A Party in the Pantry

My mother is finally out of the closet.

Seems that nasty lil trait - though it thankfully skips a generation or two - runs in the family. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my mother's a closeted dinner party hostess.

Paul : Hey mom, I thought of inviting a couple of friends over for Christmas.
Mom : Non-denominational Christmas? Sure. Bring them over.
Paul : I'll just get some extra ham.

That's all I thought I needed obviously. After all, not all my friends hoovered up food ( well.. maybe Strapping Shane ) as if they were starving famine victims running amuck at a sumptuous buffet.


The perfect party!
Last year Charming Calvin came over - and although he remained enigmatically silent like the proverbial Sphinx, I thought the dinner went swimmingly. So this year I boldly decided to call a few more. It was only a couple - and by a couple, I meant maybe one or two! Certainly less than a handful. Sure enough though, that modest number swelled up slowly - exponentially, I'd say - from two to four to eight... but it was still a reasonable number and I thought I'd be able to deal with the coming deluge. Seemed to be plenty of room even with eight coming.

My mother didn't even blink an eye when I told her they were all guys. All of marriageable age and yet still single.

Come on, how suspicious is that? For a matchmaking mama like mine, I'm sure it rang a thousand alarms!

Of course that niggling thought didn't have time to cross her busy mind since she's far too involved with organizing the dinner menu. You see, my mother's actually been hiding a secret penchant for throwing dinner parties - a wish no doubt sadly hampered by the wickedly antisocial trait running through the male members of the family. Yes, we all hate crowds and galas.

Not so my mom. She obviously welcomes gaiety in all its forms. The more the merrier seems to be her latest mantra.

When my brother suggested having a barbecue - and I quailed, she went out to buy skewers.

When my brother suggested bringing over a few friends - and I shuddered, she called for additions to the already extended menu.

When my brother told her that his friends would bring their respective spouses and children - and I suffered palpitations, she rejoiced.

What's this? What happened to my intimate gathering? With that many people in the house, soon we'll be having a party in the pantry!