Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A Guy's Guy

See, I'm not really your regular guy's guy. The hail-fellow-well-met bloke with a brash, roguish quip for his mates at the bar before loudly buying them all a round of drinks. Obvious enough from what I've written here before that I'm far from that Shakespearean ideal. Swear I wouldn't even know what to say to such a testosterone-y fella.

Guy : Whoa. Would you look at that car? Hear how that gazillion horse power engine purrs? I bet that baby can really fly.
Paul : Umm... it has four nice wheels?

Sorry. What can I say? My mind wanders when it comes to automobiles. Never could quite see the beauty in chrome, metal and rubber. But gimme a well-built guy and then you'll have me talking a mile. Trust me, I can spot a cute guy 100 metres away.

Or even that perfect window display. Or the perfect souffle.

I know. I can be so gay. So I get worried about the future. What if by some ungodly miracle I actually adopt a son? Would I be able to provide a positive male influence for the child?

Wouldn't want to be totally gender-discriminatory in my teachings - but what if my hypothetical child Nate somehow intentionally gravitates towards the rough and tumble world of sports? Or even - God forbid! - the great outdoors? Seriously. All I know about football is that two teams with guys in shorts fool around with a ball. I can't even recall the number of players.

And if not knowing the facts isn't bad enough, I'm lousy at the game as well. Don't even talk to me about hiking and camping.

Fortunately the world ( and Britney Spears! ) has come up with a viable solution for me.

A male nanny - or manny. Thank God for that Charles in Charge twist. Quite clear from their sporty outdoorsy credentials that these twenty-something mannies are geared toward households with rough-n-ready boys - or perhaps tomboyish girls. Not only do these young buff guys come qualified with relevant child-rearing degrees, they can also come up with wonderful home-cooked meals and fix stuff around the house. They even have a fast appointment interview ( equivalent to a speed dating service ) to hire these outgoing fellas.

Chris Evans
Manny reporting for duty!

A hot young Manny Poppins at home to babysit my son and do a lil bit of housekeeping? Just the perfect solution for me, don't you think?

Paul : How was Nate this evening?
Manny : He was great, sir. Did his homework, then we went for a boat ride down the river before shooting some hoops afterward. Nate even helped me make dinner tonight.
Paul : Whoa. Certainly a productive day. The lasagna was great by the way.
Manny : Thank you, sir. Even took the liberty to repair the kitchen door this morning.
Paul : You're certainly a great help. I take it from the relative silence that Nate has gone to bed?
Manny : Yeah, he was tuckered out after our basketball game.
Paul : That's great, Manny. Now ... let's say you teach me how to play ball instead?
Manny : Uhh... sir, that's not the ball.
Paul : Deep breaths. Relax. You don't even have to call me sir.

Okay.

Oops, I did it again. So there might be some lil kinks to iron out. :)

13 comments:

Jared said...

hantar sini..

i'll bring Nate hiking, camping, martial art training and teach him about soccer & cars ;)

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

If I don't have a kid, can I still hire the manny??

Ryan said...

Chris Evans the manny?! Irresistible!

RPMnut said...

I can teach Nate everything he'll ever want to know about cars. DOHC, SOHC, VTEC, LSD, ASC, DSC+T....and if he turns out to be a nice athletic twink, I'm keeping him :D LOL

closetalk said...

u know, i'm a really, really bad person ... dats always been my fave fantasy too! :)

Legolas said...

"But I like to call you sir..."

I think that line came from a gay porn...

lada-hitam said...

I don't like children, but reading your post about your hypothetical child Nate is always amusing. Thanks for the laugh :)

Btw, I don't think that not liking and doing sports and automobiles makes you so gay ;)

Anonymous said...

http://bedstory.blogspot.com/2008/03/pros-and-cons.html

Janvier said...

Nate needs to be an all-rounder - we'll take him on the boardgames route so that he learns strategy and gaming.

Cheryl said...

Ooohh Nate...that's the name ya...He can be friend with my Brian then :) no worries for anything..they can learn by themselves.

Kenny Mah // Life for Beginners said...

*sniggers*

Me wonders how long before they come up with "Manny" the TV sitcom? No one replaces Fran Drescher though. Ever. Not with that laugh of hers. Lol.

Darren said...

I can be a good 'manny'. Hire me! :P

savante said...

Ooh. Good idea, jared. Wouldn't want nate to be a wimp.

True. Now I wanna hire a manny as well, whippersnapper.

Definitely, ryan! Imagine his duties!

Whoa. What did you just say about cars! Will definitely send him to ya, rpm. But he'll be more than thirty years younger!

Same here, closetalk.

Quite common language in porn, leggy.

Thanks, lada hitam. Glad you liked nate.

Diego, that was the sweetest comment I've seen :)

Ah, strategy and gaming. He'll learn plenty of that from me, janvier :p

Play dates with Brian for sure, Cheryl.

What a hunky manny that would be, kenny!

And you'll be hired, Darren. Just need to get the baby first.

Paul