Zinedine meets Mr Sandman

The annual monsoon seems to have reached our shores early this year with almost daily torrential downpours! Though it seems as if rain's not the only thing going down these days.

So hold on to your tickets, lucky touts! Sure Zany Zinedine's long ago V-Card wager should have expired months back - with the spring break coming on to mid-autumn - but let's give our bashful first-timer here a break, shall we? Since then he's been busy being the proverbial clubbing socialite - no doubt flitting around town litely clubbing notorious cavemen with his tiara to drag home to his beautifully styled abode.

For endless months, we assumed that his vintage Dior chastity belt would go out of fashion before one of the cavemen mentioned managed to find the precious key. Obviously trying to fit knock-off ( or even worse last season's! ) Prada and Gucci keys wouldn't work on this particular fashionista!

But when Zinedine drunkdialed me this morning to tell me of his happy news, I was the first to erupt with premature congratulations. After all, it's not just every day that one of us loses his V-card! I believe it should be celebrated by Hallmark with special cards and fireworks. Maybe even a dirty birthday cupcake ( with beefcake ornament? ).


Wait a minute. Is that all there is to it?
So I dragged poor Jaunty Jared - along with injured wrist - along for the big reveal!

Where else but Fogal's to seal such a deal? After all with my pent-up sexual frustration, I knew only a sizzling rack would satisfy me once Zinedine spilled.

Paul : So tell me, who is it?
Zinedine : Who is what?
Paul : The lucky fucker? The debaucher? The casanova? The screwdriver?
Zinedine : It was only a dream!
Paul : ....Fuck.

Anticlimactic much?

Turns out Zinedine's gotten so desperate to beat the wager that his hidden psyche has decided to help by making him lose his virginity in a sex-soaked Freudian dream full of tuning forks and screaming divas. Not sure if that actually counts and I was prepared to counter with several objections until Zinedine forestalled me with the shocking identity of the phantom one-night-stand. Seriously. OMFG.

Zinedine has always been unique.

Still, the lunch wasn't a lost cause though. Once Zinedine had heated up the discussion, I caught a distinctly dreamy Jared performing fellatio on a thick unyielding straw. Interesting. That boyfriend of his is one lucky man.

But I bet you're wondering who is Zinedine's lucky Mr Sandman? Well I ain't telling - it's someone we all know! - but you're certainly welcome to make a guess.