Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Just a Question of Love

Procrastination.

Take it from someone who has become somewhat of an expert when it comes to procrastination, it actually becomes worse the longer we put unpleasant things off. Certain problems should be ripped off instantly - like the proverbial itching bandaid - rather than to allow it to fester interminably.

You see, I've carried this heavy burden for almost 15 years now - ever since my first clumsy adolescent gropes at a party with my classmate. For the past few years of course I've been slowly unloading part of the weight by coming out to most of the friends I know. After all, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Or at least that's what they tell me.

Reflection
Isn't it about time?

Lately I have been thinking of telling the parents. An understatement since I've been wanting to tell them for years. Honestly, I don't know how I could have kept it a secret for that long. If secret is what you can call it since I've been particularly open about most aspects of my life - would be pretty deep in denial not to suspect I'm a raging homo! Still I hate lying to myself - and to them - about who I am. I'm proud of who I am and not particularly ashamed. But the longer we delay, the lies seem to pile up and it becomes ever more difficult to come clean.

Subterfuge seems to have become almost second nature.

Of course then I'll have Charming Calvin starting with his disastrous coming out story again. Primitive brainwashing techniques, psych referrals and hoodoo cures, they are all in there. Then the mindless accusations and tearful recriminations.

Scary. A tad too much hysterical drama even for for a gossip guy like me.


But just when I'm about to reveal the quantum of my deception, my friend Lanky Lex beats me to the punch as his mother inadvertently stumbles upon his secret. Forget about the congratulations. Let's just say finding out that your son is gay isn't exactly welcome news to gladden a doting mother's heart. At least not a conservative Asian mum.

Gotta call him now since I fear in his desperate despondency he might steal away to hitch-hike with only his lil violin and some dumplings in a tattered cloth satchel.

14 comments:

Rae P said...

ah ha. Thoughts of coming out to you parents I see...... I hope someday you have the courage to do so. Maybe I will too, in like ten more years XD

A friend of mine always have this mantra - "there are nothing to be gained by coming out to one's parents. It'll only cause more heartache and troubles."

Alex said...

Thanks... I shall come to your place if I got evicted...

Perky said...

In a way I feel like I'm in the same boat. Well, I'm not gay but I've been wanting to tell my mom about my tattoos. I'm guessing that she'll most likely disown me if she finds out due to her strong feelings abt the matter.

So yeah, I'm procrastinating in building up the courage to tell her. Maybe 1 day it'll happen...

Medie007 said...

hope lanky lex's coping fine...

AJ v2 said...

hurmmm.....mothers always knows best.

i dun think i hv to come clean to her since she washed all my clothes from small until now....

coz i started wearing thongs at 16...how could she not know that i'm not str8?? *grin

Janvier said...

We tries to tempt Lex to move out and share an apartment with us... :P

Little Dove said...

Oh, a Disney song!

jamie da vinci! said...

came out to my mom over lunch, accidentally. word vomit on my part. fortunately though, my rather unplanned disclosure did not turn out to be the emotional soap opera episode i had played in my head over the years. mom just said "you're GAY!? hmmm, it explains a lot then." then proceeded back to munching down her steamed dumplings.

either she has a very different way of dealing with NOT seeing any grandchildren from my line or those were really good dumplings :)

H.a.M.s.A.p said...

Aww..the "one million dollars" problem for gay asian men ~

__S.B__ said...

Love The Pic U know I have tatts

Chris said...

i LIKE the tattoo..

Fable Frog said...

Oh~ you wanna come out to your mom too? Ya, unfortunately, most asian parents seem to be unable to accept a gay son~

Cyclohelix said...

If i were to say for myself, I would rather suffer the pain then letting those i treasured and loved most from it...

Anonymous said...

aaa, shucks. the Parents.
the Asian parents.
i know all abt it, paul - and no, i aint out to the folks yet - u'd wish they'd just get the hints and FIGURE it OUT, already! :)