Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Kiss of Life

When a patient comes in from the emergency department, we try to find the diseased region, administer relief if possible and come to a quick diagnosis. If at all possible, we opt for the conservative offering antibiotics and panacea - but when all fails, we resort to removing the diseased limb altogether.

So what happens when a relationship becomes diseased? Do we offer expedient treatment with plasters and medication - or is it kinder to amputate? Or has it become too late to even administer the kiss of life?

Quentin and Aaron
God, I'm freaking bored. When do I move on to the next?

A friend of mine, Queer Quentin, has been involved in a committed relationship ( at least on his part ) for almost three years from last count. The other guy in the partnership, a reputedly tall, dark, handsome specimen named Adventurous Aaron has that infamous three month itch. For him, familiarity obviously breeds contempt so after a regular spate of relentless gay monogamy, he develops the itch to venture out into the circuit parties to familiarize himself with the other party boys. Hence the quandary.

Infidelity has always been the wedge between couples, more so I think when it comes to gay relationships. Unfortunately man ever did stray - and when you have two guys with similar proclivities...

Forgive and forget, you might say. Time and again, Quentin has tried his best to forgive the flirty faithless fellow and time and again, Aaron has returned after the deed to enact the timeless role of the prodigal son, offering dopey eyes, boxes of chocolates and broken promises - only to slip inevitably into his buaya ways three months later. Otherwise a seemingly sensible man, Quentin loses his head when it comes to his alluring amour Aaron ( though I've offered my services to do a little Bobbitt for him :P ). Just a broken whisper and Quentin takes him back without a word of admonition.

Me, I'd have tossed him out on his arse months back.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Of course fool me twice, you also get punctured tyres, slashed khakis and deranged midnight phone calls :P

An open relationship with rules and regulations would be one answer but not all of us are ready to accept that. So where do we draw the line?

As much as we all hope to save a troubled relationship, there is only so much we can do. Lavish all the love and attention we can give - but sometimes the relentless disease just continues to grow. No matter how logical the step, it's never easy letting go of something sickeningly familiar but there are times when it's better to stand back, take a deeper look and realize painfully that things just aren't meant to be. That it might be better to scrape off all that's rotten and diseased, only to start afresh.

Maybe it's time to amputate.


conan_cat said...

oops... are you talking about me? ^^""

yes, i'm guilty for the 3 months itch and i'm guilty for the boxes of chocolates and broken promises.

but i am trying to mend his broken heart. with all my heart now. because i know i really do love him :)

one time itch is not worth a life long love.

coolgardy said...

Familiarity breeds contempt and like all flaming queens, the best option is always amputation, cut it out before it spreads....

Vengelyne said...

When you aren't the one involved, it'd be so easy to stand aside and say to chop it off.

When he's not around, you'd be so sure you won't take him back no matter what, that it's game over. Not until he appears with those imploring eyes and sweet nothings that he whispers in your ears.

If you can't sense the bitterness this entry of yours invoked in me, shame on you. Hah.

And now you've reinforced my belief that men are just plain jerks and that I really should turn lesbo. Thanks, Paul. :P

jaded jeremy said...

There is so much you can patch. But heck, what do I know about relationship? ;-)

TJay said...

well, I agree with you Paul. When does one continue to allow oneself to deal with a constant reminder of infidelity and a wandering penis...

jay said...

Agreed. I kept taking my ex back time and time again until oen day I just had enough. Was one of the harder things I had to do. it seemed like I was giving up hope in addition to giving him up. But it was the best thing I ever did.

i say pikachu. said...

Amputation requires one heck of a strong support system.

And if that wayward moth with the pathological tri-semester-dating syndrome IS the support system, it's not easy.

Like coolgardy said, familiarity is in simpler words (and my own interpretation) a bloody b*tch. Well, in love anyways. You're either too scared, or well, you're too scared.

And kudos to whoever can stand up for fidelity. Yup, they might arses ,but at least their our arses. No pun intended.

Then again, if you let it go, and if comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, then it wasn't really yours in the first place is it now?

Forgive the muse. It's the insomnia.

comrade.christian said...

Sometimes amputation isn't such a bad thing, especially when it's a malignant tumor.

What use is there for a malignant tumor?

Legolas said...

When every other advice fails, it leaves to the man himself to decide when he's had enough.

When he finally does, and probably he's been shredded to pieces, he will leave and whether it's too late or not, it's a new beginning.

Sometimes, for some people, love just cannot be rationalised.

Janvier said...

When you're somebody's dog, you're somebody's dog.

Agree with pikachu regarding the support system - after all, you'd need someone to remind you that it's a phantom limb, learn to live without it.

leroy said...

Found your blog by accident but I'm so listing it in mine now. You're the most articulate doctor I've seen. All the doctors I know consider monnosyllabic replies as conversation. www.xanga.com/nino_hermoso. That's where I rant.

Dashing Dan said...

*nods to the doc*

It's time to amputate. With a hacksaw.

Conan: Really do love him huh? Actions speak louder than words.

William said...

In such situations, I guess I wouldn't know to be angry or sad. But I'll most probably wring someone's neck first.

closetalk said...

i;ve sworn off relationships for a yr!!!
too much hassles involved!

Sue said...

Ah Doctor, I agree with the diagnosis and treatment regimen. Shall I cut or you??? There is no cure for a philanderer. He will always stray.

goodshithappens said...

ive just amputated myself off the burden. now im free like a bird. :)

ive just realised how foolish i have been...

G. said...

Hasn't happen to me yet. But if ever it did and I was really and truly in love with the boy, I'd probably be like Nora from Brothers & Sisters - choose to ignore it and be blindly happy that he comes back to me. Well until the day that he does not come back to me, that is. I'm a fool for love like that.

Jushie said...

sigh..i know exactly what you mean. In fact, the "fool me" quote you mentioned, I said that to my ex too. I'm still hurting from it and I'm one of those that can't accept open relationships. I've been fooled twice and now it hurts me like hell just thinking of him everyday.

savante said...

Wah, so conan you're the naughty boy :) Hope your honey accepts your apologies.

My thoughts exactly, coolgardy.

Well not all me are jerks, vengelyne. THere are a few nice ones around - you just have to look a bit harder.

Precisely, there is only so much you can patch before it all falls apart, jeremy.

Tjay, wandering penis :) Love that!

No argument there, jay. Can't just keep letting him get away with infidelity.

Well, you're right, pikachu. You do need a good support system - and that's where friends and family come in.

That's why we chop off the tumour before it spreads, christian.

True. But these are my thoughts, legolas.

Whoa. janvier :0 Them are fighting words.

Thanks, leroy. GASP. What kinda doctors have you been seeing?

HAcksaw. dan? Damn, even the bunny's getting militant!

Wringing the neck's a good idea, william.

Why! Closetalk, time to get back on that horse.

That's what I think as well, sue.

Good to know you're free now, goodshithappens.

Sometimes you just can't ignore it, g. And maybe it's bette rto let go.

Hey, it takes time and friends to get over him, jushie!