Vanity Fair

Flipped through a fashion magazine just the other day and a brilliant idea winked into my head. Now, wouldn't it be cool to have a professional photo shoot done? Sure, my family does one every couple of years in suits and ties - honestly coming off looking like an expanding law firm with crawling tots as fledgling interns - but that's not really the same.

I'm talking about the Annie Leibovitz sort. Like the fabulous semi-annual covers she does for Vanity Fair.


Evocative shot!
You know the kind I mean. Professional studio shots artfully done with anorexic celebutantes gazing moodily into the camera. Arms akimbo in unnatural poses. Nose up in the air. Mouth in a permanent frown.

Always makes me smile inwardly. Honestly, you'd think that a gorgeous successful young actor would be rather pleased with himself! Hell, if I looked like that and earned ten times my meagre wages for cavorting half-naked in a thong on a five star island resort, I'd surely be grinning from ear to ear.

Instead they all look as if they'd accidentally swallowed a sour lemon and don't care much for it.

But it all looks real good so I guess I'd be willing to swallow that lemon too.

Must be a shocker to have me - someone who hates the camera - actually suggest a photo shoot for my friends. But I know the value of preserving an image for posterity.

After all despite the sweet adages, friendships don't actually remain forever ( I know, cynical me! ). Just like a play, not all of us will remain standing on that proverbial stage together - and for a motley crew like the varied friends I have, very little binds us together after all. So some will leave the stage in time to be replaced by bit actors. Some will get involved with the occasional guest star and appear regularly on other hit shows. And yes, some will betray each other by sleeping with another, have a huge-ass hysterical bitch fight and break ties in a disastrous cliffhanger.

Dramatic but you gotta look at it from the gay point of view.

Unsurprisingly my friends are all enthused about the idea of a vogue photo shoot of course. Gay boys can be such hugely enthusiastic kawaii cam-whores! Would have proposed suggestive artsy nude shots but I doubt the Victorian prudes amongst the lot would agree.


Hell, I can't shoot this!
The mark of a great photographer should be the ability to make anyone look good - so I should be quite the challenge! Fortunately with a professional photographer on board, I can hope to show my best angles with expressive moody lighting ( which I desperately need! ) especially since I don't have the time to schedule radical reconstructive surgery / liposculpture. I'll be sure to stand as far away from the super-skinny types so I don't appear doubly large. Maybe hold a prop like a cigar to block off part of my face.

And most importantly studios these days also provide some simple photoshopping - so essential in digital photography these days! Thank God for technology. So goodbye wrinkles and acne.

Hell, it'd be a brand new Paul!