Saturday, June 21, 2008

Body Attack

Don't worry. I'm not gonna tell ya that I have suddenly been conscripted into the swelling ranks of gay gymbots - putting the entire buff lot to endless shame with my unglam and untoned self. Wouldn't want to have them scurrying out of the showers in droves wailing hysterically at the sight of me. All pumped and sweaty in white towels.

Nice image though.

Of course that gym membership will come much, much later after the oft-mentioned liposculpture! :P If ever.

It's just the term I've heard often - Body Attack. Just the name itself makes you wonder, right?

Fight!
A Body Attack?

What comes to mind is a deadly martial arts skill - disguised as a sleek dance move - that would render a rabid drooling attacker pathetically helpless in five seconds. Possibly dreamt up by kungfu fighting shaolin monks in a clandestine mountain retreat to the urgent beat of Madonna's latest single Four Minutes. Like a graceful pirouette combined with a devastating kick on the crotch.

Clerk : Oh we forgot to inform you that we have ten cases pending for operative procedures.
Paul : And you accidentally misplaced this important information for the past five hours?
Clerk : So sorry.
Paul : I'm sorry too. I also forgot to inform you that you'll be off duty for the next five days.
Clerk : How so?
Paul : Like this! Yeah, take this Body Attack move of mine!
Clerk : ouch! mommy!


Slide. Bend. Lunge. Then stab the bad guy in the eyes. All while looking like the perfect prima ballerina assoluta. Perfect for slinky fashionistas who lunch in super sharp stilettos to avoid clingy man-worms and bad bargains.

All the while looking sharp for photo opportunities too.

But my online bud Karate Kai - one of the captains in the gymbot corps - assures me that's not the case. Turns out it's a far more benign sport! Definitely not the aggressive pro-violence sort I imagined with a name like body attack. Seems like it's an exercise that helps builds your stamina. More zen than pain. Probably allowing you to run away from the aforementioned violent molester waving a white flag rather than send him weeping like a little girl to the ground with one smooth calculated move.

Making him cry uncle.

How disappointing. And here I was hoping to run around tripping unwary folk ( if not dismember them! ) with my feline body attack moves.

3 comments:

Jared said...

don't ask me why am i still up at this god forsaken hour :P

i need to sign up for BodySleep now... good night

Quentin X said...

A product of good Kiwi branding. Much like how Les Mills also calls their bike class, rpm. Sounds like r.e.m. for rapid eye movement because there are so many pumped gymbots around, one does not know where to look. I must admust I go to one very Friday for motivational purposes.

savante said...

Night, jared :P

Oh that's how the word rpm came about! Always wondered, quentin.

paul