescent.
Paul : How about that one?
Preity : Geriatric.
Paul : Whoa. Check out that guy's arms!
Preity : Gay.
Paul : You can't say that about this guy. He's cute and he looks straight.
Preity : See that girl in the store looking at tacky earrings. That's the girlfriend.
Paul : Damn. It's impossible to find an eligible straight bachelor these days.
Preity : Tell me about it.
And she did.
Seriously. What's wrong with the breeder boys these days? Here you have a domestic goddess in the kitchen - and a naughty ho in the bedroom. Honestly, what more could a guy want? If I were straight, I'd have dragged Preity by her fabulous streaked hair back to my cave long time since. And yet she keeps getting faithless guys, genuine bastards and raging alcoholics ( who tell her they dig her bad only when they get sloshed ).
Even bumped into a few hopefuls trying to hit on her as we were leaving the bar. Do straight boys really think burping alcohol ( enough to light a flame seriously ) while yelling loud enough to snap eardrums is gonna get a girl's attention? Desperately huffing and puffing on a cancer stick while whistling come-ons isn't gonna work on a girl of her calibre.
It's enough to make anyone lose faith in men. So any cute straight guys, send your applications to me and I'll hand it to her once I catch up with her again.
Next time though, we've decided to share a cab so that I can participate in her annual vodka shots challenge. Loser pays.