When I look at my little nephew Rambling Raoul shyly smiling from his lofty perch on my shoulder no doubt winning the hearts of baby senoritas everywhere, I find myself hoping that he won't have that hard a time in the future. After all, women's lib and gender empowerment these past few decades have given the ladies a boost in their self-esteem but unfortunately it has left most of our men floundering bewilderedly on the shoals.
Just look at the state of our music. While our precious little princesses are being bombarded with head-banging girl power anthems on a daily basis ( miles away from the old-fashioned sugar and spice ), our little boys are being eagerly spoon-fed sugary sweet melodies from the sentimental likes of James Morrison and James Blunt.
Please. You're so beautiful but I'll never be with you? Please give me something cause you give me something that makes me scared alright?
I'm far from a Mr Heavy Cojones Macho Macho Man but ... could they be any more of a wimp? Pathetic wusses practically crawling on the freezing snow for that little crumb of affection? Getting in touch with your feelings is one thing, wallowing in it for months is something else. What really makes them all so drippy wallowing in misery and self-pity are those needy, apologetic lyrics : he's lost and scared, he begs and pleads, he crumbles and crawls...
Seriously. What's wrong with the world today? While the girls are marvelling over being Lil Miss Independents able to buy their own shoes and cadillacs, the crybaby boys are begging them to stay by whining, weeping and whimpering over their mocktails with paper umbrellas.
A new age man with a little sensitivity is damned sexy. Too much ruins the evening. A schmaltzy milquetoast who whines over not hating his wife after being dumped ( especially after giving the best of himself ) should be given a deserving wedgie, tied to a rock and summarily dropped into the vast blue ocean for the sakes of all mankind.
And ladies. Come on, do you actually find that particular spineless quality alluring in a man?
I certainly don't. Two tight bitchslaps is what I'd give them. Strap on a pair dammit.