Me Dating Myself

Would you date yourself?

Random question my ISO asked me out of the blue as were walking past a bank of mirrors in a mall. Stopping to stare at our reflections, he suddenly wondered aloud what it would be like.

Paul : You pervert. You just want to fuck yourself!
My ISO : Get your mind out of the gutter!
Paul : Fine. For once, you're thinking of it in a serious, adult, philosophical, totally non-sexual manner.
My ISO : Well, I was! But now that you've given me ideas...

Sure, he can say that, sexy bugger that he is. With my currently unstable hormones, I wouldn't mind giving him some tongue on the mirrored wall myself.

Not sure I could say the same about myself though.

First off, let me tell ya that I'm lousy first date material. Not only do I look like a wandering troll, I also veer insanely from coming on too strong sometimes ( chattering endlessly like a silly magpie ) to turning up cool and disinterested like I-don't-give-a-fucking-damn. Rather adorably schizophrenic - though it probably stems from my on-going battle with innate bashfulness.


Damn, I look good...
Still it rarely garners second dates. Being the epitome of skin-deep shallow, gay men are all about the shiny packaging after all - and a plain, dumpy denizen of Middle Earth just doesn't cut it.

But sometimes persistence - and that little thing called unlawful stalking - works wonders. Believe me, I even brought down a superficial, judgemental bastard like my ISO.

Over time of course, I wonder if I could live with myself on a daily basis! Sure I could keep myself entertained with second-hand jokes and droll imitations. Our own cracks are always the funniest, don't you think and it'd be cool to have someone share the same brand of irreverent humour. I'd make an easy to please boyfriend as well. I think ( and hope ) I'm a great companion, generally presentable in public and well versed with lotsa endless opinions on various socio-political issues - though I can get on my high horse when it comes to a few.

Hey let me toot my own horn for once!

But I'm not sure if I could live with a moody lunatic with the occasional sadistic blood-lust. Wouldn't we gradually morph into a relentlessly violent gay version of Bonnie and Clyde? What if I - horror of horrors - found a dead stiff buried under the swimming pool? Not that I'd be astonished to find decaying corpses in the lawn but hey, I'd be confused trying to recall which one of us actually dumped the body there! Of course with the two of us egging each other on with increasingly nefarious deeds, it'd probably be rightly termed a cemetery.

Could the hapless world possibly survive two merciless Pauls?

Paul : You know what! I think I'd like myself.
My ISO : Whoa. That took some thought! We talked about it like some half hour ago!
Paul : Hey not everyone comes and goes as fast as you do.
My ISO : Didn't hear you complaining.

I know what you guys - and Strapping Shane who has given some thought about it as well - are gonna ask. Sex with myself? Some boys would freak out, claiming it's the closest thing to incest - but hell, isn't it kinda like masturbating? DIY?

And you know we've all been there.