Due North

Every year around this time early February, my brother begins preparation for that long endless drive up north. Just packing for the annual journey is an event all by itself as my brother starts calculating the number of milk bottles needed divided by the number of potty stops. Usually adds up to a mountain of luggage ( including the all-important new togs for the new year ) strapped to the trunk with the cribs sticking out the back.

And yet he still finds the drive... exhilarating to say the least.

I know to each his own but hours of interminable boredom staring at anonymous highways with bland repetitive scenery just isn't my idea of a good time. We do try to make it fun - kinda like an annual road trip ala Little Miss Sunshine - but somehow or other being caught bumper-to-bumper in the relentless new year exodus out of the city kinda bums everyone out. There's only so many Raindrops on Roses you can sing before it gets quite obvious that not even favourite things can dispell the sheer monotony of hours on the road.


Trying to look cool on a ride ain't easy!
Although I've done it for... probably three decades straight ( OMG has it been that long!? ), there are times I feel like wailing piteously just like I'm sure poor Rambling Raoul would after being cooped up for four hours in his infant seat. Chatty Carmen cuts to the cahse and whines about when we're ever reaching.

But I can't do all that. Since I'm an adult ( damn! ). And I'm the designated driver ( double damn! ). The only thing I can do is sit tight at the wheel with my mouth tightly compressed and my tongue caught between my teeth since I can't cuss within the kids' hearing range. So usually I start imagining horrific visceral deaths for the lousy drivers along the highway.

Hey, it keeps me wide awake - and smirking.

Except this year. Tis year I am flying instead. No more dinky cars, lame drivers and traffic tolls. Not only will I remain far away from the toxic fumes being spewed by traffic but I'll arrive fresh as a poppy in the airport just in time for dinner.

And who knows, I might have time to flirt with a harassed steward or two along the way.

Paul : You're working during New year?
Steward : Yeah, unfortunately. I'm new so...
Paul : Well, meet me in the men's room after this and I'll give you a red packet to remember.
Steward : Uhh..

Tacky as hell but hey, it's only once a year. Spread the cheer. And have a happy Chinese New Year.