Monday, June 23, 2008

The Marketplace

Seriously. If I were a bright, brainy bachelorette trolling the town during the weekend and chanced upon the Marketplace, I would have probably voluntarily slit my slender pale wrists out of sheer frustration.

Items on sale at the Marketplace? Deliciously bared male chests everywhere the eye can see. Sweat-trailed biceps and triceps in every dark corner. Tight buns shaking their tailfeathers on the dancefloor. Surely that sounds like a dream bargain to a dedicated meat-eater!

Unfortunately all were most decidedly marked down as gay.

Hmm... As if the competition amongst the treacherous girls wasn't bad enough, now half of the guys are obviously turning to the dark side. An aspiring debutante would be running weeping-wailing into the toilet cubicle right about now.

Debutante : He's wonderful! He's gorgeous. He's smart. He's rich. And he wants my brother!! boo hoo.

Tragic really. And if the decidedly unbalanced ratio of men to women ( possibly 100 : 1 )weren't obvious enough, the queue to the toilets would have been a clue. Rarely do you see endless lines to the men's ( wonder exactly what they are doing taking so long there! ). An unfortunate circumstance for the ladies but judging by the weekend's attendance, an inordinately high amount of cute fellas in town are pretty much involved with each other!

We are LEGION.
And for once, I really believed it!

But then again more manmeat for us. Me, I found myself back transported back to the 90s when I first entered a gay bar and didn't know exactly where to look. Almost had a severe whiplash trying to greedily take in the sights all at once. Talking to a buff guy, I immediately find my curious eye wandering - especially when so much bared flesh is within sight. Seriously, who can help it? Do I stare at his chest? Do I look at his abs? Dare I look at his crotch?

Such a delicious quandary.

Fortunately most of the hunks were too soused to bother much if you actually stared a little too long at their bulging crotches. Hell, planting an uninvited french kiss on some of the boys wouldn't even have raised a complaint. I should know.

Of course I spent half the time watching the stairs warily in fear of bumping into my ex - the aptly-named Insignificant Other. Tired of boozing in fear, I finally gave in early during the night and texted him only to find him semi-conscious at home. Thankfully. Wouldn't do to have him come over, belligerently challenge me to vodka shots only to have me foolishly accept in a false act of bravado!

Reason enough I remained sober enough to watch the merry gay world go by.

So what do straight folks do at gay bars? Me, I finally figured it out after watching a few straight men squire their ladies around the dancefloor. Took me a while though - since I was semi-inebriated with wine, vodka and long island! Not to mention the view was occasionally obscured by clouds of cigarette smoke and tumbling drunks.

Smart fellas actually. Why deal with other testosterone competition at the straight clubs with other sharks hitting on your girl? Just take her to a meatmarket where she can ogle all she likes while you're safe knowing that none of the guys would ever knowingly molest her. Seriously. Talk about relationship security.

Of course that doesn't mean the straight fellas are safe from the occasional drunken gropes :)


Fable Frog said...

ya i do noticed too, how there are straight couples happily enjoying their time at Marketplace~!! And i always wonder why... now i know~ ya i agree with ya' totally!

Darren said...

I am still a gay bar virgin, sighh.

Btw u mean u groped a straight man before? Interesting.

Ah-Bong said...

tell me about it darren, go get ur bar-virgin cherry popped already! u're wat, 24? LOL

i shall get myself to a straight bar. i want girls hitting on me. la la la

Grumpy Boi said...

hhhmmm... well... i have never been there before.. i am 20 years old this year.. so can i go ? haha... :P

how fun is that ?! can u bring me to experience it ? lol..

Silencer said...

well,finally, an anaesthetist on the prowl. :)

Alex said...

LOL.... nice place for gay guys~ maybe the so-called str8 guys are probably curiously gay.

Francesco said...

hahaha, well said, love your prose...I enjoy reading your blog frequently

if you have a moment, have a look at my blog:

mostly sketches of moments or emotions through my (vieux rose) tinted view

cheers from Francesco

chiengtom said...

hate the smokes in clubs. Good thing smokers are not allowed to puff in the clubs in oz.

savante said...

ONly theory I could come up with at that time, froggie. I was wondering myself.

Well it's worth a visit, darren :) Listen to old man bong there :)

You want me to bring you over, grumpy boi? Not only do I rarely go, I will most likely molest you there :)

Hi, silencer.

I knew you'd think that way, alex!

Thanks, francesco. Will drop by.

Totally agree. Wish they'd ban the smokes, chiengtom. Damned irritating.


Grumpy Boi said...

Yeah!! bring me there! i would love to try it ! i mean try going to a club.. am i allowed? 20 yo onli woh...

Conundrum said...

*sighs* why the inexperience ones are not informed with theeeeseee places! haha! wait til i work and live alone, huhuhu!