A Juvenile Tea Party

Since the White Rabbit mistook the time, the Mad Tea Party has been postponed till better climes. The fact that the Queen of Hearts - now a role solely given to the Tradimum of Lanky Lex - is sweeping around the palace grounds wailing 'Off with their heads! is reason enough to lay low for a while.

So instead we decided to tail a lil girl and her classmates on a school trip. My niece Chatty Carmen actually. Seriously. Bringing three dozen active, rambunctious tots on a whirlwind tour of the city isn't a task I envy.

It's more like a nightmare.

Back when I was in kiddiegarten, we did pretty much the same touring biscuit factories and local sights. Right now I'm amazed at the intrepid nature of the teachers. Half of us could have been accidentally squashed by runaway buses while the other half could have trooped unerringly straight into an open drain! Not to mention the occasional straggler being scooped up by unscrupulous kidnappers.

Still the teachers over at her kiddiegarten did well enough trying to keep the tiny tots in order. Despite the occasional wail of protest.

The fact that half the parents came along obviously helped.

Turns out that Chatty Carmen is quite the apple-polisher surprisingly. Despite her revolutionary guerrilla tactics at home, over in school she seems to be the perfect law-abiding citizen. Shades of a future class monitor? Of course I played pretty much the same role back in school - so much the better for hiding my more serious crimes since how could anyone suspect sweet lil me?


See that boy? Go fetch!
But she dropped all that good girl pretense when she dropped by the toy shop. Then it was all coy flirty gal as she scoped out the hottest boy in the toy shop and moved in on him. Seriously. It's shocking how fast she moved. The small fella didn't even stand a chance. In moments, our lil Lolita was already building a house with the pint-sized Romeo.

A Lego house that is.

Barely five and she's already dating the hotties. I was immeasurably proud.

Of course what's real estate and commitment compared to the perfect white wedding? Since she'd already found her future mate, Carmen knew that the perfect dress was the next thing on her to-do list so off she flew to the bridal section for the gowns. Really. She moves fast, this gal. Picked out a chic white gown with embroidered baby pink roses that would have made Vera Wang blush with envy and insisted on getting it.

But due to parental objections to an early shotgun marriage, Carmen was denied the gown of her dreams - leaving her utterly despondent.

So of course she's getting it for Chrismas from her uncle.