Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Original Misogynist

One of the original theories of homosexuality in men was a hatred of women. Or misogyny as it is. Seems like a secret repressed hatred of women is somehow twisted into an expression of love for men. An unusual theory but hey, it was prevalent way back when.

Gotta say I was mistaken when it came to Lanky Lex and his Homo-Panic. After dousing him with several doses of serum veritas - or long island tea in our case, Lex finally let spill the true reason for his near irrational fear of fathering a child.

Far from having a fear of the responsibilities of growing up, turns out that the original gay fella actually has an irrational fear of women.

Unfortunately proving the earlier theory ( thought to be debunked ages ago! ).

Maybe if I close my eyes hard enough, I can pretend women - and their ginormous handbags - don't exist!

Just whisper the words pussy, boobs or tits - and you'd have Lanky Lex shooting through the roof in terrified hysterics. Me, I'm simply not that allergic :) Have actually probed a few breasts in my time and found it soft and squishy - not altogether uncomfortable actually. Although I don't see the sensual seduction of fatty mammaries at the moment, I certainly wouldn't discount finding a woman attractive some day.

A fact that Lex finds utterly disturbing.

Find that funny since I'm sure heterosexual breeder boys out there would find it incomprehensible that we gay boys find dicks and biceps endlessly alluring.

Still you can imagine Lex's astonished reaction when he realized that someone we knew actually tried swinging the straight way before. Totally cliched but it turns out the fella actually experimented with girls in his early salad days.

Lex : OMG! He had sex with a woman! A woman!
Paul : You do know that the majority of men actually do have sex with women? That we're the minority here?
Lex : I know! But he's gay! And he touched a woman!
Paul : You can say it - touched a pussy.
Lex : Eeek! I-I can't!!

Seems like Lex simply can't grasp the idea that human sexuality could be an endless range / continuum rather than a fixed concept of homosexuality or heterosexuality. Obviously he's a skeptic disbeliever of the controversial Kinsey Scale. Flapping his hands wildly at every new revelation from the swinger, Lex became increasingly vocal as he denounced such common heterosexual practices - all the while wincing painfully at the very mention of sexy humps and lady lumps.

As I said before - and will again, Lex is so much more fun with alcohol.

You know, I believe I'll hire him a birthday lap-dance - from a woman - just to see how much he enjoys it. Care to chip in?


Anonymous said...

Nope, I won't chip in. Because I'm so with Lex in this ;)

That's the way to go, Lex!

RPMnut said...

We have fatty mammaries in gaydom too, Savante. LOL. MOOBS, I believe, is what we call em'

But as for explorations beyond the borders of penile length and accommodating anal cavities..been there, done that. Not a bad experience altogether, but one I doubt I'd be revisiting anytime soon.

closetalk said...

actually, dats now a theory for hompohobia.... homophobes are sposed to hate fags, because the dominant social structure values men as these supremely perfect masculine beings and treats women as second class things... and homosexuals may be a bit too non-perfectly masculine, which thereby disbalances the dominant structure, so that there is a special hatred, reserved for a traitor, for the fag. did dat make sense?

Fable Frog said...

well, some straight men actually have sex with other men [just for experience], so why can't gay men have sex with a woman~ right?

Perky said...

Lol! You could use tits to blackmail him into doing whatever you want him to do ;) Back him into a corner or sumthin ;)

Janvier said...

We will sooooo chip in for the femme lap-dancer! And make sure someone films the entire thing!

sgboy said...

don't think I will ever have sex with a woman but I do like is what they have down there that I cannot handle...than again I might consider a 3 way (2 men and a woman) think that will be hot

ethnwg said...

hahaha... im sure there is some sort of scientific term for that, no?

Jamie said...


If that phrase got around more, even the straight boys would be turned off!!

*Hugs hers defensively*

Alex said...

Hey! I protest! That's not a fair description of me! I'm not a sexist or misogynist!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just can't have sex with women. Full stop. If i'm getting angry emails from women, i'll kick your ass!

Queer Ranter said...

Oooo. How about getting one of my faghags to do it. :P

savante said...

GASP, you guys can open a misogynists club, lada :)

Guess I'm not alone in going where no gay boy has gone before, rpmnut.

It did make sense and I read that somewhere before. Guess as teenagers we do read all we can about our budding sexualities, closetalk.

Exactly the point I was making, froggy :)

Good idea. Tits as blackmail, perky! Will keep that in mind.

Definitely. I am sure Jared will chip in too, janvier.

Don't look down, sgboy!

Scientific term. Will have to wiki that, ethan.

Awww... I am sure your milkshakes are popular enough to bring the boys to the yard, jamie :)

Muahaha, alex.

Are they volunteering, queer rant?


Jason said...

HAHAHA!! I think that was almost exactly how he reacted that night ^^

Anonymous said...

get one with a big boobs ;p and doesnt wear panties...

hey, which reminds me....

bangkok got one of those!!!!! ;p

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