Thursday, July 17, 2008

The L Word

In case you weren't aware of the fact, I actually had a girl in my bed last week. No doubt the very idea would have the original misogynist Lanky Lex heading for the hills!

No worries. Despite the government's fanatical anti-sodomy mania these days, I haven't started swinging that way yet. Knowing that her lack of a penis kept her relatively safe from my predatory advances, Lissome Lorelei felt free enough to even prance around in her La Senza in front of me. Well. Almost. :P

Since she was down in the big bad city only for a few days, we felt that it was imperative that we ply her with alcohol. To make her talk, you see. So while Charming Calvin has his loyal Calvinettes, what I get are Three Lushes ( hence the L word ) in stilettos with delightful cocktails in hand.

Figures. :)

Or maybe I should call them Charlie's Angels with the indispensable Paulsley in tow. That would be Lissome Lorelei, Statuesque Sarah and Fabulous Fiona. Three Girls and a Gay Guy. Can already imagine them striking the infamous vogueish Charlie's Angels pose now. Not sure who has the Fawcett hair though.

Wanted?
Drinks at Alexis?

Met at Alexis ostensibly to listen to latino jazz.

That was the plan anyway. Just amazed the barkeep didn't see fit to have the lot of us thrown out for inappropriate drunken behaviour. Not only did we spend several minutes thinking of ways to seduce a particularly hunky waiter, we also practised our seductive pouts each time he looked our way. Accompanied with acres of long legs criss-crossing Basic Instinct style for his wide-eyed edification.

And that's before we started humming Kelis' Milkshake when a lady with shockingly generous papayas sat right behind us. Swear to God the wholesome twins were almost reaching her waist.

That was after the Charlie's Angels booed loudly when a poor sap interrupted the jazz band to mumble a sad proposal in broken English to his bride-to-be.

Man : W-will you make me happy by marry me? I l-love love you velly much.
Woman : OMFG. You didn't give me prior warning!! Everyone's staring at me - my dress is not on straight, my fucking hair's a mess and I'm half drunk to boot!
Man : Make me y-yours? My love for you is like a river that has...
Woman : Whatever. YES. Get me off the stage now!
Charlie's Angels : NO! Tell him NO!

Would have been so much better if he'd given up and done it in Mandarin. I still cheered loudly for the man though. Gotta give him kudos for having the guts to pop the question.

Yes. After a few drinks, we get mildly rowdy. At least we didn't get to pole-dancing yet - though I have a feeling Fiona would have given us a free tap show if we'd given her an extra mojito.

Obviously since I was the designated driver, I didn't drink much. Just enough to loosen me up into wondering what it would be like to fuck a bartender behind the taps. Keeping my libido in check though, I channeled the energy into phoneflirting with a youthful gentleman trying to get him to give it up to Lorelei! Seriously. When did it happen? Straight boys these days are real prudes! He couldn't even give me a good time through phone messaging!

5 comments:

suateng said...

wah, sarah no need to study the 15K exam ah?

wah, these bo cho kang ladies still...bo kang cho...

JACK said...

The latin jazz proposal is HYSTERICAL. And you all yelling, "say no!" JACK <3's this blog!

Dr.Abdulrahman Akra said...

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Legolas said...

I miss my Calvinettes. And also alcohol.

savante said...

No need to study all the time lo, suateng :P We all need a break now and then.

It was hilarious, jack. We were screeching especially when the girl refused to look up at the cameras.

Will definitely drop by for a look, abdul!

Well, you gotta come back more often then, legolas.

Paul