Hallyu Away

Till now I never quite see the fascination Korean drama serials holds for the desperate housewives here. And my mom who should know better.

Don't get me wrong, I can see the irresistible allure of the clean-cut, ethereally handsome Korean boys who are all sweet, submissive and sensible... generally biddable, bendable beta boys - just the perfect dreamboat material for a distressed, beleaguered housewife.


Don't hurt me, please. I'm a nice guy, really!
Come on, could you find a better bottom? Hell, I feel like applying for a Korean hunk myself.

But how can you possibly last through repeated showings of a Korean serial? Unlike their suspenseful movies which lean heavily towards anaemic, long-tressed harpies with a bloodsucking thirst, Korean drama serials are more reminiscent of the Taiwanese tearjerkers in the 70s with an emphasis on helpless, vulnerable virginal heroines who can barely lift a finger to save their saintly lives and spend their days agonizing over their love lives while weeping copiously for their thwarted affaires - and then subsequently end up losing their love ( star-crossed! ) and their lives through an unfortunate ( calamitous! ) string of events not of their own doing.

Occasionally due to the wicked deceptions of the wily femme fatale ( occasionally the scheming Mother In Law ).

Heroine : I love him. I love him not. I love him. I love him not.
Bad Girl : Make up your mind, you goody-two-shoes!
Heroine : He can never be mine. I must strive to forget him. Oh no. OMG, somehow or rather through the machinations of the wicked bad girl, I've lost my job, all self-respect and the roof of my house has fallen in. And now, I have life-threatening leukaemia. He must not know. I must be strong. I can't tell him. I shall die a virgin martyr looking fair and lovely in a pale blue hospital gown.
Bad Girl : Whatever. You're gonna die. And I'll marry the guy.
Hot Hero : I'd rather die.
Bad Girl : Well, go jump under a bus then.

Yes, they die. The unfortunate heroine I mean. Usually due to some horrid incurable disease that leaves them relatively unscathed with their fair looks surprisingly intact - though they do affect that pale, wan ( victimized! ) look that their fans adore.

However the accursed jinx also extends to the men they love, afflicting their bedeviled beaus with the most horrible of ends. Losing sight, limb or life usually. You can tell, Romeo and Juliet never was my favourite romance. No doubt in olden days, such tragic luckless ladies ( cursed by the gods! ) would have been summarily tossed off a nearby ravine for the benefit of the beleaguered boys - and also to rid the entire village of their uncommon ill fortune of course.

I mean it wouldn't do to get struck by lightning just by walking close to the jinx.

These days of course, they merely provide fodder for budding Korean scriptwriters. For example, the infamous Autumn in my Heart - so desperately adored by their fans over here. Disconsolate and dispirited without his recently deceased lady love, the hero finds himself wandering in a fugue of despair and stumbles headlong ( almost insouciantly ) into a speeding truck. I kid you not.

Come on, who writes these sentimental drivel?

Seriously, if you're a gorgeous, built Korean hunk who wants to end his life ( for a waifish wimpette who doesn't deserve to live ), please offer to be an organ donor. At least die for a good cause. Or if you fear the excessive blood splatter, come over to Malaysia and be my indentured body slave.

Hot Hero : I can't live with myself now that she's gone. All my hopes and dreams are crushed, my glittering castle in the sky crumbling to dust. There's nothing to live for. I might as well be dead.
Paul : You look better when you weren't talking! Shut up and bend over, bitch.

Now, isn't that marginally better than being grimy roadkill?

Don't even get me going on the conflicted Hokkien series that my mom is following right now.