Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Underneath Your Clothes

There's certainly an endless story.

Or if the gay men had their way, an endless parade of underwear.

Don't get me wrong. I know a man needs more than a single pair of worn tanga briefs to survive. I mean, even factoring in daily washings, a regular guy would need at least a week's worth - minimum. Just imagine finally getting lucky with that hot jock at the gym - only to realize that you're wearing dirty used underwear at the last minute!

Jock : Come on, let's get down and dirty. Take it off.
Average Joe : Uhh... I can't. Can I keep my clothes on?
Jock : Huh?

Not exactly the sexiest come-on. Let's face it, only the hottest, fittest guys can pull off torn, stained ( eeeeww ) week-old jockstraps! And that's only... barely. By the seat of their pants, you'd say. Even then probably only the serious fetishists would dare creep near.

Underwear!
Damn. I wouldn't have bitten off his shorts if I'd known..

So short of looking like meltingly hot ( and impossibly perfect ) Chris Evans on his very best day, I'd suggest getting some. Underwear I mean. Reasonably presentable ( non-holey ) ones too. Unless you intend to go chafing in commandos the entire day while the washing dries.

Rest of us average joes have to contend with at least a fresh pair on a daily basis - or two if it's been a particularly ... edgy day. That little dribble. Cum stains. Skid marks. I think you get the point.

But seriously how much underwear does a man need? Straight guys would probably recommend a decent dirty dozen ( a reasonable amount if you ask me ) but for a gay man, it seems as if the numbers would creep slowly into the double digits, if not the hundreds. Seriously. Just check out the dresser drawer if you want to tell the difference between the regular homo and the straight dude.

It boggles the mind - and certainly explains the sudden proliferation of specialty underwear shops. Some are even prepared to spend a mini-fortune on a scrap of cloth barely a few inches squared. Do they have one for every occasion? One for Christmas with mistletoe and shiny balls? A special meet-the-queen drawers? Do they have special designer boxers for dinner? That special lacy black thong for a naughty date?


Or perhaps the boys exchange undies after they part? Kinda a farewell token from a particularly memorable one-night-stand?

Boy #1 : Here have this CK thong.
Boy #2 : Delish. I'll sniff it to remember you by.
Boy #1 : Or wear it tight, up close to your balls so you'd know how I feel.

Ooookay. Maybe not.

So tell me, why?

15 comments:

__S.B__ said...

did this happen to you? at the gym?

Musang said...

eeeeewwww!!! skid marks!!! ewwwww...

aren't everyone suppose to wear clean undies? or is it a trend now to wear dirty ones? or simply malas nak basuh laundry?

ewwwww...

connerkent said...

Oh c'mon! We've gotta have undies for EVERY occasion! Jockstraps for the occasional hot date and gold-banded CKs for diva night outs ;)

Janvier said...

We've not reached the point where underwear's a sorta fashion accessory and we hope we shan't. Still don't understand how some people managed to fill an entire drawer with underwear! Wow!

But true. If you died somewhere and people found you were wearing...unsatisfactory underwear, you'd die of shame. :p

Quentin X said...

I wear nice and fashionable undies just in case I get hit by a bus.

christopherc said...

Moma always told us to wear clear underwear just in case we ever in an accident. As though it would be clean when I got to the hospital

KRIS JASPER ANGEL said...

that's true.. u'r ready for anything if you're wearing a clean underwear.

Queer Ranter said...

Me heart undies! Can never have enough of them I tell you. I want more!

TJay said...

Give me American Eagle boxers any day. 100% cotton in colors or designs. Why? Because I can answer the door or go out in the yard and people will think I'm just wearing shorts.

You have to have a 'body' to wear briefs or such. I, however, have no such body to do so. Besides to me, there is something sexy about a man in fashionable boxers or boxer briefs over those funky low rise things or 'GOD HELP US ALL' thongs!

Jocks, well, those are a horse of a different color (and one must be conscientious of the color, ;-) ).

William said...

There is no explanation. Give me MORE!

Alex said...

Go commando!

Zyklon22 said...

I guess it does boost your self-esteem somehow, knowing you have a pair of sexy shit undies on. It's all about confidence, looking good outside as well as inside. It brings a spring to your step and a swagger to your hips. :)

asm@di said...

and i thought i'm the only one who can't stop buying undies. glad to know there are others like me, haha.

that said, i wonder what causes this impulse to buy more undies.hmm...

matrianklw said...

I didn't know that gay men own more undies than usual. Well, now I've found the explanation to my growing number of undies and boxers (different occasions what!). Never would've guessed., though.

Still, main purpose for owning so many, cleanliness. 2nd reason, variation. I get bored easily with the same design daily. Which is why, I'm still contemplating on that thong!

mstpbound said...

i totally agree with the self-confidence issue. underwear is all about self-expression--the kind that people CAN'T see immediately. i'm lovin my month's worth of underwear. that is all. :D :D