Thursday, June 07, 2007

Someday My Prince Will Come

Who seeks that happily-ever-after?

Bedtime stories are recited to little girls and boys just before they sleep, enchanting childhood tales of fantasy and romance that enthrall them while inculcating in them the highly non-politically correct but traditional roles that they're expected to play in the not-too-far future. Although animations such as Shrek have overturned that particular trend, there'll always be that overplayed cliche of the lovely, elegant princess waiting to be rescued by the gallant, handsome prince charming.

So what do little gay boys do?

Prince Charming
Someday my Prince will come...

Surprisingly I find not many carrying high hopes of riding that white charger careering about in search of fame, fortune and fellas. Far from identifying with the macho prince, more than a few would rather cast themselves wholly in the role of the chaste, lonesome maiden in the tower calling out a plaintive yet melodic save me while waiting for her magnificent saviour on a charging white steed. Twiddling their fair thumbs waiting to be rescued, tossed thankfully into the waiting lap of luxury, pampered and petted like precious pea princesses.

Me, I've never been all that good with waiting around. And seriously, pet me and I'll claw.

Wimpy whiny protagonists in novels who get shoved around by everyone else including the lowly help have always frustrated me to no end. Half the time, I'd be spending the time tearing my hair out wondering when the wimp would develop a spine. The other half, I'm picturing myself giving them vicious bitchslaps for being such weakling milquetoasts. Is it any wonder that the take-charge Scarlett O'Hara remains one of my favourite heroines?

Sit around waiting for prince charming? Come on, like get a freaking life. Being the resourceful sort - rather than whine about my problems to wandering woodland creatures, I'd have managed to find a way to climb down that tower, thank you very much - and possibly found a way to rescue the hunky prince ( with more than a passing resemblance to Chris Evans ) from getting stuck on that bramble of thorns.

Then of course I'd have torn the hunk's shirt apart and had my dirrrrty common way with the hot blueblood ( hey, I have been stuck in that freaking lonesome tower for ages! ) but that's something non-PG-rated that innocent sleepy children shouldn't hear about.

For example, I give you the quintessential hopeless, helpless heroine - the Little Mermaid. Sure the ever optimistic Disney thinktank might have evolved the winsome wailing waif into a buxom mischievious redhead named Ariel with a penchant for thingamajigs and singing lobsters - but let's not forget the dark, dreary, dreadfully grim fairytale origins that she sprang from.

Rather than wallow in misery after being struck mute in exchange for feet that walk the earth like treading upon sharp knives, I'd have smacked the blithering princeling on his head and taken a hike. Hell, I'm a gorgeous mermaid - I could have certainly done better than that.

Prince : You can speak!!
Mermaid : Yes, I can speak, you blithering idiot. And I'm going back under the sea where life is the bubbles rather than sit around here waiting for you. I'm a freaking sea goddess with the voice of a siren and you'd rather date a limpid simpering blueblood tart.
Prince : But you're lovely. And your voice...
Mermaid : Take a hike. Now don'tcha wish your royal girlfriend was hot like me?
Prince : But I can give you a kingdom! A palace! A carriage! A wardrobe!
Mermaid : Baby, I've got a golden voice that'll sell albums like hotcakes. See ya on the MTV charts.

Let's not even get started on Aurora and Belle.

Seriously, gay princes are certainly running short in supply so don't you think it's time we all made our own happy ending?


Perky said...

I, too, can't sit around n wait for that prince charming to come along. It's a bunch of kahoonas I tell u. If i sat & knit all nite long i would never have gotten my happily ever after.

p/s: Chris Evans is mine, btw ;)

Sue said...

Ever thought that maybe YOU are the prince?

Janvier said...

Reading that immediately brought the picture of Prince Herbert from Monty Python and the Holy Grail - waiting for his rescuer, Lancelot :D

Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you, my hearts desire?

Human Torch is coming! Yay!

conan_cat said...

lol... i WANT to see you get started with belle and aurora. darn farnee lar ur little mermaid parody XD

strapping.shane said...

I think I tripped on my down from the tower. :P

jay said...

Very true. I sit around here waiting on my guy when I should just be a go getter and be like..

"22, 30, length * width, engineer. Interested?"

kon kon said...

oh no.. my prince won't come? :(

quick write up some happily-ever-after short shorties for us so we can enjoy them without any images of weak lil princesses lol!

Anonymous said...

die lo... i've been saved so many times that i dont know how (never had to ma!) to climb out of the tower!

how much do u charge per hour? i want lessons :p

Tea Shop Keeper with a mark on the neck :)

Elliot T. McBeal said...

Where in the world did you get that pic from? Is that David Beckham?


charming.calvin said...

I am the waiting-in-the-highest-room-in-the- tallest-tower type of person, awaiting a prince so bold to rescue me.

Dashing Dan said...

Hrm. I think I'm the knight-errant type. Out on a quest to right wrongs while the lady is waiting at home.

thompsonboy said...

I tell u what makes a happy ending. Your hand and some kleenex.

hrugaar said...

So there I was fantasising about you in chainmail gallopping on a huuuuge horse ... and turns out you want to be Princess Fiona! LOL!

Reyville said...

NICE Blog. I think I'm going to be an avid fan.

nyonyapenang said...

wait? wait for what? the coconuts to fall?

Spot said...

Is that David Beckham?? Or my David Boreanaz?

Thingamabobs, i think it was. Or I've been belting it out wrong. :)

savante said...

Precisely, perky. And you gotta fight me for Chris - and I fight dirrrty.

Me? You gotta be joking. WOuld be like shrek becoming king, sue.

Certainly can't wait for the Torch, janvier.

Gotta wait for my Belle impersonation, conan :P

Walk slowly and look around, shane.

What's that length and width again, jay?

Images of wimpy royals aplenty... will bring up one of these days.

Teashop keeper, time you learn how to climb out on your own :P Weekly lessons with teh tarik!

Why eeew? David Beckham is cute lah, elliot, despite being married to a stick.

Maybe it's ime you designed a parachute, don't you think calvin?

GASP. Who is the himbo lady in waiting, dan?

That actually works for me too, thompsonboy.

Nothing like karate-kicking Fiona, ru.

Thanks, reyville.

That's what I think as well. Why wait, nyonya!

You're an Ariel fan! Yeah, you're right, spot. Probably thingamabobs.