Monday, March 03, 2008

Baby Debate

Horrified by my ( occasional ) talk of parenting these days, my ISO has decided to put a stop to things by ordering me to write a detailed pros and cons list. it's something we've always done - and possibly the same advice I've doled out to dozens of friends as well. Somehow writing something down makes me realize what I've actually wanted all along. Really very subconscious and pseudo-Freudian.

Anyway my ISO - our self-appointed homosexual saviour - is crazily determined to liberate me from a lifetime of boring suburban gay fatherhood with beige interiors, picket fences and 2.5 kids.

My ISO : You're subscribing to the old-fashioned notion that life isn't perfect without hearth and home! With two and a half kids and a 101 dalmations.
Paul : Well I never said that. I just said it's perfect for me.
My ISO : What kinda fuckin lifestyle Oprah mag have you been reading? Throw it back.

So we started listing them down.

Child from Mars
No more sugar for you tonight, young man.

Of course he had plenty of ideas for the cons but certainly no help for the pros. Coming from a broken family, sometimes it's easy enough to see why my ISO hasn't cottoned much to the idea of a family and commitment.

Spreading the love - a kid I could share my love with ( gosh, I have been watching too much Oprah! )
Someone I could play dress up with :P
An heir to the family name ( how conservative patriachal Confucian am I? ) to continue our traditions

Zero sex life
Minimal social life - unless we can hire sitters, we can definitely forget about movies and dinners for sure
Increased expenditure for diapers / milk / clothes
A sudden need for antihypertensives / antidepressants - you know babies drive adults crazy sometimes right?

Sure the cons remain - certainly far more than the pros - but I can't deny that I'm still very much in favour of the former. Ah, what a hopeful dreamer I can be.
Fine. It does look bad. I need more points. Especially since I couldn't find anything else on the pro list ( anyone could help me with that? ).

So maybe it's time to look for a Juno MacGuff. Surely she'd consider giving her baby to me. Sure I might not be the hip interior designer / music composer she'd wanted but I do want to be a father - no matter how awfully domineering I might be. No doubt I'll stumble a few times but I'll work on it.

Anyone know of a savvy, sharp-tongued unwed teenage mother? Surely with the ongoing decline of moral values in society - as touted by the hysterical religious conservatives, we should have quite a number out there. So don't go around leaving your newborns in filthy dumpsters, bring it over to my place and I'll give them a home!

BTW as a Catholic ( though lapsed ) with archaic notions, you should already where I stand on abortion.


Daniel Henry said...

lapsed? there's such a thing? so that explains the loitering in mall(s) today. -_-

Lewis said...

yup, i do have to admit, sex has been minimalized (zero?) since doggie arrived. i can only imagine that a child would be less than zero? negative numbers? hum.

AJ said...

i always wanted a child of my own....and the weirdest thing is that i don't mind donating my sperm for the purpose of procreation....but emmmm since i get to know this married guy with kids and later divorced his made me think twice b'coz i can see that the children are the one who suffered at the end of the, now my stand would be: I DON'T WANT KIDS!! =)

Ryan said...

I doubt I will have kids for my own. But I don't mind taking care of my sister's or brother's children. Being an uncle can also help to raise the children.

Perky said...

Here's 1 more pros:
Having a baby let's you relive your childhood again... only better.

So what if you didn't get Barbies as b/d presents? With a child, you can splurge on all those Barbies AND play with them (by pretending to show your kid how to play dress up barbie ;) )

ikanbilis said...

here's a bit of confession. I can never imagine myself having sex with a girl. And get the girl pregnant, and have the baby. What not raise the baby later days?

Still I'd like a baby of my own, and avoid scandalous divorce story later days.

I got Juno, and I'm all excited to watch it later!

Anonymous said...

Perky's right. You could relive your childhood if you had a kid. I want to have kids too, preferably biological, though that'd be impossible if I continue screwing men unless scientists discover a way to fuse two sperm and an enucleated egg.

This post reminds me of one I wrote a few weeks ago:

Jason said...

Babies are cute when they don't create ruckus. Imagine the diaper changing time.... ugh!

johney said...

I am thinking about adopting a child too, but I am not so sure now. Not because it would be a problem to me, I can endure years without sex, until he grows up. But the real problem lies in the life of that child. Will he/she be able to cope with the society? Would I not be denying the child a mother? I am not sure. Sometimes, thinking about their future worries me more.nongdalairen

daohui said...

you want a baby?

hahaha. I think you will make a good father.

quicksilverlining said...

if you ask me, which you didn't, children are kind of like blackheads on the face of the world: they eventually grow up to be full fledged acne. seriously, people should take classes on basic child upbringing before being allowed to use certain body parts.

don't go making more children. too many around already. if you're going to fuck up a child, why not do it with someone else's biological matter?

if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

mstpbound said...

to add to your pros list: taking care of your when you're old.

i would say that's a pretty important one, no? isn't it sad seeing old people without family come to the hospital, without anyone else in the world caring for them? :( :( :(

savante said...

Well I always loiter at the malls, daniel :P

True enough, lewis. Damn.

GASP. No kids? But it's a choice, I guess, aj and ryan. Not everyone wants kids :)

Ooh, I love the Barbie idea perky. Shall buy dozens of them.

Well there are other ways of getting a woman pregnant, ikanbilis.

It would be cool if they managed to fuse the two sperm together, king bitch. I think some gay scientists are probably working on that right now.

Diaper changing is no big deal. I do it all the time, jason.

Denying the child of a mother? Possibly johney. But I guess we'll have to make sure the child never notices the lack.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, daohui.

Likening children to blackheads, qsl? :)

Didn't think of that. Glad to add another to the pro list, mstpbound. I tink gay men have to take care of each other as they grow older, I guess.


D-Man said...

Just because you are calculating the pros and cons, and seriously mulling over the consequences proves that your destined to provide a better home than 99% of the poor slobs out there who are mindelessly procreating...

Anonymous said...

I realize you may never read this as the original post is over three months old....but...i thought i would share something that happened with me recently.

a friend and i are on a long business trip in southern arizona. my friend has a wife and two kids. i am single and gay (unbeknownst to him) but we've become pretty good friends.

i divulged to him that i was planning on having a lesbian friend donate an egg and finding a surrogate mother. he was a bit taken aback. he told me that i should just find someone and settle down, insisting that he could introduce me to numerous girls. i told him that i wanted to have children when i'm young so that i can enjoy their lives and their childrens lives. he was still unconvinced and spoke negatively of the idea asking why i would complicate my life in that matter when i could just get a girl pregnant. i told him i didn't need a wife right now but i wanted kids soon.

then something ironic happened. his wife called from korea (he's korean-american) and he was 'baby-talking' with his 2 year old son and chatting with his 4 year old daughter. he seemed so happy and i could tell he missed them terribly.

about a half hour after he hung up i asked him if he missed his kids (duh!). he said he missed them so much. i asked him if he could imagine is life without them, and without the feeling he had when he was talking to them. he said he couldn't live without that ever again.

i said, "now you know how i feel"...

of all the pros and cons, only one was inherently NOT selfish. The fact that you want to bring more love into the world. The fact that you have put so much thought into it shows that you will be a fine parent. in the end, that is what

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