Saturday, June 02, 2007

Right Royal Rumble

Shocking news here. Despite the rampant efforts of militant conservative groups, homosexuality seems to be getting quite prevalent here since you'd notice the growing number of fraternizing male couples ensconced comfortably in the backrows of cinemas - in the intriguingly named couple seats AKA Grope City. Nice to see people getting more tolerant of alternative mores these days.

In a couple of the seats, you'd probably find me pawing Jaunty Jared's pecs even as he valiantly tries to fend off my unwanted pseudo-advances ( while Charming Calvin gives us admonishing hushes to keep it down ). Still I did settle down enough for the movie - unlike some cooing courting couples behind us.

Paul : Would it be wrong if I threw popcorn at them?
Calvin : Don't embarass me. The movie's starting. Hush!

So I did.

Picture by fabulous dronio on deviantart
Heh. Are those guys doing it?

Third time doesn't seem to be the charm though since it's quite obvious that the poor writers from Shrek must be running out of classic European fairytales to skewer. Doesn't mean it's not worth the watch ( since the familiar characters of the stinky ogre and his royal wife, Fiona have inevitably wormed their way into our hearts by now ) but most viewers would probably leave the cinema wishing that it had just a little more bibbidy bobbidy boo.

Bet they regretted zapping the Wicked Fairy Godmother into a puddle of goo early on espcially since poor Prince Charming makes a limp, lackluster villain - even with his glorious mane of shiny, bouncy blond locks. So it doesn't seem at all worth worrying about when our inept prince schemes to benefit from the Frog King's death ( does anyone else find it somewhat disturbing to poke fun over his prolonged death bed scene? ) by whipping up the fairytale villains into a revolutionary coup to take over the land of Far, Far Away - all this while Shrek is away searching for the next heir to the kingdom, a coltish cousin named Artie ( oddly reminiscent of Justin Timberlake ).

Bet even Doris, the transgender stepsister ( or the remarkably mannish stepsister as steadfastly claimed by some quarters ), on her lonesome could have defeated Charming easily ( and I'm sure he/she would have thoroughly enjoyed having the royal bastard on the bottom ).

The movie's one saving grace - and certainly an overlooked plotline that was begging to be expanded - is the fabulous Shrek's Angels. Seriously. When the reluctantly heroic fairytale princesses paying a visit to Fiona are inevitably dragged into the entire revolutionary process, it's to be expected that these pampered royals would all twiddle their thumbs waiting to be rescued. What else would Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella do after all?

With kick-ass efficiency the troop of gently bred ( though potty-mouthed ) princesses magically transform in Shrek-esque turn of events into a crack squad that would make even the jaded palace guards cower. From the alpha nature-lovin female Snow White ( raging wild with her animalistic war cry ) to the perpetually exhausted, narcoleptic Sleeping Beauty, these ladies ( including a fab transgender sista! ) are doin' it for themselves this time - and they certainly steal the show from the rest of the boys while trying to stop the attempted coup by Prince Charming.

A pity Doris didn't get her happily-ever-after though. Maybe it's really time for a gay fairy tale though I have a feeling since I'm far from any charming prince on a white charger, I'd be typecasted as the Wicked Witch.

Well, hell I could bespell Chris Evans into becoming my endlessly submissive sex slave.


Sue said...

Oh boy! I want to see a gay fairy tale! Have they made one yet? I wanna see one now! NOW I say! NOW!

m5lvin said...

I wanted to watch Shrek!!!!! but dman it...couldn't get tickets for the slot(s) that I wanted...ended up watching "The Last Mimzy" ... sigh...

kon kon said...

7th june in melbourne!! even so i have exams.. cant go to the movies even when it starts showing.. curses!!

charming.calvin said...

Well, sorry to say, but the third one is really quite disappointing. But still, people will go and watch because you just have to know what happened to them.

conan_cat said...

lol gay fairy tale XD i would like to see prince charming with hercules... with the latter being the bottom XD

and i haven watch shrek 3 leh... trying to find someone to watch with me :P

joshua said...

the curse of third installment perhaps? :P so far Spidey 3 was a huge disappointment.

took the couple seat with my bf once. the couples nearby had this smirk on their faces when they saw us two guys sitting together...><

watched a couple of French movies during the French Film Fest. lovely and very interesting. did you manage to catch some?

Jonzz said...

I saw it.

Looks like they stopped making animated movies for kids, with all the adult jokes.

savante said...

Haven't yet :P Gotta wait for joe phillips to come up with that, sue.

How was the Mimsy then, m5lvin?

Exams still quite some time. Surely two hours won't rock te boat, kon kon.

Precisely. They already have a ready made audience so it's easy enough making sequels, calvin.

Invite us all, conan!

Missed the French Film Fest dammit. Ask me next time, joshua!

Well jonzz they do get to redeem themselves with the puss in boots movie out soon.