Monday, July 21, 2008

What's Sodomy, Daddy?

Seriously.

Free-wheeling bachelors like me wouldn't even think twice about mouthing the occasional swear word - or ten. Even a prim mealy-mouthed fella like me. After all without the pitter patter of lil feet in the house, there's very little fear of lil ears around to eavesdrop - and then for lil potty mouths to imitate! Embarassingly enough. Doubt there's anything quite as unnerving as an adorable pink-cheeked five year old with pigtails screaming Muthafucka for all to hear in the sandbox.

So what happens when they find something even more shocking to tell?

I've mentioned in passing the horrific sodomy scandal that has swept across our political stage. Yet again. With the frequent ( annual? ) accusations, who knows in time buggering cases could possibly be as common as horny political interns.

However it never occurred to me that concerned parents would be quite as appalled with the sensational news reports for far different reasons. Seems like such reports are peppering the innocent thoughts of the young with shocking scandals of sodomy and rape! So much so that a nine year old would look up from the sunday papers with guileless eyes and ask her mom exactly what two men can do together that could potentially land them in prison.

Or two boys are gonna wrestle in the public schoolyard only to have one of them blithely yell Sodomy ( probably derogatory ) to spice things up! :)

Boy #1 : Take that, you bugger!
Boy #2 : Get off me, you sodomite!

Fun times when kids start asking what's sodomy.

Two boys
Wonder what other positions I could get into with this guy!

Sure, I could address that pertinent question with several graphic sketches ( I can seriously imagine dozens of unnatural positions two men could get into together! ) but I don't think such X-rated viewing would be suitable for minors. Not sure how my colleague answered her ingenuous daughter when she asked though - but I'm sure she must have choked on her breakfast pappadams - and the unwelcome thought.

Why, even the title of this post gives me pause especially since the cheesy line smacks of nasty incestuous gay daddy porn.

I'll admit to hiding a secret smirk when she told me. Fortunately my colleague didn't retreat into a wild homophobic rant forcing me to raise the cudgels in defence. In fact she actually found herself far more irritated with the news-hungry journalists spreading such tawdry tabloid stuff rather than concentrating on more worldly issues.

Though I know I'll find myself flabbergasted if I had such a query posed to me by my hypothetical child as well. Sex talk with curious rugrats freaks me out. And you know how bloody persistent kids that age can be with their overly inquisitive questions.

Nate : What's sodomy, daddy?
Paul : What the f- frickin chicken! Who taught you that word? Have you been reading daddy's bedtime stories again?
Nate : No, I read it in the papers. What's sodomy, daddy?
Paul : Look, there's a bird at the window.
Nate : What's sodomy, daddy?
Paul : Daddy will buy you a present today. Isn't that fun?
Nate : But what's sodomy, daddy?
Paul : Ooh look at the time. Eat up your breakfast, Nate. It's time for school.

Hey, I don't have the answers to everything.

13 comments:

quicksilverlining said...

soto mee is a brand of indonesian instant noodles, so i've heard.

Sam said...

"Sodomy is a game adults play, darlin'. When you're older - daddy will teach you how."

OMG, so salah.

Queen B said...

You know....come to think of it....i think i did ask my dad what sodomy is when this whole thing started back then...i mean the anwar case....

And yet i never get the answer from him....

until i lost my virginity to a guy, then i know *opppsss ;P

Fable Frog said...

huhuhuhu... must be a cute scene when a kid bugs Paul with such question...

Legolas said...

You'll have to answer those questions. It's your part of the profession. I'll answer anything Maths.

Leon Koh said...

love your witty post :)

Anonymous said...

God...Paul. You have a son? Are you serious your son asked you those questions?

Anonymous said...

Ignorance is bliss, isn't it? Haha!

Well, I guess, in due time, you can tell the poor kid. But not while they're young. It scars them somehow.

Anyway, would YOU want your kid to grow up gay as well? Not that there's anything bad in that, of course..

Oh, by the way, I've updated and changed templates. Check it out. +)

RPMnut said...

The beauty of being ghey with no intentions of having MiniNuts pottering about - I won't need to conjure up answers for those sorta questions.

And if by chance, I DO end up with MiniNuts (heaven forbid), my answer to this whole "what is sodomy" Q&A would be = "It's what daddy and daddy do every night, sweet cheeks.."

Hur hur indeed.

William said...

@QuickSilverlining:
Apa flavour? lol

Ryan said...

"Sodomy? Very easy! It is the combination of three words : 'So', 'Do' & 'Me'."

But then come to think of it, "So do me", damn, it doesn't sound any better!

Mr.D said...

Haha...i will be just as clueless if a kid asks me that.

savante said...

No wonder it's so popular here, qsl :P

GASP. How scary, sam!

Not sure he knew how to answer in the first place. He must have been too shocked, aj.

Cute but scary too, frog.

No problem with that. I shall take the time to prepare then, leggy.

Thanks, leon!

Hypothetical son, anon!

Will drop by. Always curious to see new templates, paul.

Mininuts :) Love teh name, rpm!

So Do Me. Now that's a better way of saying it, ryan.

Well you could vacillate or ask them to google, darren :)

Paul