Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Homo Panic

Talk of babies scare straight men away.

Well, at least the eligible bachelors. Quite obvious the reasons behind it - unwanted pregnancies, shotgun weddings and such prickly issues that would drive fear into the hearts of the insanely commitment-phobic.

Never occurred to me that gay men would feel the same way though. After all, unless we actively seek out alternative baby-making methods, such a question would never arise. Short of a drunken heterosexual experiment, I doubt many rabidly gay boys I know would ever have to wrestle with diapers, prams and baby formula.

Doesn't mean they can't be equally freaked by the frightening thought though.

Homo panic
Get that baby away!!

So you can imagine my gleeful amusement when I broached this subject with Lanky Lex who had a platonic friend teasingly approach him to be the father of her baby. Easy enough for him to squirt out some baby juice after all ( he's dropped more than a few offerings worshipping at the altar of Pavel Novotny porn star extraodinaire after all ).

Rather than laugh it off, our ultra-conservative fella seemed horrified. Gotta hand it to Lanky Lex. Sitting there trying to maintain his cool when I think he was trying his level best not to fall into screaming hysterics when I told him he could be having a baby.

No doubt if he were a cartoon character in a strip, he'd be up there desperately clutching the boughs of the highest tree refusing to come down till I'd retracted my statement. As it was, Lex actually hemmed and hawed for a while before stammering out his charmingly disjointed reply.

Lex : A-a baby! But we won't be married! I-I can't m-marry her!
Paul : So? It's only a piece of paper. You don't have to marry her anyway.
Lex : But then the baby won't have a father!
Paul : That's the marriage cert not the birth certificate. Being unmarried doesn't make you any less of a father.
Lex : B-but the legal ramifications! The religious implications! The effects on my social life! What would people think? What would my parents say?
Paul : It's a grandchild. Your parents would be displeased with the illegitimacy but trust me, they'd grow to dote on the child anyway.
Lex : But I'm not ready!

Obviously the crux of the matter.

Okay. Maybe a rabid atheist like him wouldn't say religious implications. Rare to see him so discomfited with his ears turning pink though. Cute.

Despite the fact that I am already harbouring wistful daydreams about having a babe of my own, I guess not everyone's in the same boat :) Hell, evidently Lanky Lex isn't even in the same channel! Just have to whisper the word baby boom in Lex's ear to have him jump a mile into the air.


luke! said...

in a way, i guess it's different between hetero man and a gay man. a hetero man would have the chance to avoid or postpone having a baby, because they can! on the other side, it's difficult for a gay man to say no to having baby because man obviously cannot be pregnant! so, i guess, gay man, when they have the opportunity of having their own baby, they wouldn't miss it. except of course the i'm-not-ready thing that can get to ALL people be it homo, hetero, lesbians or cannibals! :D

Anonymous said...

It's not only Lanky Lex, I get stomachache everytime I see a pregnant woman, feel nauseous everytime I hear the word baby and saw a baby.

I'd never guessed you want a babe on your own, Paul *shakes head* And it's not because you're gay.

RPMnut said...

Babies. Bad. Yuck. They're like durians. Prickly, thorny stinky little things.

I once kicked a toddler clear across the bedlinen section in IKEA. Felt oddly satisfying. Thats how much I love em' *snigger*

Ryan said...

Oooh babies! Did I ever mention to you I was a baby-sitter? I baby-sit my cousin-sisters since they're like 1 or 2 years old.

They would stop crying every time I put them in my arms. Good, huh?! :P Gosh, I wonder where the hell they got the strength to cry so loud sometimes.

Anyway, would love to have my own baby if got the chance. Not now, definitely! :p

Legolas said...

Go find ways to get one.

vodka&crackers said...

I think it's an age thing. I'm not saying your old, but once you reach a certain age you long for a family I suppose.

βяõŵήїз© said...

I enjoyed reading your blog, wish you will continue contribute posts to this blogsphere, take care.

Alex said...


TJay said...

I'm with you Paul. I want a child. A son. Most likely will look into adopting since so many children 8-10 years are ignored since many people want cute babies.

Some people will never be ready because (IMO) they never want to grow up. That doesn't mean growing old and fuddy duddy but realizing that their is more to life than just themselves.

savante said...

Well the time will come, luke :)

THought it pretty obvious from my posts before this, lada hitam!

Whoa. Did you shout score as you kicked the baby, rpm? No worries. Much as I hate to say it, some brats deserve it.

No need for us to look far for a babysitter then, Ryan.

Need to get a lawyer first, leggy.

Certainly aging, vodka&crackers :)

Thanks, brown!

Gah is right, Alex :) So glad to hear your thoughts on it.

Older kids are a great idea. Will look into that, tjay.