Sunday, July 06, 2008

Miz Borgia Meets Her Match

There is a traditional conservative Chinese family based in a small provincial town. Three children in the family all grown-up. Elder siblings - a boy and a girl - both successfully married. Unfortunately the new daughter-in-law - reputedly wicked, self-absorbed and prone to dagger-drawing - prefers to rule the roost, making the lives of all in the family utterly wretched.

And then there's the rebellious youngest who not only flew the coop but turned homosexual to boot. Then bringing home their latest in-law much to the disgust of the staid respectable family. Three strikes but he's far from out.

Sound like the spicy ingredients of a long-running Chinese soap opera? Well it's all too true and happening right here in the little town of Homosexoil with Charming Calvin cast in the unenviable fey role of the youngest.

Which would put me in the role of the submissive youngest in-law. And you know I don't do wimp.

Shuddering at the hideous thought of my presence sullying their family dinners, Calvin foresees a disharmonious family environment - possibly filled with petty catfights and internal family squabbles so much loved by overly dramatic Cantonese serials. Never imagined myself holding such a subservient role of course but I'm sure my experience as a keen player of Rose & Camellia - the shockingly true tale of a meek daughter-in-law's bloody climb up the family ranks - would stand me in good stead.

I will see you out of this place, Miz Borgia!

Fortunately I'm reasonably accomplished - after all I'm already the lord of feminine battle with my ready bitchslaps and vicious counter-attacks. Since the elder daughter-in-law ( hereby dubbed Miz Borgia ) is causing such palpable misery in the family, seems like it's my family duty to slap some good-old-fashioned sense into her. Figuratively of course. From what I hear of her seeming prowess, I'm sure the poor dear's no match for me.

Used to having her frivolous demands met without question, the spoiled debutante Miz Borgia won't see me coming at all.

Miz Borgia : What is the meaning of this? Have you forgotten the pity we took in taking a lowly creature such as yourself into our illustrious clan?
Paul : Begone, tramp. I am husband to Calvin, youngest son of the Homosexoil family. This house is his rightful inheritance and I will claim those rights by any means necessary. Even if I have to leave my stiletto-marks all over your back.
Miz Borgia : 不要臉的東西! Why, you presumptuous little...
Paul : 狐狸精. Don't tell me of your feeble aspirations, you illiterate gutter wench. I have attendants with claws sharper than yours. You are not even fit to kiss my dirty slippers.

Unlike my ongoing power struggle with the shrewd player Madame Borgia - Calvin's venerable mama, I don't think I'd have to resort to similarly Machiavellian machinations to gain an upper hand with the inexperienced Miz Borgia. Verbal sparring with the occasional snide jabs should be quite enough to have the pampered princess snivelling in a dirty lil corner of the kitchen clutching her tear-stained sleeve.

I'm sure Madame Borgia would thank me. After all I'm the crazy bitch around here :) Of course I'd have to pick up some choice bitch-phrases in Mandarin first ( though Calvin tells me there are few ).

BTW if you're wondering about Rose & Camellia?


Fable Frog said...

wow~! such interesting plot! at least not as dull as frogsville~

Ryan said...

ooh la la... I better pray and hope that my future hubby's family is not homophobic!

Janvier said...

Wii Slap. XD