Ampang Medikal : Wit, Wattage and Watchmen

Seriously.

By the third admission - the results are back - and I can tell Ampang Medikal is in dire straits. Blood pressure falling, oxygen saturation fluctuating, heart rate flatlining - it needs a resuscitation trolley desperately. If only someone would give it a good dose of epinephrine stat.

Or preferably a full calculated dose of what I'd call Wit, Wattage and Watchmen.

Wit

Come on. Our very own little Dr Siti to carry the show with her spiritless, humourless monologues? Gosh, someone give our dour doctor a quick stab of humour please. Not to mention I find her coy flirting with the patients simply inexcusable as well.

Siti : But I was only trying to make the patient comfortable.
Paul : By letting him propose to you? Excuse me doctor but you're not dawdling at a dingy bus-stop shaking your booty picking up flirtatious fellas.
Melissa : Hee hee hee.
Paul : Stop that infernal cackling this instant.
Wong : Damn I got vomit on my scrubs again.
Paul : My God, you poor one-trick pony! Next time get a plastic apron and a mop.

Yes, the bubbly Dr Melissa has to stop giggling before someone slaps her to reality. A wonderful character otherwise but is she actually high on amphetamines all the time? Enough with the childish chatter. Time for some beta-blockers, I think.


All hail, the gang's all here.
Not much to say about the token minority pair, Dr Rajesh and Dr Wong. Apart from his obvious crush on her ( though no one knows what suddenly drew them together! ), both of them seem to have no role in this series. Apart from Dr Wong being the unfortunate victim of the vomit gag. Again.

Why do I have a bad feeling it's going to happen again?

I won't even talk about their diminished superiors who seem to have shrinking roles. Even their medical officer seems to be nasty without much provocation ( at least with the charismatic Miranda Bailey, you had the feeling that she was a super-capable wonderwoman ) so his well-meaning advice seems far less than it should be. Good writing establishes personality with defining moments and loaded lines. So really, where is the characterization in the script? So far, all the doctors seem to be near indistinguishable ciphers with bland personalities? Get a new writer!

Wattage

ACTION pls. Someone hook this fellas up to an epinephrine line fast. We need to pump up the volume and speed up the damned lagging pace. Does nothing happen in the hospital? It's.... like working in an abandoned city hospital during the Raya festivities when everyone's decamped away - and to add to it, somebody had to release a lethargic anaesthetic gas on the rest of the workers.

Watchmen

Really. Get a medical consultant STAT. Like yesterday.

So many things far too mind-numbingly hilarious that any medical personnel watching would be ROTFL. Sure, Grey's Anatomy has its flaws but at least it usually tries to stick to what's happening in the medical world.

Ranting raging star with cameras and crew without the hospital agreement? Never. They'd be gently but forcibly shoved out by our persistent nurses in milliseconds.
Head injury patient with an endotracheal tube left dangling in the air? Possible - if we wanted to perform euthanasia!
Paediatric surgeons delivering babies? Really, are obstetricians obsolete?
Are these house officers all in a single department or do they perform go-fer for all the departments in the hospital?

And finally... a watchman just to ground them to reality. A worldly-wise sophisticate ( at least what I assume Dr Melissa was ) wouldn't simper like a ninny after being asked out by a two-bit Don Juan! Wishful thinking by the writers perhaps but honestly no self-respecting lady would do such a thing. Maybe much later in the privacy of her own room, she might giggle and goggle with her buds but not at work with an unappreciative audience. The house officers are all of 25, they wouldn't simper like silly sophomoric schoolgirls.

Not to mention a world-class neurosurgeon and cardiothoracic surgeon sending their precious progeny to an unnamed, unbranded ( and appallingly common! ) kindergarten? No KUMON method? No Montessori? I'm not trying to be an elitist bitch but seriously, that's not happening in the real world.